About the Author: Hanan Hurwitz is a proud person who stutters, and former Chair and Executive Director of AMBI, the Israeli Stuttering Association. He lectures extensively on stuttering and is determined to help everyone understand stuttering in order to get past the limitations that the pervasive stigma about stuttering imposes on society in general and on people who stutter and their families in particular. He has been instrumental in arranging conferences on stuttering and was part of the team that curates the annual International Stuttering Awareness Day online conference. Hanan is the author of the book “Stuttering: From Shame and Anxiety to Confident Authenticity”. Information on the book, and a free chapter download, can be found at OnStuttering.com.  Professionally, Hanan is an electronics engineer by training. Since 2019 he has been working as an independent Quality and Regulatory Management Consultant. His primary interests are learning Buddhist and Stoic philosophy, Blues guitar music, reading, and of course, stuttering.

Introduction

The year 2010 was a year of change for me. Attending the annual conference of the National Stuttering Association in the USA, I discovered the “other handle” of stuttering, the way of Acceptance as opposed to the way of Resistance. The way of resistance lead me to about 40 years of fear, shame, and suicidal ideation, while the path of acceptance has led me on a journey of research and discovery in support of unconditional acceptance of stuttering. I would like to share a few brief aspects of my views on empowered “Ways of Being” with stuttering.

Stuttering and the experience of stuttering are complex, variable, and nuanced. These “shades of stuttering” result both from our neurobiology and our cognitive and affective states of mind and are subject to situational influences. The variability of stuttering is strongly influenced by our own perception of stuttering and of ourselves in those situations. 

It can be helpful, therefore, to some people who stutter (PWS) to explore specific aspects and supporting factors for Ways of Being with stuttering, irrespective of the variability, that helps us to be empowered, to be resilient, to advocate for ourselves, and ultimately to live the life that we want for ourselves together with our stuttering and in whatever shade our stuttering appears from moment to moment.

The good news is that there are both ancient philosophies and new knowledge that help us be active in our empowerment. Philosophy is about knowing how to live, and Stoic and Buddhist philosophies provide practical guidance for living full, meaningful lives. I have spent several years studying these philosophies, and with them I find excellent support for unconditional acceptance of my stuttering and all the shades of my stuttering.

The First Rule in Life: The Sphere of Control

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus taught that our first job in life is to distinguish between what is in our control and what is not in our control. This differentiation is necessary in order to understand what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for, and to thereby inform us of how best to direct our attention and energy. To live well and live with purpose, we need to avoid paying uncontrolled attention to, and wasting our energy on, things and events that are out of our control. Stuttering at its core is one of those things that is not in our control. It is simply a part of us.

Building upon that first principle, the Sphere of Control, Stoicism shows a way to live in which we do what’s right irrespective of what others are doing and saying. Marcus Aurelius wrote about not letting externals – those things outside of our control – upset us, and to instead turn our attention to doing the right thing. Assuming that we are acting ethically, the right thing for us as PWS is to give deep thought to what is we want from life, fully cognizant and accepting of the fact of our stutter, and to direct our efforts to living. 

What others say and what other tell us we can or cannot do is irrelevant. This necessitates an attitude of self-empowerment. Attitudes of entitlement and of victimhood, while understandable, impede us.

Choice and Attitude

In Epictetus’ teaching about The Two Handles, he explains that that every circumstance can be viewed in two ways. When viewed from one perspective, the circumstance is something that we can manage, that we can deal with effectively. When viewed from the other perspective, however, the same circumstance seems unbearable. Each circumstance comes with these two “handles”, and we have the choice which one to hold. 

We who stutter have no choice about whether we stutter or not and fighting against “what is” leads to struggle and to suffering. We do, however, have a lot of choice about our relationship to our stuttering:

• Choice about how we think about stuttering, and about the stigma of stuttering
• Choice regarding what we believe about stuttering (such as whether we believe it is a defect, or simply the way that we talk), and
• Choice about the nature of our struggle with stuttering, and therefore on how we stutter

Thinking back to stigma, we can invest our energy into wishing and hoping for society to stop stigmatizing our difference and discriminating against us. However, these are largely out of our control. Alternately, we can invest that energy into changing ourselves, changing our thoughts, perceptions and beliefs. Those are things that are, in fact, within our ability to control, within our Sphere of Control.

The Four Noble Truths

Core to Buddhist philosophy are the Four Noble Truths about suffering which provides a structured, cognitive-based methodology to investigate our suffering. This is not to say that everything in life is suffering. Absolutely not. If we are suffering, however, there is a way to understand it and to bring about the cessation to our suffering. The first step is to understand our suffering, the second is to understand what causes our suffering, the third step is acting to stop the fostering of our suffering, and the fourth step describes the Noble Eightfold Path – the active, cognitive practices – that support us and help us find our way to living the life that we want for ourselves. 

The first attitude on that Path is called Right View. This refers to seeing things as they are as opposed to perceiving things subject to our mindset and feelings. With relevance to stuttering, we can discover that we are not suffering because of stuttering, but rather because of our attitude to and our perceptions of stuttering and of the public stigma of stuttering. With mindfulness as our foundation and additional supporting teachings in Buddhist philosophy, we find the tools to investigate ourselves and our suffering, with non-judgmental observation, with self-compassion, and with active investigation of what we are experiencing. 

The key is always non-judgmental and compassionate observation of everything that arises, whether external events or internal thoughts and feelings. We welcome and accept it all, so that we can look deeply at the nature of these phenomena and see the truth as opposed to misperceptions. Mindfulness becomes the way of being within which there is always space for pain and shame, and then for healing and empowerment.

New Knowledge in Support of Stuttering Pride

Extensive research has uncovered some of the neurobiology of stuttering. While much work remains, enough is known to say that we stutter due to a neurophysiological difference that affects speech motor control. Sometimes this research is confused with non-acceptance of stuttering, but that is a misperception. On the contrary: understanding the physiological bases of stuttering helps with the rejection of stigma and the unconditional acceptance of ourselves and our stuttering. The movement towards recognizing and speaking about neurodivergence has fostered this approach. The discussion on whether research will lead to medical interventions is a complex one, and not possible to address within the space of this short article. 

Research has also led us to understand the overall experience of stuttering and to the differentiation between stuttering and the struggle with stuttering. Stuttering is what results from the neurophysiological difference in our speech motor control mechanism. Struggle to avoid stuttering results from the public and self-stigma related to stuttering. The stigma feeds the shame which feeds our desire to avoid stuttering. The result is often increased difficulty to speak and so-called “severe” stuttering. Why is this important in the context of stuttering pride? The fact of stuttering is out of our control, but our reaction to stuttering and our struggle with stuttering is entirely within our control. That does not mean it is easy, only that it is possible. Crucially, it does not mean that we must do anything different.

Sometimes this message is misinterpreted to mean that we should not struggle, that the struggle to avoid stuttering is bad. This misunderstanding is unfortunate. Just as stuttering is neither good nor bad, so, too, our reaction to our stuttering should not be subject to judgment. Understanding why we stutter and why and how we struggle, we then have choice. We can choose if and how we want to relate to our stutter and to our struggle, but we make the choice based on information and based on our inherent control over our attitudes and choices. We make informed choices based on knowledge, and it is up to us, that is, it is within our control. Viktor Frankl expressed it simply: we have the freedom to choose our attitude in any given set of circumstances. For example, public stigma is out of our control. Our response to it, however, is in our control. Mindfulness supports the creation of that crucial gap between stimulus and response and thereby fosters our ability to choose our actions instead of being reactive.

Going Beyond Acceptance: Active Unconditional Self-Acceptance

In some organizations I have been part of, I have heard and absorbed the wonderful message of acceptance, but I have also seen the unintended adverse effects of the “just accept it” message. The imperative of acceptance of stuttering without guidance on the details of how to implement this acceptance has left some PWS feeling abandoned by the very communities to whom they turned to for support. 

More than just self-acceptance, we can benefit from unconditional self-acceptance. This addition of “unconditional” to “self-acceptance” is not simply semantics; it makes a significant difference in internalizing the concept of self-acceptance. This means that we accept ourselves irrespective of the varying shades of our stuttering, irrespective of the opinions of others, and irrespective of our perceived successes and failures. Our self-acceptance must be based on our values, intentions, knowledge, wisdom, and our actions. This is an active approach and fosters our understanding and certainty that stuttering is simply the way that we talk. 

We stand tall, we take our place, we act in the direction of our values and the way in which we want to live.

Modern, Enlightened Therapeutic Approaches

While many of us PWS have been though harmful therapy for stuttering, we are fortunate to be living in a time of increased awareness and practice of stuttering-affirmative therapeutic approaches where the goal is never related to fluency but rather to non-avoidance of stuttering and non-avoidance of living our lives. 

Mindfulness is supporting this affirmative way of being with stuttering as it teaches us to be present with what is, without judgment. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is based on mindfulness and adds examination of values. Values are the basis for living our life, as we take values-based action in every moment as opposed, say, to fear-based actions that impede us.

Therapeutic approaches such as the CARE model and Avoidance Reduction Therapy for Stuttering support the unconditional acceptance of stuttering and the fostering of stuttering pride by showing us ways to stop avoiding speaking, to stop avoiding stuttering, to allow ourselves to stutter openly, and to live the life that we want.

Conclusion

Shades of stuttering encompasses our beliefs about stuttering, our attitudes towards stuttering, and our values that guide our daily actions. Using ancient philosophies and new knowledge we create Ways of Being, of living our lives as we want to.