PWS and Bullying
Hi, I’m Kinley Pepper. I am currently in SLP graduate school and plan to work in the school setting after graduation. I know that each person’s school experience is different, but I know it is not uncommon for people who stutter to be bullied. In your experience, was there anything you wish your SLP would have done to advocate and teach other students and teachers about stuttering? Also, did your SLP discuss appropriate things to say to others who may bully, or did you have to ask your parents for advice? I know the answer may differ from each person and I will always ask the student first, but I would love to advocate for my students without overstepping.
I was never bullied by peers, really, because I went to a private K-8 so everyone knew I stuttered and they knew it wasn’t something to make fun of.
Moreso I had issues with teachers actually — I can’t remember what SLPs said…. My mom always told me people needed to wait for me, and to tell her right away if anyone made fun of her. I imagine the SLPs encouraged that people were told to wait.
This is tough – I think if it’s addressed well, it’s good. I wouldn’t want an SLP to suggest bullying WILL happen and to be prepared. But also talking about ways to disclosure or have those moments could certainly be useful. Curious what kind of things do you think an SLP might or might not say or teach?
Hi Kinley and thank you for this important question.
I have been bullied a lot! By classmates, first pushing, throwing my stuff on the floor, calling me fish (as my mouth would open but nothing came out). But as I am the youngest of seven, the physical bullying I could deal with. So than they started to treat me like thin air. I wasn’t allowed to play with them, come home to them, they walked away when I came closer, I was invisible. But also teachers bullied me. When I asked for help, I was told to just stop stuttering. I was told to be quiet in class as I took up too much time. When I froze I “hadn’t done my homework” (one teacher forced only me to come in front of the class, knowing I couldn’t talk there). And I was told it was no use studiying as I wouldn’t get anywhere anyway. And with my family, teachers, peers and my first job interviewer all told me I was hopeless, that made me try to end my life. So your question means a lot to me.
Yes it’s common for people who are unusual in any way, whether that’s stuttering, the “wrong” clothes, or being “a nerd”. So what we all need is a couple of things.
– Talk to the teacher. Make sure them have material on stuttering, even if they say they don’t have students who stutter, as that’s not true. They either don’t recognize them, or teachers say that it’s not a problem. But when I ask if they have spoken to the student, and if it’s a problem for him/her, they look at their feet… Get the teacher to bring up the subject that all people are different. And not just talk about the blind, the deaf, using in a wheelchair, or having “letter diagnosis”. But that there are so many invisible disabilities. Using the ISAD might be too much focus on the stuttering student, but why not use Dec 3, being the international day of people with disabilities, and include stuttering? Or bring a PWS to the class to talk to the teachers and the classmates. And talk about bullying! Some teachers are walking the court during breaks, but are just talking to each other. Some thing that bullying is the physical and oral part, but don’t see the silent bullying. Check out the quiet ones and talk to them.
– Talk to the parents. Some parents deny their child stutters. Others don’t know where to go or what to do, especially when teachers say it’s not a problem, and health care tells them to wait. Now these might be true, but worried parents, parents who carry shame, bring that to their children, who start to realize they are doing something that makes their parents sad, worried or ashamed.
– Talk to the child. Explain bullying is common, but still not OK. That is has nothing to do with you, but with their insecurity. Tell them when it happens, to speak with an adult. And if this adult doesn’t listen, to speak with another. To not think it’s their fault. That stuttering is not their fault. That they are superheroes, doing what is tough and yet doing it anyway. Train them what to do when bullied. From “calmly” walking away, to finding replies like “you might imitate me, but you’ll never be as good at stuttering as I am”, or to simply smile and say “Yup. Sure you’re right, anything you say” (as there’s nothing that takes them off guard as to smile, agree, but with pride, knowing your own worth). And teach them their self-worth. Show them everything they are good at and that not being perfect is good enough, and actually being a good thing, as perfect people are boring. 😉
It’s getting better, but after having hosted camps for children and young adults who stutter, there are so many stories of bullying, even today, we cannot pretend it’s not there, or that schools who have anti-bullying campaigns in their paperwork actually act upon them. Bullying can make or brake a person. So we need to prepare those who are bullied, and stop those who bully, instead of saying “shake hands” or “just ignore the bully”.
So you have a big, but so thankful job ahead and asking this shows how wonderful an SLP you are.
Keep them talking
Anita