For years, I lived a paradox: I badly wanted the world to understand my stuttering, while at the same time never letting anyone hear it. I was 100% covert to the point where many friends and even my family had no idea – though they knew about other ‘odd’ behaviours, like never asking for things in shops, answering the phone, or just being generally shy, quiet Gina.
I was both afraid of and deeply ashamed of my voice. Yet this had unintended consequences – the people around me never learned anything about stuttering, and I was helping preserve the silence and stigma that I wanted society to break.
This all changed recently. When I was a teenager, I had clawed my way towards acceptance with the help of an overt, famous stutterer called John Larkin AKA Scatman John. That’s a whole other story, but when he passed away in 1999, I went back to hiding again because it was too hard for me, too irresistible to not have to deal with all the negative responses and thoughts and feelings that would overwhelm me.
More recently, after writing a book about John, I knew I would be forced into the media if I wanted any chance of promoting it properly. My publisher booked me on podcasts, radio interviews (some live), and in-person events. I had a choice. I could continue to hide, or I could use the platform and the opportunity to normalise stuttering. So I chose something that absolutely terrified me – I decided not only to stutter overtly, but to throw a ton of voluntary stuttering in, too. Talk about a complete reversal. I just thought “f*ck it” – and felt I owed it to John, who had been so overt and out-with-it about his stutter. Hearing him was the catalyst for my road to acceptance, and I realised that baton had now been passed to me.
Being in the public eye is a strange thing. Celebrities who stutter are often held up as examples and role models, and they can do enormous good. But they cannot carry the burden of creating understanding for millions of people who stutter, and yet, sometimes, we seem to expect them to. If representation is a famous person giving an interview (usually while not stuttering or not admitting to currently stuttering), then it remains exceptional rather than the ordinary, but we – you, me – can change this.
The stuttering community is wonderful, but it is also insular. We talk mostly among ourselves (and who can blame us?). We’re preaching to the converted – people who already understand stuttering are often talking to others who also understand stuttering. But where do most of the problems in our stuttering lives come from? From the outside world – from stigma, ignorance, misunderstanding, discrimination. We need to talk to the outside world… to bring it into the conversation.
I don’t mean you have to get on a stage, do live radio, or do anything spectacular. Small-scale, repeated representation matters and you can do this in ordinary life. Explain blocking to a work colleague. Tell your classmates what it feels like when someone finishes your words or sentence. Bring it up in an inclusion discussion. Hell, talk about Scatman John or other celebrities who stutter, if you don’t want to make it personal.
This normalisation – the everyday – is more powerful than the big “inspiration” stories. We don’t need spectacular ‘overcoming’ or ‘get rid of it’ tropes – we just need ordinary people – the teachers, accountants, nurses, parents, engineers, whoever, simply going ahead and stuttering whilst living their lives. We need every shade of stuttering to be heard. Imagine if stuttering was so out there, so prevalent, that it becomes what it essentially already is – just another way of talking that needn’t be wrapped up in fear or shame.
Not everyone wants to disclose or advocate, and they shouldn’t feel they have to. I’ve had days where I get an ignorant response and I just don’t have the bandwidth or battery to start educating someone that day. I’ve learned to give myself grace when I feel like I should be “representing” all the time, or when I feel I’ve failed if I hide a word or avoid explaining stuttering to someone.
Not everyone can do this easily, either. But just by talking as we talk, we can do something for those who are still hiding, ashamed, or isolated. A thousand small acts of visibility are how something stops being hidden, and starts becoming more accepted.
At a recent NSA convention I mentioned the phrase “be the change you want to see in the world”. For stuttering, I say: be the voice you want to hear.
And how do you do that? You just go ahead… and stutter!
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Dear Gina,
Thank you so much for this brilliant paper. Indeed, normalisation of stuttering is what is needed.
There are so many gems of wisdom in your writing and in your experience. I am going to:
a) Carry on doing my best to live in the way that you encourage us to, and
b) Share your writing with therapist, parents of children who stutter, teachers, and other people who stutter
Thanks again,
Hanan
Ah Gina – you say it so well. The normalization of everyday stuttering is what’s needed in order to break the silence and stigma of stuttering. The very stigma that our silence perpetuates.
I’m glad you’ve touched on covert stuttering – we don’t talk about it enough in the stuttering community. I think both PWS and SLPs don’t know enough about the complexities of trying to pass as fluent. I’ll never forget being questioned at my first stuttering group meeting – why was I there? I didn’t stutter, according to that person. I felt so unseen and so unwelcome. She questioned me in front of the group. Thank goodness I didn’t let that stop me from going back. Maybe someone said something to her as I never saw her again, in the approximate 9 more months I attended that group.
What you’ve done has broken some barriers. But you’re right – the stuttering community is very insular. We need more of us every day people talking about stuttering while actually stuttering. We’ll make the difference that “inspiration porn” just can’t do.
Down with famous stutterers who don’t stutter. Let’s try to cause a revolution finally somehow and stutter out loud so that’s it’s as normal as all the other different ways of talking!
Keep being loud, my friend!
Thanks for this apt reminder!
Pam
“We just need ordinary people – the teachers, accountants, nurses, parents, engineers, whoever, simply going ahead and stuttering whilst living their lives”…yes, yes, yes!!! And I love that you are getting the opportunity to do this very thing through your book.
As a speech-language therapist, “small-scale, repeated representation in ordinary life” really resonated with me in relation to how we can encourage and walk alongside our clients, whether they be children, teens, or adults. What would that look like for them? How might they be empowered to take tangible steps toward small-scale representation in their everyday lives? Thank you, Gina, for this reflection (and so thankful we got to meet in person this past year)!
Love your article!
I used it in a group therapy session already. Everyone read it and we discussed what it means to the participants. All agreed that ‘we’ should get more out there. It was an inspiration for the participants to let other people hear stuttering (even) more.
So thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing your paper! I especially loved and agree with your point about how the “everyday” and “ordinary people” can have a greater impact than the “inspirational stories” from celebrities. Even the smallest act of revealing one’s stutter can be very powerful and help us move toward normalizing stuttering. Thank you, again!
I thought it was interesting how you explained that people can hide their stuttering so well that even their friends and family may not know. It made me think about how important it is for SLPs to understand the experiences behind what we hear during speech. How can we best support clients who stutter covertly while also respecting their comfort level with disclosing their stuttering to others?
Thanks for introducing Scatman John to the world and the stutter community. Being a covert PWS for years, I wonder is there anything you do to make yourself feel safe not hiding your own stutter?