shocking facts about stuttering
Hi! My name is Kylie Mashburn, and I am a second-year graduate student at Stephen F. Austin State University. I am currently taking a Fluency Disorders course, and every week, I am shocked by new information we are given about what can make stuttering and the feeling around it worse or even make a person stop talking altogether. As a child, I struggled with a stutter and was always told to think about what I wanted to say before I tried to say it, and it always frustrated me so much because my thought was 100% there in my brain but wouldn’t come out of my mouth. Now we’ve learned that that can be so damaging to a child with a stutter (as it was for me), and I’ve enjoyed learning about how I can help the new generation of people with stutters without causing more frustration. With all of that said, what is the most shocking/validating information you’ve learned about stuttering as someone who stutters? Also, how did that fact make you feel after you learned it? I look forward to seeing y’all’s responses and hopefully learning something new!
Hi Kylie!
One of the most validating things I was ever told, which didn’t happen until I was 25, was that it is ok to stutter. After spending so many years in speech therapy being taught that stuttering was something that had to be “fixed”, to finally hear that it is ok to stutter was a relief. I found an online stuttering community and they helped me realize this. It made stuttering easier and also helped me realize that it is not necessarily my fault that I stutter. Speech therapy can sometimes lead to someone blaming themselves for their stutters as they can feel like if I put more work into overcoming it, I wouldn’t stutter anymore. I’m not against people choosing to go the fluency route as I am for people doing what makes them happy and feel better about themselves, but it is so important for people to remember how speech therapy can be harmful.
Matt
I’d really recommend that you read the book “Life on Delay” by John Hendrickson. There’s a passage in there where he discusses “the look” which doesn’t need any further description to a stutterer but he goes on to describe it as the facial expression/reaction from your listener/conversation partner when you stutter for the first time meeting someone. In this moment, the listener is trying to figure out and understand what just happened and how to feel about it.
I hope this doesn’t sound too circular, but one interesting thing I’ve noticed, is that it’s my reaction to their reaction that causes me the most stress/anxiety during or leading up to a conversation
Hi, Kylie, and thank you for this most interesting question.
When I think back of the most shocking thing I discovered about my severe stuttering – and this may surprise people who are familiar with many of my writings in stuttering forums – is that maintaining great fluency is actually within the realm of possibility for me.
This goes back about 30-50 years for me. From the mid-1970’s (when I was in my early 20’s), and going forwards for nearly a quarter-century, I was obsessed with transforming myself into a fluent person. And what was incredibly surprising to me was that I COULD speak fluently, and maintain fluency for long periods of time.
I went through four different fluency shaping programs, and did achieve quite a bit of success. I achieved my greatest fluency successes with the old Precision Fluency Shaping Program (developed by the now-defunct Hollins Communications Research Institute of Roanoke, Virginia).
At times, using intensively practiced fluency shaping techniques, I was able to speak fluently for weeks, and sometimes for months, on end.
But a major problem was that for me to maintain that fluency, I had to intensively practice each day, and also to monitor every conversation for technique use.
I enjoyed the fluency, and remained very surprised by what I was capable of.
But it was just too much work for me, too much intensive effort involved.
Eventually I decided it was just not worth the trouble.
About 25 years ago, I decided to simply, calmly, and peacefully to accept myself as a person who happens to stutter, a person with a speech difference. And this decision led me to much happiness and satisfaction in life, and a much less stressful life. I finally accepted myself as I am, realizing that consistent fluency of speech is just not essential to life happiness.
Making this decision took a huge weight off my shoulders. Why indeed is fluency of speech so essential?
For me, this was a complete change in perspective.
Still, I remember how shocked and surprised I was many decades ago, when I discovered that fluency of speech was something that was indeed possible for me.
In retrospect, realizing that fluency is within my grasp if I REALLY want it, has ironically helped me accept and solidify my newer perspective regarding my stuttering. Yes, I could be fluent if I wanted to put in the enormous time and effort to maintain the fluency. But I choose not to – and I am very satisfied with that decision.
Hi Kylie and thank you for your important question and observation, but also for becoming an SLP while beinga PWS. As that shows to the world, your clients and their parents that it’s not about being fluent, but about following your dreams, and invest in what your good at and where your passion is. So to me the start is by walking away from the word FLUENCY. As fluency is often a way to high goal which can make people feel they “failed” by not becoming fluent, but not everyone has fluency as a goal. it can be to get some help to get out of a block, to gain more self-esteem, to expend comfort zones or even to help explain stuttering to others or to find the answers to raise awareness.
So instead of aiming for fluency (which is like climbing the Mt Everest! which can lead to being covert, being silent, or even worse, as in my case)), aim for yor client to talk. We don’t need to hear we should think first, as we already know what we want to say. It just won’t come out all at once. You yourself know that, which is what makes you a great SLP. 🙂 So maybe it’s time to refocus and aim therapy (also) towards society, teachers, employers, family members, friends, and teach them to listen. For when we talk, that shows we really want to talk to you and share our thoughts, and when we look for that job, we are convinced we can do a good job, maybe even better, as we’re used to fight harder, so meet that with respect.
I’ve been told that stuttering is my fault, and I should make it go away, or not speak. That bullying would stop if I would stop stuttering. That I was a failure, should not study, would never get a partner or a job, as there was no future for me, other than alone and in silence. That my stutter was a curse, a punishment, either to my parents or to me. So I always felt guilty, as I was the one causing all this. I made people feel uncomfortable. I was only stuttering to get attention. And I would never be fluent as I didn’t want it bad enough and not working hard enough. To hear this at home, in school, made me try to give up.
Things changed when I met the right people. A boss who told me I was doing a good job. A boyfriend who told me I was a great person. At the age of 27… I found a broschure about the stuttering support group. Wait, what?? Are there others?? From that moment on I never stopped talking and found my self worth. And I started camps for children and for young people who stutter, for them to find out they are not alone, and give peer support. Instead of hearing I shouldn’t study, I shouldn’t get a job, I moved abroad, got headhunted for most of my jobs, became an international keynote speaker and even a teacher, teaching teachers!
So yes, we have a voice and we should keep talking, to make others listen.
Anita