Question for PWS
Hi! I am currently a graduate student, but I am also an SLP-Assistant at a public school (elementary K-4). I am currently working with a 4th grade child who stutters, and we have been consistently working on affirmations. She is very self-conscious and aware of her stutter, as well as the secondary behaviors that go along with it. I felt like we needed to take a step back and just work on telling ourselves positive things/affirmations. I know that sometimes negativity can overwhelm a person, and I want to be the type of (future) SLP who does her best to instill positivity, hope, and self-worth into the clients I see.
My question is this (because I feel like self-reflection is also very important): if you could go back and give advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Thanks so much!
Lisanne
Hi Lisanne,
Firstly I just want to say that I think positive affirmations can have a great impact on people, especially when they’re so young, so you’re doing really vital work with your client!
Secondly (and I hope you don’t mind a longer answer) but a while ago I wrote a letter to my younger self, please see below. I hope I’ve helped.
Dear Bevin,
I wanted to write you a letter to let you know that everything works out just fine.
I know that’s hard to believe just now because your stutter seems to be one of your biggest obstacles at the moment.
I’m sorry you had to spend so many years feeling afraid of being called on in class or having to introduce yourself.
I’m sorry you felt that your voice wasn’t worth using because you didn’t speak as quickly or as smoothly as the other people in your class.
I’m sorry that you missed out on opportunities because your own voice felt so small.
But I’m writing to you to let you know that it does get better.
You learn how to use that beautiful voice of yours.
You become part of class discussions.
You make so many new friends by introducing yourself.
You take chances and they pay off.
You use your voice to help others.
And you still stutter.
Your stutter your way through.
But not only do you stutter, you own your stutter.
You become a person who stutters, and not just a stutterer.
I also wanted to say thank you.
Thank you for being you because I wouldn’t be me without you.
And I wouldn’t be where I am today without you.
I love you (and your quiet voice) unconditionally.
– Older you
Yes, positive affirmations are great. (As long as they are not too fuzzy, which doesn’t work for all.)
My experiences with teens and young adults who stutter who have mental health issues, it’s mostly because they are not being listened to. They tell me they can’t talk to their parents, they feel “different” and feel they are not being understood, so they withdraw. For most of them it comes back to the fact that stuttering is not the main issue, but people are. Have a look at the presentation of Willemijn (in this and previous years’ ISAD conferences) and Jeffrey (in this year’s conference), both young adults who have been to camps, met peers who became their forever friends and are now paying it forward.
I’d like to say to all kids who struggle with mental health: find your people. It’s really hard to find stuttering pride, when the world around you is telling to that you’re not “normal”. People telling you to not be nervous or to take a deep breath, people telling you there is this quick fix, the media showing movies and documentaries where stuttering is funny or stupid and where someone who’s “cured” is a role model, teachers grading your speech instead of your knowledge, employers judging you, and even the person in the street who can’t wait for you to finish your sentence and that device or answering machine not understanding your words…
Did you see the connection? It’s people. People who know what stuttering is about. Who don’t judge you, see you for who you are and the skills you have, and who include solutions for people who stutter. I changed from pretending I was mute to not have to talk, to someone who’s a stuttering activist, thanks to people. People who told me I am good enough, that my voice (no matter how I speak) is ok to be heard, that I’m a great and intelligent person. People who see the person behind the stutter.
I can’t advice what helps for all, but some ideas are to find ways to express yourself. Through music, art etc. To focus on what you CAN do and what you love doing. To realize everyone has things they don’t like, that being fluent is no garantee for happiness, that stuttering is not who you are, and that you can be a good communicator, stuttering and all.
Meet others who stutter. There are conferences, support groups, camps, chats, groups, etc. There are role models who stutter, but who are successful, and even making a living thanks to their stutter. Follow f ex Nina G, Marc Winski, The organisation STAMMA often shows videos of people who stutter but who are doing their thing anyway.
In short: surround yourself with people who lift you up. And who help you find your voice, to speak up and say what you want to say, and also say what you want and don’t want other people to do or say. We need to claim our right to stutter and make stuttering normal. It’s just the way we speak.
Keep them talking
Anita