About the Author: Hanan Hurwitz is a proud person who stutters, and former Chair and Executive Director of AMBI, the Israeli Stuttering Association. He lectures extensively on stuttering and is determined to help everyone understand stuttering in order to get past the limitations that the pervasive stigma about stuttering imposes on society in general and on people who stutter and their families in particular. He has been instrumental in arranging conferences on stuttering and was part of the team that curates the annual International Stuttering Awareness Day online conference. Hanan is the author of the book “Stuttering: From Shame and Anxiety to Confident Authenticity”. Professionally, Hanan is an electronics engineer by training. Since 2019 he has been working as an independent Quality and Regulatory Management Consultant. His primary interests are learning Buddhist and Stoic philosophy, Blues guitar music, reading, and of course, stuttering.

Background

It was only when I was 47 years old, in 2010, that I started to investigate my stuttering in the light of acceptance as opposed in the light of something that had to be fixed. Since then, I have been, and continue to be, on a journey of discovery, of learning. This process has led me to teachings and philosophies that are applicable far beyond the experience of stuttering, and are helpful in learning to live, to experience well-being. I describe some of them in this paper, and invite comments, discussion, and insights from your own experiences.

Challenges, in Brief

My experiences with stuttering are by no means unique. From other people I experienced some mockery, impatience, abandonment, and rejection. I have heard other people relate their experiences, and I know how very fortunate I am to have experienced relatively mild public stigma, apart from the one time where I was told, in a job interview, that no one would ever hire me because I stutter.

The self-stigma that developed was, in contrast, much more challenging and limiting. My experiences from self-stigma include development of negative beliefs and unhelpful emotions, social anxiety, and a deep sense of shame and inferiority.

The internal challenges were certainly amplified by harmful fluency-focused speech therapy, most notably the 3-week intensive fluency shaping course that I did in 1991.

Some of the Life-Skills that I Gained from Stuttering

Looking back over the past 15 years of investigation, I can easily identify, with gratitude, many life skills that I have gained from stuttering. There is always the theoretical question of whether I would have gained these skills if I did not stutter, but there is no way to answer that question reliably. I am happy and comfortable to view these experiences and skills as gains from stuttering, since they came about directly in response to my investigation of my stuttering and of stuttering in general. Below I have described a few of those things that I have gained from stuttering.

Meditation

I discovered meditation some years before the start of my transformative journey in 2010. I attended a workshop on Silva Mind Control, now called The Silva Method. The way I learned meditation then was as type of body scan meditation. We were taught to scan our bodies, head to toe, paying attention to each part and releasing any tension that we noticed.

However, it was only once I started to learn about stuttering that I learned more about meditation. As with many people who stutter, I had become almost perpetually tense as a result of years of struggle to avoid stuttering. The tension was so ingrained that from some point any attempts to speak resulted in what may be called severe stuttering, as I struggled on every word. With meditation I was able to become aware of where I carried tension, and to release it.

Meditation trains me to be aware of thoughts and feelings that arise, and to practice letting them be. Being aware of bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings as they arise is the first step in dealing with them constructively. This, for me, is a critical life skill, whose benefits go far beyond dealing with the experience of stuttering alone.

Mindfulness and Non-Judgement

Jon Kabat-Zinn described mindfulness as “moment to moment non-judgemental awareness”. Mindfulness enables me to add the crucial aspect of “non-judgement” to the awareness of bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings that I learned through meditation. Non-judgment enables acceptance of what I am experiencing, simply allowing the experience to be.

With mindfulness, I observe my stuttering with curiosity instead of with judgement, and this changes everything for me. Stuttering might be challenging at times, but it is not bad or wrong. It simply is. Taking judgement out of the discussion with myself about stuttering enables me to put my attention on how I want to live my life, instead of adjusting and limiting my life due to the belief that stuttering is bad.

The broader issue here is that mindfulness is not a technique but a way of living. It is awareness of and receptiveness to the thoughts and the events that accompany our lives, and from awareness and non-judgment being able to investigate what is really going on and to choose in each moment how we want to live our lives. It is a way of being. This way of being supports my quality of life far beyond the single aspect of stuttering. It applies to all the ways I experience life, and facilitates a multitude of healthy attitudes to life, including compassion, kindness, resilience, and self-acceptance.

Understanding Stigma, and Self-Stigma

In society in general there are many imaginary problems that, when we believe them, cause untold suffering. One of those types of problems is stigma, whereby we judge others based on some characteristic of theirs that we find uncomfortable or undesirable. Stuttering is one of those human characteristics that are stigmatized. When faced with public stigma we might believe that we are somehow inferior to others due to our difference. Thus, we accept the public stigma, internalize the message, and we have self-stigma. 

Understanding stigma and self-stigma is a gift, as it enables me to realise that stigma is the true problem, and not stuttering. It enables me to look beyond stuttering and to view the wide range of natural human diversity with curiosity instead of with fear and judgement. I am thus better equipped to interact with other people.

Understanding Shame and Vulnerability

Shame can be thought of as an intense belief in being defective in some way that we believe is unacceptable to society and perhaps to ourselves as well. The perceived defect is something that is either irreparable by its nature or irreparable due to the obstacles to repairing it that we believe we cannot overcome.

Shame seems to be a common experience among PWS, and even among parents of children who stutter. Shame is often toxic, since we are ashamed to speak about that which we are ashamed about.

At various conferences on stuttering, I learned about the concept of shame. Letting shame out, speaking about it, is liberating. Here, too, beyond the specific experience of shame in the context of stuttering, understanding shame as a human emotion, and being able to speak about it, frees us from the constraints of shame. In pursuing a greater understanding of shame, I found the writings of Brené Brown invaluable.

We all feel shame. I suggest, however, that in the vast majority of cases there really is no need for us to feel shame. Crucial to letting go of shame is letting go of the need for approval from others. While I am still very much a work in progress in this regard, I am much more at peace with myself, irrespective of stuttering, having studied the topic of shame. Understanding shame, working with it, and releasing it, is truly a gift that I came across directly due to my stuttering.

Acceptance as the Foundation for Growth

The concept of acceptance is fairly well known in the world of stuttering. Sadly, however, “acceptance” is interpreted by some as “doing nothing”, but this is certainly not the case. Acceptance is an activity, it requires action, and most certainly does not imply resignation. Acceptance is the foundation for growth and of thriving. Carl Rogers wrote that one of the understandings that he had arrived at as a therapist is that “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” 

Accepting my stuttering enabled me to learn more about it, and primarily to differentiate between stuttering on the one hand and the struggle with stuttering on the other hand. Accepting my stuttering enables me to be mindful of what is happening in the moment of stuttering and to then choose how I want to relate to what is happening. I identify and differentiate between my stuttering and my struggle to avoid stuttering. The struggle to avoid stuttering is where I suffered.

Acceptance is a core principle in mindfulness and enables the non-judgemental observation of experience that is so crucial to well-being. An attitude of acceptance reminds us that for the vast majority of our experiences we have no rational option but to accept things as they are, for the simple reason that that ARE, they have occurred, and so resisting them and wishing things were different is futile. Of course, we can act to mitigate harmful events, and we can act change existing harmful situations to beneficial states. Acceptance allows us to see that this is how things are, in the present moment, and then we don’t waste energy wishing the past away, but rather we apply our energy to change, to improvement, or to action that is within our control. Learning to accept “what is” has therefore been another gift from stuttering.

Identifying Values, and Values-Guided Action

Via stuttering, I was introduced to the world of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and to the teaching of Russ Harris. ACT is based on principles of mindfulness. Upon the foundation of mindfulness, we open up to learn about our values.

As I have written elsewhere, a value can be thought of as a chosen guide to living. It is not an action, but it is the attitude behind the action. Values embody the meaning of life that we define for ourselves. For example, values might be “treating people kindly” or “being mindful” Our values guide our daily actions; they guide the way we live. It is therefore important that we define them, and that we define them well. If we do not have defined values, then we risk moving through life at the whim of other forces. If we define our values poorly then we will not be content or peaceful in our life as we will be constantly aware that something is missing and we might try to fill that gap with unhelpful behaviours.

The “commitment” part of ACT refers to committing ourselves to living according to our values, to do our best so that every action we take is one that is guided by our values. We thereby live with purpose, which is key to well-being.

Join the Stuttering Community, See the World, Meet Wondrous People, and Organize Events on Stuttering

Because of my stuttering I have travelled to many places in the world to attend conferences on stuttering. Because I invested in myself and travelled to those events, I met wondrous people, and I am forever grateful for that.

Having met people who were already engaged in supporting the community of people who stutter and those interested in stuttering, I found myself, about 6 years into my journey, joining them. Together we have organized many events, including international conferences on stuttering, furthering our understanding of stuttering and extending our welcome, our embrace, to more people who stutter and to their families.

There are Two Handles to Every Event

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus taught that “Every circumstance comes with two handles, with one of which you can hold it, while with the other conditions are insupportable.”

Consider stuttering: we choose to see as a defect or as a difference. We choose by which “handle” to hold it.

When I reflect on what I have written, I am amazed by what I have gained from stuttering, from the very thing that I lived in misery about for so many years. I just needed to look at stuttering in a different way. I am very grateful to those who helped me see this.

A Partial List of References

• On Mindfulness: Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn, and Mindfulness and Stuttering by Ellen-Marie Silverman
• On Stigma: Stammering Pride and Prejudice by Campbell. Constantino, and Simpson, and 
• On Self-Stigma: Self-stigma and its associations with stress, physical health, and health care satisfaction in adults who stutter; Michael P. Boyle and Alison N. Fearon; Journal of Fluency Disorders 56 (2018) 112–121
• On Shame and Vulnerability: The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
• On Values-Guided Living: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
• On Perception of Events: The Enchiridion by Epictetus