People’s Reaction to Stuttering
Hi, my name is Bridget Barcelo and I am a second year SLP graduate student at Stephen F. Austin University. As a future clinician, I want to be aware and knowledgeable about my client’s experiences and day to day interactions so that I can be more supportive and effective in therapy.
How influential/important are people’s reactions when you stutter? Do you notice people react a lot and what are some things you wish people would do less?
Thank you, Bridget, for these interesting questions!
To me, people’s reactions haven’t been as important as they seem to be to many others who stutter. Perhaps I’ve been fortunate, but I have had very few obvious negative reactions to my severe stuttering. My friends, family, relatives, and acquaintances – as well as my fellow students and teachers/professors during my many years of schooling (long ago) – have all been generally really patient with me regarding my speech. People have patiently listened to what I have had to say.
Indeed three years ago, I attended my 50th high school reunion. In a Facebook forum for those attending the reunion, I thanked my former classmates for how well they treated me during all those years (going back, in some cases, to kindergarten!), and how patient and respectful they all were with me. I can truthfully say that I don’t remember one single negative reaction to my severe stuttering from my elementary school classmates. (From what I have heard and read from many others who stutter, my experience was probably unusual.)
The reaction to this open letter to my former classmates was very touching. People told me that I shouldn’t thank them; they told me they wanted to thank ME for the kind of person I was (and am).
I learned long ago that decent people don’t really care about how something is being said, but only about WHAT is beihg said.
The ideal reaction to me regarding stuttering is no reaction at all. I’m happy if people patiently listen to what I have to say, and react to the content of what I’m saying, rather than how I am saying it. And indeed, that’s what I experience almost all the time.
Hi Bridget!
When I was younger, I found how people reacted to my stutter to be very influential. I have had mostly positive reactions of people being very patient, but I have also had people be very impatient with me and it has had an impact. It makes you try to avoid stuttering, especially when dealing with people like that and it ends up making you stutter more. I have also had many people who were not sure how to react to my stutter as I have hard blocks and secondary movements. Again, when I was younger this had a big impact on me but after putting myself outside of my comfort zone many times, I have become desensitized to the reactions of others. I have seen the way I stutter and that had an impact on me as well, but it also helped me to realize why people would react the way they do. I have become very realistic and honest with myself when it comes to my stutter and have learned to not take things personally. I understand that it can catch people off guard.
Something that I have learned over the years that has really helped me with this is realizing that I cannot control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.
Thank you for your question, Bridget.
I have replied extensively to similar questions from other students in this section, so please have a look for my view on what can be helpful (and what not) in therapy. But I cannot speak for others, so my short advice is: listen (as they all bring things to the table besides stuttering) and ask questions, as we’re all individuals and have different wants, needs and goals.
To answer your second question: As I’m raised with stuttering being so bad, it should be cured or hidden, I’ve learned to read body language. So I react to (what I perceive as) the slightest discomfort of the listener. Before, that meant trying not to stutter, using a different word, or simply shut up. Today it means that I notice it and just keep on talking. If people interrupt me and i want to keep on talking, I tell them I’m not done talking yet, keep saying what I wanted to say, try to get back into the conversation, sometimes even raise my hand to make them aware I’m there too :-), or simply walk away.
But it’s still a trigger, as I still have that little voice in my head saying “they don’t want to listen to you stuttering”. But I know that must people who don’t just simply wait me out, don’t know what to do, look away, look at their watch, fill in, tell me to take a deep breath or themselves taking a deep breath to show me what to do, etc. So I try to wear funny buttons about stuttering (f ex one that’s my own quote: “Sure I stutter, what are you good at?”) as it shows I just stutter and that it’s ok to talk about it. So, in short, I want people to just interact with me as they do with other people and just wait me out, or ask. As I’m an individual, and what might work for me might not work for others.
I also gave some advice in my paper in this conference, so feel free to have a read. 🙂
Keep them talking
Anita