Supporting a Friend Who Stutters: Finding the Right Balance
I graduate in May with my master’s in speech-language pathology, and I have a best friend who stutters. When we talk about my future work as an SLP, she’s always curious about who I work with and often shares her own experiences with speech therapy. She had therapy until high school but felt it never really helped, so she’s just accepted her stutter as part of who she is. Should I provide her with resources or ask her more questions, or would it be better to simply follow her lead and respect her comfort with it? – Molly Clark 🙂
Thank you for this important question, Molly.
My advice is this: Let your friend take the lead. If she would like to know more about stuttering, or more about modern therapy options, or therapeutic information, she can ask you. And since you’re best friends, and she has talked with you in the past about her therapy experiences, and your experiences as a student clinician, I’m sure she would feel comfortable in asking you such questions – IF she is interested in pursuing the subject.
I would not raise the questions on your own. I know if I was in your friend’s place, I would be uncomfortable in being given information about stuttering or therapeutic advice if I didn’t ask for it.
Please just accept your friend as she is, unless your friend initiates such questions on her own without being prompted.
Please follow her lead and respect her comfort level.
Thank you!
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer this. I am so thankful for your wise words, I love the idea of following her lead. It can be hard because it is wired in us clinicians to “fix” people or help when in reality, JUST our clinical expertise and just wanting to help can do more harm than good. Thank you.
Great replies from Paul. But I would still say: Ask your friend if it’s OK to ask questions, and explain it’s not to analyse or treat her, but to learn from her. SLPs have tools, but we have the expertise on our own stuttering. And if she’s been around, is OK with you asking for advice, and she simply keeps calm and stutter on: kudos! Use her expertise. if you haven’t, ask her how she’d wish SLPs would be and what to do. And ask her where you can find more people you can ask questions too. As we’re all different, all carry luggage, have different cultures and experiences. And none of us is wrong, so to get more people to ask (as a friend, not as an SLP who wants to treat), the greater your understanding for other PWS’ wants, needs and expectations, so that you can become an even better SLP. 🙂
I really appreciate you taking the time to answer this. I love how you added the option of asking if it’s okay to ask questions not to treat but to just understand. So well said. Understanding should be the goal not only as a friend (who is not a person who stutters) but also as a future SLP seeing the client and asking questions for them as people rather than a client you are trying to treat. They are a person first! Thank you again.