What you wish you knew
I am a second year graduate student this semester graduating this upcoming august and I am also in a stuttering class currently. We are learning a lot about resources and information to provide to individuals who stutter and their families, as well as the importance of meeting them where they are at. Asking as a future SLP, what are some things you wish you knew when you found out you had a stutter? What is something that maybe you weren’t told in therapy, or wish you would have been given more information about that would have helped you in your day-to-day life inside and outside of the therapy room? Is there anything that you were told that didn’t actually turn out to be true?
I look forward to hearing your reply!
Thanks,
Emily, future SLP
Good day, Emily.
Thank you for your thoughtful question.
What I wish I had known is how to accept my stammer. There was no awareness of stammering in Ghana at the time I realized it was affecting my life and education. I had never heard of speech therapy before. What I knew and heard was that people who stammer were constantly mocked, especially in movies and stand-up comedy. Given the circumstances, there was no way I was going to disclose my stammer. ‘Fortunately’ for me, I was skilled at hiding my stammer, and only a few close friends and relatives were aware of my stammer. Hiding my stammer came at a high price: emotional distress. I wish I had known about acceptance and had disclosed my stammer as best I could. I would have been less nervous and confident when speaking, and I would have taken advantage of any opportunity that came my way. It would have improved my social life and given me more opportunities for meaningful relationships! I would have become the School’s Prefect who faithfully discharged his duties and stood fearlessly in front of the school to address them whenever I wished. In my university days, I would have probably run for SRC President. I would have worked in the media and been on the radio like I wanted.
Acceptance! Acceptance! Acceptance! I wish I had known this when I was younger!
Best Wishes,
Elias.
Hi Emily,
I wish I had a better understanding of stuttering and what it entailed. Being that I was only six, the information may have been overwhelming at first but I nonetheless wish I knew more in terms of what causes it, how a stutterer’s brain works even.
Something else is that I wish there was even some encouraging beliefs about stuttering. I grew up mainly in the 90s, so stigmas were still very prevalent.
It was a “problem” and needed “fixing”, so it was discouraging, thinking I was almost wrong for stuttering.
Today, you hear more and more about acceptance in relation to stuttering. I love that but at the same time, I do wish that was practiced when I was growing up.
Best,
Ryan
I think in the moment – nothing. Not until I started being affected by the stutter itself. It just happens, roll with it and keep going!
Then I would’ve needed to be told here and there that I can stutter and be the lead in plays, act, speak, debate, if I wanted to.
Thank you for these most interesting questions!
I have had an enormous amount of therapy experiences of different types. Some of it I found quite helpful, and at times very helpful. The majority of my therapy experiences did not result in any benefits.
But I wish that my therapists could have told me exactly what I would experience with whatever advice they gave me, or the techniques they taught me. Of course, they could not have done this – as people who stutter are all different, and therapists can’t always predict what experiences a particular person who stutters will have.
But my fluency shaping clinicians – I experienced four different fluency shaping programs with varying levels of success – should never have told me that my fluency gains would be permanent. I heard this many times from different clinicians, and this was really irresponsible on the part of these clinicians. Typically I was told something like this: “If you follow the techniques we have taught you, you will be fluent for the rest of your life. Your stuttering will be totally and permanently gone!”
This is something that should NEVER be told to any client who stutters – regardless of how well a client adapts to techniques within therapy sessions.
When this faulty information is absorbed, then when stuttering returns (something that is almost certainly inevitable), the feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even anguish, can be devastating.
While therapists cannot exactly predict what a client’s experiences will be, they CAN offer realistic advice, and not make clients falsely believe they will never stutter again.
I wish my fluency shaping clinicians had told me something like this: “When these techniques are well practiced, it is likely that you will experience greatly improved fluency. You may not be totally fluent. Indeed you probably will not be. And certainly, you need to expect that even in the best of circumstances, stuttering will probably come back at times. So please do NOT expect that these techniques will cure, because they won’t. There is never a guarantee that these techniques will always help. But there is a good chance they will often help to a substantial extent, IF you continue to practice and monitor them diligently. There is currently no cure for stuttering, and this you must understand. These techniques have the potential to very much help you – but not completely end your stuttering, and in no way will they be a cure. Whether you choose to practice and use them is up to you. You may decide to simply accept your stuttering without relying on these techniques, and that’s a perfectly valid option also. And whatever you decide in this respect, that’s fine. But knowing these techniques will probably be very helpful to you in the long run, if you choose to practice and use them.”
No therapist ever told me something like that. And I really wish I was told that. Although the word “cure” was seldom used in my therapies, that was often an implication. “Do this, and you won’t stutter again.” While that’s not a direct quote, that was what many therapists caused me to falsely believe.
Finally, here is a prediction that was made to me and a classmate at the end of the first grade, more than 60 years ago. (I was then 7 years old.)
For a year, I had attended school speech therapy with a girl classmate who also stuttered. (My stuttering was far more severe than hers.)
At the end of that school year, our speech therapist first turned to my classmate. “I predict that you will not stutter at all when you grow up.” My classmate (with mild to moderate stuttering) was very pleased to hear that.
Then, the therapist turned to me, and she hesitated for a moment. (My stuttering was quite severe.)
“Paul, I think you will stutter a little bit when you grow up.”
I WISH that therapist had been correct about me, but she wasn’t. I certainly have stuttered far more than just “a little bit” in adulthood. My stuttering is severe, and it has always been a significant factor in my life.
Many decades later, I came back into contact with my former classmate through Facebook. She told me that stuttering was still a problem for her.
Our therapist was wrong about both of us.
Hi Emily. Thank you for your important question. And for saying you’re in a stuttering class, and not in a fluency class. As what I wished I’d know was that I am good enough, just the way I am. That there is so much more to aim for than fluency. F ex the love of talking. Presenting. Singing. Travelling. Studying. All things I liked but was told not to, “forget it as you stutter”. I wish they would have told me to stay true to myself and not trying to please others, while losing my own personality. I wish that, instead of only focusing on my speech, they would have taught me to focus on becoming a better speaker, self-worth, body language, and simply some tools to get me out of blocks. As climbing the Mt Everest is not for all. It’s not all or nothing. Fluency or silence. It’s about baby steps stepping out of your comfort zone, becoming the person YOU want to be, instead of what society expects from you. As stuttering is one part of me, just something I do, not who I am. So for an SLP to stand by my side, trying to find out who I am, what I want and need, what my goals are, and offer me a smörgåsbord with options for me to try, even if I want to try options that are not on the “meny”. Listen to me. Advice me. Guide me. Cheer me. But also to keep me grounded. I will never be a sales person. Not because of my stutter, but because I’m just not a sales person. And that’s OK. As being different is OK. What if all would be the same? And why do I accept other people to be imperfect, but won’t allow myself to be imperfect? Are fluent people perfect, leading the perfect lives? We all have things we do not like about ourselves. But that doesn’t make us less worthy. Maybe even more interesting. 🙂
As they were all wrong. I became a public speaker, a teacher teaching teachers. Speaking several languages. And not one of them fluently. 😉
Keep them talking
Anita