About the Author: James Hayden is an HLA technologist, writer, and a person who stutters from the New Orleans area. James is the author of Dear World, I Stutter: A Series of Open Letters from a Person Who Stutters. His work has been published by The Mighty, The Stuttering Foundation, Stamma, Yahoo, and MSN. James has also appeared on several podcasts, presented at the National Stuttering Association conference, the Australian Speak Easy Association Virtual Conference, numerous universities, and was a speaker at TEDxOchsner 2019. He also serves as the chapter leader for the New Orleans chapter of the National Stuttering Association.

Over the past couple of years, awareness for the importance of: diversity, inclusion, and representation in all facets of life has dramatically increased. A lot of incredible work has been done in this area; however, more work still needs to be done. One area that still needs a lot of work is how stuttering is represented and portrayed in the media, specifically television and more specifically reality competition shows. For so long, whenever a person who stutters (PWS) competes on one of these shows, stuttering is their story and not just one small part of their story. They are given an edit that suggests that they overcame this terrible thing and they can now accomplish anything. When in reality, a person who stutters can accomplish anything and the only things they need to overcome are the public perception of stuttering and the voice that tells them they can’t do something. Like with everything else, representation has gotten better but we still have a good work to do on this front. Recently, I did my part in better representing the stuttering community and to somewhat fulfill a bucket list item. 

Back in June, I was one of 17 people to compete on the tenth season of the live reality game (LRG) Surviving Reelfoot, based on the CBS show Survivor. An LRG is a fan made and produced version of a reality competition show for fans of the show. They are typically held at a park or someone’s private property and last several hours to several days. Sometimes, they are livestreamed on Facebook and/or put on YouTube. This game was held at a hunting camp in Hornbeak, Tennessee and lasted eight days.  I applied on a complete whim and to my surprise I made the cast. For a variety of reasons, I knew going into the game that I had very little chance of winning. 

So, why did I do it? Why did I willingly subject myself to living in the elements, sleeping in the dirt, being rained on, eating very little food, competing in numerous physical and mental challenges, being in a constant state of stress and paranoia, all the while playing a cutthroat game? Besides the adventure and a chance to play my favorite game, the reason was simple: representation. The game would be livestreamed on Facebook and I knew this would be an incredible opportunity to represent the stuttering community. I could show that a person who stutters (PWS) is just like everyone else, but sometimes it might take us a few extra seconds to say what we want to say and that our voices are worth being heard. I knew that this was an opportunity for little Timmy in St. Louis who stutters but does not know another PWS to see me and realize he’s not alone. That he can still accomplish any goal he sets for himself. 

Before the game started each contestant did a meet the cast video. This was a one-to-two-minute video where each contestant said they’re name, where they’re from, their job, their strategy going into the game, and why they’ll win. In my video, I said “What’s up y’all? I’m James from New Orleans and I’m a person who stutters.” I then proceeded to talk about my strategy and why I thought I would win. I disclosed my own journey so the audience knew I’m a PWS and that my stuttering moments were not connection issues. 

When the game started, we were divided into two tribes, or teams, and were given a few minutes to introduce ourselves. When it was my turn I said, “Hey y’all. I’m James. I’m from New Orleans and I work as an HLA technologist. I’m also a person who stutters. I just ask that you don’t try to finish my sentences. If you have any questions about stuttering, then feel free to ask me.” I did this for two reasons. The first reason is for my own journey towards continuing to accept and embrace this part of myself. Second was to remove any doubts that I was lying because I was stuttering. As we know, one of the stereotypes associated with stuttering is that people are lying when they stutter. This is a game built on lies and deception and I didn’t want my fellow tribe members to equate my stuttering moments with me lying. When I was swapped to the other tribe, I gave the same speech to them. Being a PWS was a non-issue, as it should be, and had no negative impacts on my game. 

Throughout my time in the game, producers were constantly filming us around the camp and during challenges. That meant during strategy talks with allies and non-allies, tending to camp chores, hanging out around camp, or competing in challenges, a camera was on me. That camera recorded any and all stuttering moments I had whenever I spoke. A couple years ago, I would’ve been horrified at that prospect, but it didn’t bother me at all. I just wanted to show a PWS can collect firewood, be a good ally, hold their own in challenges, and just have a regular conversation where stuttering may or may not show up and it would be no big deal. Just seeing the everyday moments of camp life, I believe, was my best way to show representation. To show that stuttering is no big deal and that it’s ok to stutter. 

Throughout the game, all players gave a few confessionals each day. For those unfamiliar, a confessional is when a player talks to the camera about their strategy and how they view the game. Some were recorded and some were live streamed to the Facebook page. At the end of every confessional, the producer filming our confessions would ask, “Anything else you want to add?” I typically added, “It’s ok to stutter.” I did this so that any PWS watching me knew it was ok. As a child, I never heard those words and I wish I did. It’s only four words, but those words speak volumes when put together. I wanted those who never heard them to know it’s ok.

I was voted out on the morning of day 5 and became the first member of the jury. The jury consists of a group of eliminated contestants who vote for the winner. On the afternoon of day 8 the final tribal council was held. Final tribal council is where the final three contestants pitch their cases to the jury of why they should win. The way this works is that each finalist gave an opening statement, each juror was allowed to ask each finalist one question, the finalist gave closing statements, and then the jurors voted for a winner. Knowing this is the climax of the season and would have the most views, I intentionally wore a shirt that says “It’s really really really really really really really ok to stutter (really)!” Throughout most of the final tribal council, my message could be seen in the background and was prominent when I got to ask my jury question. Our final tribal council video has over one thousand views. That means over one thousand people saw my message and saw it’s ok to stutter. We had a party after the winner was revealed and many pictures were taken that night and later posted to social media. I made a point to wear my shirt to the after party as well. That way the social media followers of production and fellow cast members saw my message as well.  

Over the course of our eight day game, our videos had over 80,000 views. Eighty thousand plus people saw that stuttering is just one small part of our story and not our entire story. Eighty thousand plus people saw what stuttering looked like in action. Eighty thousand plus people heard and saw that it was ok to stutter.  That alone made every bug bite, every lost hour of sleep, every moment of stress and paranoia, and the ten to twelve pounds of weight I lost well worth it. 

And I had fun the entire time.