 About the Author:
Shiran Israel, 38 years old, married with two daughters. Lives in Israel and is a PhD candidate on Ivcher School of Psychology at Reichman University, Israel. Shiran is a board member of the Israeli Stuttering Association (AMBI) and her research focuses on mindfulness and self-compassion, and how they can be beneficial for people who stutter and impact the formation of social judgment of people who stutter. |
Do not applaud me
Do not applaud me for ordering my favorite ice-cream flavor for myself
Do not applaud me for picking up the phone rather than clicking “ignore”
Do not applaud me for reading my daughter a bedtime story,
or for claiming my time to speak in class.
Praising me for my courage to do such ordinary things
assumes I need the strength of a lion to carry on a normal life.
Praising me for doing the ordinary
assumes I have exceeded the expectations.
So what does it say about me, when society expects so little of me?
Expect me to be the same,
and give me the right to do it my own way.
There will come a day when people who stutter
will be applauded only for doing the extraordinary, just like anyone else would.
About the poem (not sure whether to call it a poem):
When I think about normalizing stuttering, that’s what comes to mind; how I wish that the little things in life would not be considered as out-on-the-ordinary, both for us PWS and in society. I wish that being an actor who stutters and gets a role, would just be “getting a role” and that kids who stutter who want to give a presentation at school, would be just kids who present to their class, and wouldn’t have to be superheroes. I wish that we would not have to be so damn courageous to do all these normal things, and would just exercise our right to stutter, to be seen, and to be heard.
Hi Shiran
Thank you for sharing this poem with us. As always, you create thought-provoking content and it’s very much appreciated.
I think that I understand what you are saying, and I agree – we should not be applauded for participating in regular life. Stella Young famously stated “I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much”.
However: for me, and perhaps for other PWS, doing some “regular” activities require of me courage, or, as you so eloquently write, “the strength of a lion”. Perhaps we can applaud ourselves for taking such steps, such as stuttering openly in the queue for ice cream, since they are not trivial at all.
What is your opinion about this, and what is your opinion about praising ourselves while at the same time making ourselves not need or want the praise of others?
Thank you
Hanan
Thank you for writing this, Shiran. It is time to get away with Binary thinking. Either a superhuman or an object of pity. No, We are Humans (sigh).
Thank you Puneet! We’re not lacking inspiration, we’re lacking normalization.
Happy ISAD Hanan! Yes, I definitely think we ARE superheroes for navigating through this world, and should remind ourselves this fact every day. The poem is more like a wishful thinking – hoping for the day that we wouldn’t have to be so exceptionally strong and brave to do ordinary things, because stuttering would be just normalized. So it doesn’t mean “don’t applauded me because I don’t deserve it”, it pictures a world where we simply stutter and don’t need to be applauded for the ordinary
Shiran,
This the essence of being seen and heard, without any qualifier. I belonged to Toastmasters for many years (public speaking organization) and I was the only one in my chapter who stuttered. When I mentioned it, nobody cared. Because public speaking is terrifying for most people. not just for we who stutter.
But at one meeting, a guy had really liked some of my speeches and talks, was introducing me for my speech that night. There were new members that night. He sang my praises, and then mentioned, “Pam’s a stutterer, and oh, you’re going to so impressed.”
I didn’t like that he felt he needed to add a disclaimer that I stuttered. I felt a bit “outed.” It’s up to me if I wish to disclose or not. I felt he robbed me of being seen and heard just like anyone else.
So this poem and your sentiments really resonated with me. When will people get over this?
Pam
Oh, I really get that! That’s the whole idea – that people should be impressed by the speech you give and not by how you “overcome” stuttering and give a speech. It’s funny how a few years ago the challenge was to disclose stuttering, and now we move forward and wish we wouldn’t have to disclose because it’s simply out there
Thank you for giving your insight on how, as a PWS, is affected by people’s patronizing attempts at making PWS “feel better” for having a stutter. I like how you’ve focused more on this idea that when PWS perform everyday activities, they are considered “superheroes,” and less on how some people will pity and disregard PWS. Things brings attention to a whole other side of reactions to stuttering, and how it is still harmful, despite it not being outright disrespectful. Unfortunately, people tend to, whether intentionally or not, be incredibly condescending towards those who stutter. Do you think that if stuttering was more normalized, people would be less dehumanizing to PWS, and treat them as the human beings they are?
Very beautiful poem, and very true
Thank you so much Willemijn ! Love your work
Thank you so much! Only an hour ago a 7 year-old who doesn’t even know me, gave me advice of how not to stutter, so I guess we all get to experience all spectrum of reactions from society, right? I think that definitely normalizing stuttering will make people treat us in an ordinary manner. I had a strong experience of that on Stammafest two months ago – the staff on Starbucks were listening to stuttered speech all day long and it made them totally indifferent to stuttering, it was amazing to just order a cup of coffee and stutter:)
Your poem brought me up short. I’m in the early stages of learning about stuttering and probably before I read what you wrote, I did have a bit of the “superpower” mentality. Planning to be an SLP in the future, it seemed the helpful thing to do would be to reward with praise and acknowledgement the steps of accomplishment. On the hand, I can now see, how demeaning it is to praise, as you said, the ordinary. Society has been dealing so much with the “othering” of people and I now see a certain type of praise as another form of “othering”. As a clinician I would want to help my client with encouragement, but I will be careful to do it in a way that builds up, rather than diminshes. Thank you for educating me.
This is a really insightful and eye-opening piece, thank you for sharing! As someone who is going to school to become an SLP and someone who does not have a lot of experience with PWS, it is important to gain insight into the experiences of someone who stutters and how comments make them feel. Normalizing stuttering is an incredibly important topic- thank you for sharing your experience!
Thank you so much cmnicol! It is so exciting to see future SLPs who are interested in the experience of stuttering. Good luck!! It is truely a profession that can change lives.
Hello Shiran! I loved this poem, I think it brought up a great message about what praising fluent speech instead of stuttering, or even stuttering through everyday task, can feel like to PWS ! You are doing nothing extraordinary, you are simply living your life. A PWOS is not praised to talk on the phone or to speak up for themselves. Normalizing stuttering comes with treating PWS the same as those who don’t and knowing what is truly encouraging for that person. I personally, never realized how demeaning this can be in general. Your poem did put this into perspective for me and I was able to connect to an experience about what the plus size community says as well. Thank you for sharing this, I truly enjoyed reading it.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read, vrodr28!
Hi Mary Lynn, thank you so.much for reading. You know, each if us has an individual journey to go through with stuttering, and at the beginning it IS essential to acknowledge the immense courage you need to accept yourself and reduce avoidance. Because it is really hard. It does deserve praising! No doubt! But so many of us are so eager to see the day when it won’t have to be so hard because society will just make space for stuttering.
Hi! As someone studying to be an SLP, this is a really interesting point of view! I have never thought about how people give extra encouragement to people who stutter when they are doing everyday activities. I have also never thought about how that encouragement could be taken. I never want to make someone feel as if I am expecting little of them because they are able to do things that are normal. Moving forward in my career, how do you think it would be best to speak to someone who stutters when they do ordinary things? Would I bring it up in a normal voice, not talk about it at all, or something different? Thank you so much for that poem!!
Hi, thank you so much for your poem. I truly enjoyed reading it. I am currently taking a course on stuttering, and this was a fantastic poem to read. I do have a question, however, which is how would you want to create a more comfortable environment for people who stutter?
Hi Arose! Thank you for taking the time to read! The very simple, and not so simple, thing that is required for creating a comfortable environment is listening.
And to my opinion it starts with us as a community of people who stutter – we need to be able to talk about stuttering openly, to advocate for our right to be heard, and also be able to explain what stuttering is (or not) so we can do something to create that comfortable environment to stutter.
Hi Shiran,
Thank you so much for sharing this poem. As someone who is studying stuttering, I found this to be helpful in understanding how interaction with a PWS can make them feel, and what we as people who don’t stutter should and should not do. Many SLPs are afraid to treat PWS. What advice would you give to those who may be hesitant to take on a client who is a PWS? Thanks!
Hey Rachel! Thsnk you so much for reading! And yes’ I know there’s a motivation problem with treating stuttering, I speak to students in any opportunity I get to. The fact is that we desperately lack SLPs that understand stuttering to its core, and the full experience of stuttering. It is really a field of therapy that can change lives! For me personally, I have gone from one therapy to another and have never heard the combination of words “Stuttering is OK” until I was in my mid 20’s. And as soon as I started to realise that what I think about stuttering might not necessarily be true – it changed my life completely. So SLPs can save a journey of decades to live a full life, SLPs who treat stuttering can change someone’s life in the most profound way. I think the world of stuttering therapy is shifting – clients are becoming more aware that what they might want (a fix) might not be what they need (avoidance reduction, acceptance, changing perceptions, etc.) – it’s a very interesting field and it will never be boring 🙂
Hi Bethany! I think that for people who stutter who are at the beginning of their journey, the feedback for avoidance reduction is super important, so there is a need to acknowledge the simple things which are not at all taken for granted. But as a community, and as a society, we really do wish for the day when open stuttering wouldn’t require so much courage – so this is basically the next level of acceptance, where we demand from society to see us as equals.
Hi Shiran, This poem resonated with me so much that I kept marinating on it all day. As a future SLP, it helped me see a different side of PWS. We often imagine encouragement for tasks to have a positive outcome, but I can completely see now how frustrating it can be for someone to applaud you for something you consider an ordinary task. Thank you for showing me a different side of PWS! – Maria Balkji
Thank you so much Maria!
Hello Shiran!
I found your poem to be very eye-opening and so beautiful! It never occurred to me that my encouragement and praise regarding an everyday task could be potentially hurtful or bothersome to those who stutter. I admire your transparency and thank you for sharing something so personal.
If you don’t mind me asking, what actions would you take to normalize stuttering in our society?
Thank you!
Hi Madimatta! Thank you so much for taking the time! Normalizing stuttering in our society requires joint efforts of stuttering organizations in raising awareness to stuttering and both us, people who stutter or parents of people who stutter – through advocating, educating, and explaining what stuttering is (and isn’t).
Hi Shiran,
I really enjoyed reading your poem, it’s a beautiful way of telling people to not applaud PWS for doing simple things, simply because they might not expect them to be able to. PWS are capable just like any other person and should be treated as so.
My question, if you don’t mind me asking, is what lead you to write the poem? Was it a personal interaction that made you wonder why people would congratulate you because of your stutter, or a story from someone else that prompted you to write?
Thank you!
Hi Macey! thanks for reading the poem! Well, actually throughout the past year I had some opportunities to present my research , and each time it was super scary and also super exciting, and In was really proud of myself for not avoiding these presentations. But lately I started looking at it from another angle, thinking about children who stutter and need to present in class, or do all sorts of things that are scary when you stutter, and I thought to myself “why on earth should we have to be so brave to do these normal things? It’s not fair!”. So this poem is about the world I want to see, where it will be so normal to just present something or answer the phone and stutter, and it wouldn’t require us to be superheros to do these things.
Hi Shiran! I thought your poem was beautiful and powerful. If a person who stutters is put on a pedestal any time they do what to a person who does not stutter is an everyday task, we will never normalize stuttering. I am hopeful for what you described as the “day when people who stutter will be applauded only for doing the extraordinary, just like anyone else would.” What would you say are actions we can all take to get closer to that day?
Hi mmald14. That’s the million dollar question 🙂 I think that stop concealing stuttering and standing up for our right to stutter and be given the proper accomodations and space to stutter are the key. Normalizing stuttering will take time, and maybe we won’t see the change we so wish to see in our generation, but it’s a process we must follow for the future generations of people who stutter.
Hi Shiran,
I enjoyed reading this poem it gave me a great insight into how PWS just want to live their life as normal as everyone else there shouldn’t be this line drawn in the sand. My question for you is, How has all of the extra attention for doing the “normal” things in life affected you professionally and personally?
Best,
Cynthia
Hi Sierra! Thank you for reading the poem. Actually what affected me most in my personally and professionally is my own extra attention to normal things – each job interview, even the preliminary interview on te phone, requires me to gather every shred of confidence and courage to go through. I personally don’t let stuttering hold me back and try not to avoid the “normal” things, but it is SUPER exhausting to have to be extra-courageous and extra-attentive to every speaking situation. And I truely think that normalizing stuttering will make it so much easier for us, because no one can be so brave all the time.
Hi Shiran,
Could you do me a favor and reply to question if you can? I have a assignment I have to complete that includes your response.
Thank you !!
Cynthia mine is Sierras@1975
Hi! Hope I gave the answered you needed. Anyway feel free to write to me if you need anything else : shiran.israel@gmail.com
Hello Shiran,
I loved your poem, I love what you are saying that why do people think that because you stutter you can’t do ordinary things. I love this!!
Hey Sonrie! Exactly. thank you so much 🙂
Hi Shiran,
This poem was amazing. I am currently in school taking a fluency class and I have learned I should not applaud a child for the little things but encourage and be there for them and not make them feel out of the ordinary for doing little tasks. I love how you wrote the poem but included a paragraph at the end to explain how you felt.
Thanks for posting!
-Callie
Hi Callie! That’s exactly te normalization we’re hoping for. Thank you!!
Hello Shiran,
thank you for taking the time to share your post with us. I found it very inspiring and insightful. I admire you for standing up for thoughts and beliefs. It must be frustrating for PWS to simply be able to accomplish something without having to get recognized for it like receiving a cookie or sticker as an award. Stuttering should become normalized in that people should understand that although PWS have a hard time communicating at times does not mean they aren’t capable of achieving great things.
Hey Jessica, thank you so much, that’s exactly the point.
Hi Shiran, I really appreciate your post. I loved the poem and the message, it is important to realize that as humans we all have challenges in different ways, but if our challenges aren’t the visible kind, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Stuttering is a challenge.
Thank you,
-DANA
Hi Dana. Indeed, it’s an everyday challenge. Hopefully with the increase in normalization it will become just a different way of speaking and nothing more.
I really appreciate your post and the message that it conveys. Many people do not know how to react to people who stutter when they are uneducated about stuttering. What they probably mean to be encouraging can actually be demeaning. My favorite part of the poem was when you mentioned that praising someone for having the courage to do such ordinary things assumes you need extra strength to live a normal life. Thank you for sharing!
Dear Shiran
I’m so happy I got to meet you and hear your passion when you speak about your research(, which I will contact you about btw, when the ISAD dust has calmed down). Yes, most things we do are things other people do as well and need no applauds. We just want to be seen, heard, and respected for who we are, not applauded for fluency. But sometimes when people cross that line from feeling the fear, and suddenly doing it anyway, that to me is worth an applaud. After that, it’s normal. 😉
Thank you for your poem
Anita
Hey Anita! It was such a pleasure to meet you in person 🙂 I just wish that one day it wouldn’t take so much to cross that line because stuttering will be seen and heard everywhere.
Shiran,
Thank you for sharing your experiences with stuttering. Your poem offers a different side of PWS that we do not normally see. Your poem has made me further develop my understanding of stuttering and how it is frustrating for a PWS to be praised for completing mundane tasks. Your views help to show everyone that PWS are normal people who lead normal lives and do not need to be looked down upon as broken or fragile. PWS deserve to be praised like everyone else in society for extraordinary things instead of everyday ones.
Hi Liz, thank you so much for reading! Doing these little things is really a big deal and people who stutter are really super-heros for stepping out of their comfort zone one time after another, but the point is that it shouldn’t be like this. We should have space to stutter. And I really believe that in time we will.