Why Do You Look At Me Like That – Anita Blom

Anita BlomAbout the Author:

Anita Blom, born and raised in the Netherlands, is living in Sweden. She worked as an operation manager for the Workers’ Educational Association. She has been a board member, incl chairperson, of stuttering organisations on local, national, European and international level, and an advisory board member of several international stuttering organisations.  She was a national and international keynote speaker on stuttering, had her own stuttering consultant company, was one of the Stutter Social hosts, was a project leader of several stuttering projects, and twice Member of the Year. She is an award-winning stuttering activist, acknowledged by Voice Unearthed on the Wall Of Inspiration, Stamma, and many others, nationally and internationally. She was also a leader of national and international camps for children and for young adults who stutter for 30 years. 

Anita, aka Scatsis, has stuttered since she was 9 and had a troublesome youth because of her stuttering. She went from being silent, to giving stuttering a voice, from pre-school children to the European Parliament, now inspiring people who stutter of all ages, they can make a difference. Do check out her previous papers to the ISAD online conferences.

Due to health issues she now has to take it slow, but is still an inspiration to many, especially young people who stutter and those with ME/cfs. Her device, that’s now been used all over the world is “Sure I stutter. What are you good at?”.

This is a poem I wrote a while ago. It shows the different stages of my emotional journey with my stutter. If I wouldn’t have stuttered, maybe my love for reading and writing, and even music, wouldn’t have developed. As my creativity was my outlet when I couldn’t utter the spoken words. And still is. This poem is dedicated to all people who believed in me.

 

Why do you look at me like that?

Why do you look at me like that?
 Have you never seen me so sad before?
 I really want to talk
 Joke and jest
 Tell you what I think and feel
 Give a quick retort
 Explain things
 Tell you what you mean to me
 Tell you why I am sad
 But the words, they just get stuck.

Why do you look at me like that?
 Have you never seen me so angry before?
 People talk past me
 People laugh
 People interrupt and fill in
 People don’t believe me
 I can, but I can’t show it
 Don’t get the chance
 I can’t even scold them
 Because the words, they just get stuck.

Why do you look at me like that?
 Have you never seen me so happy before?
 I laugh and dance
 I talk and joke
 I don’t care
 I have made a new friend
 I like my job
 My husband loves me
 My daughter got praised at school
 And the words, they just flow.

Why do you look at me like that?
 Have you never seen me so strong before?
 Sure, I can talk, just give me time
 Sure, I can work, just let me show it
 Sure, I can joke and jest, just listen
 I feel good
 I know I can
 I know I am enough
 I am proud of who I am
 And the words? Who cares!

© No sharing without consent and mentioning the author

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Comments

Why Do You Look At Me Like That – Anita Blom — 18 Comments

  1. Dear visitors. Thank you for visiting my presentation. I hope it will give food for thought. Feel free to ask me any questions, comment to my poem, or even say Hi. You might also be interested in my other presentation in this conference, and also presentations and comments in previous ISAD online conferences. Welcome, enjoy the conference and keep (them) talking!

  2. Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much for sharing your poem with us. I can really feel the emotional journey as we move through the words of the poem. It’s very powerful! I think the poem may resonate with many people who I work with and I’d love to be able to share it with them. I’ll be in touch to ask you, Nic

    • Dear Nic

      Thank you for your kind words. Yes, it’s been a journey, but every challenge I’ve had has made me stronger. And I’m so happy to pay it forward, as life with a stutter is a roller coaster ride. It has ups and downs, it has fears and joys, but when getting back to the platform you can look back and say “I did it!”. So feel free to share my poem, just mention the source. 🙂

      Keep (them) talking

      Anita

  3. Dear Anita,

    Your poem is so well-structured, and it precisely communicated the uneasy feeling and your sense of pride when people give us strange looks (and other impolite responses) to our stutters. In times of blocks, we may just “let it be” or let the words “blowing in the wind”.

    Cheers,
    Catherine

    • Thank you for your comment, Catherine. Yes, we’re on a constant roller coaster, with moments that scare is, upset us, but also moments of pride and joy. Sometimes I wish my stutter would evaporate when it’s one of those days when words get stuck all the time which is so frustrating. I no longer feel shame, but some days are like running with your shoelaces tied together. But than there are days where stuttering just IS. Where people get it, where I stutter with confidence and with a body that’s relaxed. And I guess we don’t own those mixed emotions, as everyone has “shoelaces” of any kind. 😉

      Keep talking and happy ISAD
      Anita

  4. Hi Anita,

    I am thankful for your emotions and awareness you bring to others about a person who stutter’s thoughts. I can feel your frustration feelings melt into pride and confidence through the words. I enjoyed reading this presentation of a person who stutter’s feelings. When you mentioned your desire to tell jokes or quick retorts, it really made me reflect. As someone who does not stutter, I hadn’t considered how everyday interactions like humor could be affected. Your perspective helped me understand this in a new way. Thank you.

    • Thank you for your kind words and insight. I’ve met many people, at school, at work, in my social life, even within the disability sector, who don’t understand what we “fuss about”, as stuttering isn’t a problem, right, we just repeat some words. I try to explain by asking them how they would feel when sitting in a classroom, stuttering, and have pupils laugh at you, or getting a low grade simply because you stutter. Or meeting new collegues and clients, and not being able to say your name. Being with friends, telling a joke, and before you even get to finish, people lost their attention, or already know what’s coming. Going through a drive-in for a burger, and they keep saying they don’t understand, or give you something you didn’t order. And how about trying to make a phone call and not getting through that answering machine, or your GPS taking you to places you didn’t want to go to. To be a very social, very qualified person, but because of your stutter, you don’t even get the chance to prove your personality or skills.

      So stuttering on itself is frustrating, but it’s society that’s turning it into something way more of a problem, a hindrance, and even making us feel we should be “cured” or hide it, turning a neurological issue into a something shameful, a failure, our fault, where fluency is the only acceptable norm. If people could just have a little more patience, we could simply keep calm and stutter on. Or as I always say “Sure I stutter. What are you good at?” 😉

      Keep them talking and happy ISAD
      Anita

  6. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and powerful poem. I like how the ending is empowering and shows growth and acceptance.

    • Thank you so much, Vincent. Stuttering is an ongoing wave of emotions, so the ending isn’t just the ending, as all emotions can still pop up every now and then, but to keep reminding oneself saying So what? is where the strength lies. 🙂

      Happy ISAD and keep them talking

      Anita

  7. Your writing is so beautiful and when I read it, I read it in my mind in your beautiful voice. I am so thankful that you shared these words with the world. I think the ending really drives home the idea of that you CAN (versus the you can’t)- and the “I know I can” and “I know I am enough” is really amazing to read- and also validates that people may feel like they can’t or aren’t enough but deep down they know they are and can. Love and hugs- and I would also love to share this with others with you being credited!
    Take Care,
    Steff

    • Thank you so much, Steff. It shows the rollercoaster that can vary, still, depending om people, situations, etc, but whether I can or can’t, knowing I’m good enough is where our strengths are.

      Feel free to share my poem (with a credit), as I hope others one day will say “Who cares”. 🙂

      Keep them talking, girlfriend <3

      Anita

  8. Dear Anita

    Thank you for sharing this poem. It is so valuable to read about the different stages in our journey, to understand a wider view of our experience of stuttering over our lifetimes.

    Thank you for the tremendous part that you have played in my journey, my survival.

    Hanan

    • Thank you for your warm words, Hanan.

      Stuttering is a journey. Sometimes frustrating, meeting mountains and deserts, sometimes we meet rivers and trees to find comfort and refreshness. In fact, our journey, our emotions, aren’t that different from other people, as they have their own journeys. But when we surround us with people who understand, and who join us on our journey, sharing tears, laughter and wisdom, life is good enough. And so are we.

      Keep sharing <3

      Anita

  9. Thank you for your beautiful poem Anita. You have a way with words and always show your warmth and depth. I too always gravitated towards writing when I thought my voice wasn’t worthy of being heard. Funny isn’t it . . . . how we still write?

    Pam

    • Thank you, Pam. Yes, even if our voices sometimes shake, our words are worth to be shared, whether that’s spoken, written, or expressed in any other way. So keep talking, as what we say is worth repeating. 🙂

  10. Thank you all for visiting my paper, and especially to those who took the time to read, comment, and ask questions.

    If you want to know more about me, have a look at my previous presentations for the ISAD online conferences, or reach out to me at scatsis@gmail.com.

    Sure I stutter. What are you good at? (c) 😉