About the Author: Liv Marit Dalen Goldstein, born 1949, comes from Hovet, Hallingdal, Norway, now living on the island of Sotra outside Bergen, Norway.  She is a retired teacher and language nerd.  She has been married to Paul for 22 years, has two bonus children, one homemade  child from a previous marriage and six bonus grandchildren. She is working as a support contact for a girl with special needs, guiding school classes visiting concentration camps and memorial sites in Norway and abroad, writer,  board member and editor for the Norwegian Stuttering and Cluttering Association, moderator for Facebook groups, enjoying doing traditional Norwegian embroidery, skiing  and spending  days in mountain cabin.

A few weeks ago I attended the STAMMAFest Global and the Nordic Stuttering Seminar together with my husband. I even gave a workshop at the STAMMAFest Global. Over a period of more than 20 years I have participated in several stuttering conferences and other events both here in Norway and abroad.  I am on the board of the Norwegian Stuttering and Cluttering Association, and have been the editor of their periodical «Stamposten» for a number of years. I am also very active in the Facebook group Stuttering Community, with over 16 000 members. My bookshelves, both the physical and the digital, are loaded with books about stuttering. At some of the conferences I get the question : «What are you doing here? You don’t stutter! Are you a speech therapist?» and other questions, and online I have even  been asked to go to a certain hot place, since I don’t stutter and therefore is disqualified. 

So why do I spend so much time on stuttering? I guess the answer is that my husband stutters.  I married this man because I loved him, and we promised to help and support each other for the rest of our lives. When we met online I knew from day one that he stuttered, but I also knew from his letters that he was a very intelligent man, and a nice and good man, something I really needed after having lived in an abusive relationship. Besides I was 50 and if I wanted a relationship again it was about time I found someone to love and who loved me back!  I proposed after a month without having talked to him or even seen a picture, but I already knew it was the right thing to do. I did not reflect very much over what his stuttering would mean to me and our life together. We married after a few months and he moved to Norway. It didn’t take long before I realized that I was now a member of a minority group with challenges I had never had to deal with before. 

Here in Norway we are very proud that we live in a society where everyone is supposed to be equal, and I guess I thought that was the case. And there are  absolutely differences between living with a stutter in Norway and in Uganda, or even in the US. But unfortunate and shocking things happen here too, like the case some time ago where a court doubted a father’s  ability to take care of his children because he had a stutter, or the young boy who could not get an apprenticeship in the plumbing business (!) before his speech «improved». My husband also had an unpleasant meeting with a teacher when he attended a course to learn Norwegian. It was that incident that really gave me a kick in my behind to get engaged in the group in which I realized I was a part of. Besides I was of course in love and wanted to know as much about my new husband as possible, and be able to understand his feelings and also be able to discuss facts and fiction around stuttering. 

My husband is well educated in speech therapy besides having stuttered since the age of three, so I could learn a lot from him, but I also read a bunch of books and promptly paid my membership fee in the stuttering association. I am a woman who certainly does not follow Paulus’ words of being silent, and I also many times can relate to «don’t talk when I am interrupting». That bad habit was hard to get rid of, but my husband recently praised me for being patient, so I guess I have improved over the years. 

As you might have understood, I really engage in things when I get interested, and for the last 20 years I have been very active as mentioned above. I am honestly quite humbled that they want me on the board of the stuttering association, and was really baffled the first time I was asked. But I was also happy to be able to contribute to getting stuttering being seen and heard.

I think for us who are in a relationship with someone who stutters, there are a number of things you as a couple can do:

• Talk to each other about feelings. Many times a spouse is more troubled if their partner is struggling with stuttering than the person is him/herself.
• Don’t «take over» if you are not asked to. And don’t finish sentences!
• Learn about rights people who stutter have in the country where you live.
• If your spouse ask you to make a difficult phone call, do it! You can encourage your partner not to avoid situations like phone calls or ordering food or something like that, but don’t refuse giving help if you are asked to.

• Don’t give «advice» like telling your partner to hide the stuttering. Stuttering is how the person speaks. 
• If you encounter people behaving rude or negative towards your partner’s stuttering, correct them. (I have a tendency to explode, which probably is not the best way…) 
• If your partner prefers it, inform people you are going to meet for the first time that your partner stutters. Sometimes there are phone calls your partner has to make and talk directly to some authority. You can call them up and explain that your partner stutters. ( In my case I also ask if the conversation can be in English, as that is easier for my husband.)
• Educate yourself and others about the facts of stuttering. There are lots of information in books and on the Internet, but make sure you use a reliable source.

• Join a stuttering association if possible. Go to meetings, meet other people who stutter and their spouses, travel the world and have fun.

Almost everybody has access to the internet today, and I am really surprised many times when people claim that there are no stuttering associations in their country, and I find them here as I sit in Norway, with just a couple of clicks.

If you are not able to join a stuttering association, join a stuttering group online, for example Stuttering Community, Stamily and others. Most national associations also have Facebook groups. There are also Zoom meetings you can join. In short: A lot of possibilities.

It might sound like I am encouraging people to talk about stuttering 24/7 and am constantly  going around advocating. But fortunately I also have other interests and other things to talk about with my husband and other people. I will not demand others to engage themselves as much as I have either, but I am sure it is important that we all do something to make the world understand that people who stutter have the right to be seen and heard without having to change what they are. An old Norwegian saying is «Tek kvar og ein sin vesle stein, blir snart vår åker rein». [If every one of us picks up a small stone, our field will soon be clear.] And don’t forget to talk to each other! See and hear your partner!