The Role of Family Support in Stuttering Therapy
Hi, my name is Faith Antley, and I am a second-year graduate student in Speech-Language Pathology at Stephen F. Austin State University. I’ve had the opportunity to work with both children and adults who stutter, and one thing I’ve realized is how valuable family involvement can be in the therapy process.
I’ve seen how a supportive environment can make a huge difference in confidence, motivation, and carryover outside the therapy room. However, I also know that family members sometimes feel unsure about what to say or how to respond when moments of stuttering occur.
For those of you who stutter or have worked with families, what do you feel are the most helpful ways family members can support someone who stutters at home or in everyday communication?
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences and insights!
Hello Faith
1. Allow the PWS to speak and to stutter. Avoid interrupting, finishing their words or sentences.
2. Avoid suggestions on what to do, such as “slow down”, “take a breath”. It’s not helpful
3. Avoid suggestions related to using so-called “tools” from therapy. It’s not helpful.
4. Speak openly in the home about stuttering. Stuttering must not be a secret, something not spoken about, since that causes shame, and shame … well, it’s the heart of most maladies, and so unnecessary.
5. When speaking about stuttering, be sure to avoid judgement, and avoid judgement words like “good” or “bad”. When I had a day with a lot of stuttering, I just stuttered. It is not bad and not good. When I had a day with little stuttering, it is not a “good” day. Yes, some days are easier and some are harder – we are not minimizing the challenge – but we must avoid judgement of stuttering or the absence of stuttering.
6. Educate the household about stuttering: the neurophysiological source; primary and secondary characteristics; the stigma of stuttering and it’s effect on the PWS and on the parents
7. Know and repeat: Stuttering is a difference, not a defect. It’s ok to stutter.
8. Yes, the experience of stuttering can be hard. Let’s understand why and let’s respect the difficulty, but avoid trying to suppress the stuttering, since fluency-focused methods often cause harm (including anxiety and shame).
9. Encourage participation in life. Speak and stutter; don’t avoid living your life because of it.
10. Don’t be alone. Find community, for the PWS and for the family. The National Stuttering Association in the USA has many avenues for such community support.
I hope this helps.
Hanan
Hi, Faith, and thank you for this important question.
First and foremost, family members need to be PATIENT with people who stutter. They need to be kind and loving, and should not interrupt the person who stutters, or attempt to finish sentences, or make unhelpful remarks about a person’s stuttering. Family members need to respond to a person’s content – WHAT a person is saying, rather than the way he or she is saying it.
In my own experience, my family members were very accepting of my stuttering. One of my father’s first cousins stutters; when I was a little boy, she was a teenage girl. We saw her often, as she lived with her mother (my great-aunt) downstairs from my paternal grandparents. My family was already familiar with stuttering when I began to stutter at about age 3, and it was presumed that there were genetic reasons for my stuttering.
When I was very young, though, my mother had the undesirable habit of shaking her head back and forth, from side to side, making “Tsk-tsk-tsk” sounds when I had difficulties in speaking. She was internally sad and upset that I was having such difficulties.
Luckily, a speech therapist told her to stop having that reaction, and she did.
Decades later, my mother helped me practice fluency shaping techniques I had learned, by talking to me very slowly, softly, gently, and sweetly. This immensely helped me to practice fluent speaking, which I did for a long time.
My father had his own ways of helping me.
He did have the unfortunate habit of interrupting me and finishing my sentences, but he often did that with everyone – fluent or not. He was an attorney, and was especially skilled in cross-examination in courtrooms. And he sometimes (inappropriately) carried that skill into other situations in life.
On the positive side, my father used his lawyer skills to help me in any way he could. He talked with my teachers and professors whenever there was a problem. And when I took expensive therapy programs, he was often able to get insurance coverage for me by threatening lawsuits against the insurance company.
Family support is SO important to people who stutter! This is a great help to people who stutter, as they navigate the challenges of their journeys through life.
Thank you Faith for your very important question.
! I myself had a very hard time as a kid who stuttered. I was told stuttering was wrong, and life would be meaningless as I was a failure, I was bullied, until I tried to give up on life. Things changed when I met the right people. A boss who told me I was doing a good job. A boyfriend who told me I was a great person. At the age of 27… I found a broschure about the stuttering support group. Wait, what?? Are there others?? From that moment on I never stopped talking and found my self worth. And I started camps for children and for young people who stutter, for them to found out they are not alone and give peer support.
Some parents deny their child stutters. Others don’t know where to go or what to do, especially when teachers say it’s not a problem, and health care tells them to wait. Now these might be true, but worried parents, parents who carry shame, bring that to their children, who start to realize they are doing something that makes their parents sad, worried or ashamed.
I know parents don’t want their children to suffer. But sometimes sending kids to all kinds of therapy, instead of sending them to a camp where they can be themselves, no matter how they speak, can make all the difference. Helping the child to get a surrounding where stuttering is OK. Where there is therapy, but by the right SLPs who don’t just focus on fluency, and ONLY if the child wants to.
Helping the child means also to talk to teachers as many don’t know how to deal with a CWS. But maybe most important of all is to make the child feel s/he is good enough, just the way s/he is. To show all the skills s/he has, the great personality. And that stuttering doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. It’s just a bit harder. And that many people have issues they’d rather be without. Stuttering it not good, not bad, it just is. But that you’re not less of a person. That you should get the respect you deserve, the help and adjustments you have the right to. To explain what stuttering is, so that the child can explain it to others. Through books like Franky Banky, buttons to show that stuttering is cool (any new fashion or music style started with one person brave (!) enough to be different), and that s/he has a day all for themselves, the ISAD, where they deserve that special cake, or cinema visit. 😉 So in short: give the child the tools to see s/he is OK and that the world simply needs to be better listeners. Sending the kid to a camp is a great start, also for parents to meet other parents and adult PWS.
I’ve been a leader for stutter camps for many years. And met lots of parents who are sad over their children who stutter. As a parent, you don’t want your child to struggle and want them to have a great life and speak freely. Well, that’s exactly what you should aim for. I once found a parent crying. I asked why and she said “I thought this camp would help my child stop stuttering. And meeting you I realize this might never happen.” I than asked her if I seem unhappy. Married, mother, career, friends, etc. She suddenly smiled and realized my point.
I also gave some advice in my paper in this conference, so please have a read. 🙂
Keep them talking
Anita
Hello, Faith and thank you for posting to the professional panel. Best wishes in your graduate studies- I happen to know your instructor and she’s pretty great! I love this question very much! The way that a parent and/or caregiver responds to a young child’s stuttering is one of the first questions I ask a parent when I am doing an evaluation on a child. How a caregiver responds to stuttering in the home can give you so much information- communication pressure in the home, expectations, space to stutter freely or not- whatever the response may be- you can gather so much information from the parent/caregiver answer. Also, in asking this question- make sure to give parents grace- as they only know what they know. Parents don’t likely know what we know about stuttering being in our SLP world- so listen to their perspectives and thoughts, and be validating. Most parents truly want to be helpful to their children, and not be hurtful or harmful… so a caregiver likely has the best of intentions in telling their child to “slow down” or “it’s ok take the time you need and say that again”, for example- even if these things are far from helpful to the child. What helps a person who stutters and what supports that person wants (even adults…) varies from person-to-person. I’ve had adult clients tell me they want people to remind them to “slow down” and others tell me they despise being told this. I’ve had children tell me it really bugs them when their parent says, “try that again your mind got ahead of your mouth” (which isn’t true with what we know about stuttering)… and others tell me, “I don’t mind when my mom tells me that” or whatnot. So the best rule of thumb: don’t assume anything- PWS have personal preferences within their own lived stuttering experiences- and children often know far more about their stuttering than we think they do. We are told, in general, not to interrupt PWS (and this is great advise and a great rule of thumb to live by)… but I will never forget the moment when we were walking into a very fancy restaurant, and my best friend who stutters turned to me and said, “can you do me a big favor, and when they ask for my name for the reservation, if I get stuck, will you please tell them my name- I’m giving you permission- I need you to do that for me.” And I obliged. So all that to say- I tell parents and folks involved in the lives of PWS to “just ask”. Even kids. The very first person I ever treated who stutters was an adult in his mid-40s who stuttered quite prominently. Grad school honestly didn’t prepare me for such a situation… and after he finished telling me a bit about himself I said, “Can I ask you something?” He said, “Sure”. I said, “what do you want me to do when you stutter like that” and he said, “no one has ever asked me that”- he told me what he wanted me to do- and we had a great therapeutic relationship for a year and a half. We can gain so much insight when we ask and don’t just assume. So-back to kids-after learning how a parent responds to stuttering in the home, I always validate the parent/caregiver and their feelings, because we are counseling the parents so much, too. If the parent asks “I don’t know what to do or how to respond” I usually tell them to let their child take the lead with their communication wants and needs, give them space to communicate (in as much of a safe space as possible) and then as for feedback, ask curious questions like, “do you like it when I tell you that or does it make you upset?”- as parents we can learn so much from actually asking our children how they feel about things- or as spouses or friends- asking our partners or other adults how they feel about things. A child may respond with, “I don’t know”- and that’s an ok response, too! A parent could then maybe respond with, “Ok- well if I ever say anything or do anything that you don’t like or is upsetting to you please tell me” which can also touch on the self-advocacy piece as well. I hope this was helpful! There’s also great tips for parents and listeners of PWS online with the NSA website, Stuttering Foundation website, etc- just like with any other handouts we use in therapy, make sure the tips apply to the client or parent and cross out or add to any areas you need to, to make it personal. Take care!