About the Authors: Ezra Horak is a lifelong (basically) stutterer who lives in the USA. They run the popular platform Stutterology, where their mission is education and advocacy from a stuttering perspective – for SLPs, for parents and guardians, for allies, for strangers… and of course, for fellow people who stutter. They have been involved with various stuttering non-profits for 10 years, and currently serve as co-chair of the board for SPACE: Stuttering, People, Arts, Community, Education. Their interests outside stuttering are limited but mostly include researching family history and hanging out with their cats. Check them out on instagram or facebook at @Stutterology Aidan Sank is the Executive Director and co-Founder of SPACE, a Canadian nonprofit organization creating more SPACE for stuttering in the world. A passionate ally of the stuttering community for nearly 15 years, Aidan is particularly interested in the intersections between stuttering and the arts and is a firm believer in the transformative power of open listening. Being a native of Vancouver, Canada, Aidan is a lover of plants, birds, books and the Pacific Ocean. Visit spacetostutter.org for more. |
“Active listening” has become a buzzword in recent years, often touted as the gold standard for effective communication. Experts and influencers provide checklists: nod your head, maintain eye contact, interject with affirmations like “mhmm.” Follow these steps, they say, and you’ll be recognized as a great listener.
But what if true listening isn’t about checking off a list of behaviors? Have you ever noticed someone performing all these actions yet still failing to grasp the essence of what you’re saying? For people who stutter, this superficial form of listening is all too familiar—the glassy-eyed stares and empty nods that technically meet the criteria of “active listening” but leave us feeling unheard and misunderstood.
It’s past time we move our focus from physical action to inner awareness, from active listening to open listening.
The need for this paradigm shift guided us in the process of developing listening workshops over the past year for our non-profit organization, SPACE. Our goal in any listening moment should be to achieve genuine understanding, which stems from engagement—with both the topic and the person speaking. But how does this relate to stuttering?
The key lies in embracing silence—the spaces between the words.
Many people, stutterers and non-stutterers alike, feel uncomfortable with even brief moments of silence. Yet, silence is invaluable; it allows for reflection, understanding, and deeper connection. In fact, research shows that holding space for silence is essential for meaningful communication.1
Allowing silence shows respect for the speaker’s agency and provides room for their thoughts to unfold naturally. This might require sitting with moments of discomfort or impatience, but with practice, these moments become opportunities for empathy and connection.
When asked, “How can someone best listen to stuttering?” many who stutter respond:
- “Give us time to speak.”
- “Don’t interrupt by guessing the word.”
- “Don’t make us feel rushed.”
- “Focus on what we’re saying rather than how we’re saying it.”
- “Treat us like you do anyone else – just listen.”
You probably notice that these aren’t requests for specific actions, but instead are appeals for awareness and patience during conversation.
Dysfluency can often feel unpredictable. Instead of trying to control or rush to the next word, an open listener embraces this unpredictability, allowing the necessary space and time for the speaker to express themselves fully.
Stuttering is often labeled a “fluency disorder” because it disrupts our expectations of conversational flow with repetitions and pauses. For anyone unaccustomed to silence, these interruptions might provoke impatience. But it’s worth it to sit and wait through these moments, creating more authentic and respectful exchanges which benefit everyone involved.
These techniques we teach—patience, self-awareness, and openness—aren’t just applicable when listening to people who stutter, although they certainly apply to us as well. This practice enhances interactions with any person in our lives; by cultivating these skills, we become better listeners, better friends, better colleagues, better community members.
Ultimately, there’s no special “listener hat” reserved for engaging with stuttering. We’ve all experienced the pain of not feeling heard. The qualities people who stutter seek in listeners mirror what any person wants: space and time to express yourself and to be understood.
The way we listen to stutterers should reflect how we listen to everyone—with openness, patience, and genuine presence. When we move towards open listening, we create environments where every voice is valued and heard.
1 David Robson, “The Science of Having a Great Conversation,” Wired, excerpt from The Laws of Connection: The Scientific Secrets of Building a Strong Social Network, Crown (Penguin Random House), 2024,
https://www.wired.com/story/the-science-of-having-a-great-conversation-research-social-connection/.
I love the change in concept from active listening to open listening. The former infers that the listener is doing some kind of action. Open infers that the listener is ready and willing to receive something. I also like the parallel with Open Stuttering.
Thanks for your comment, Debbie! The parallel actually had not occurred to me until later, although I don’t know if maybe Aidan had already thought about that lol! But wow yes even moreso the more we think about it.
Aidan and Ezra, I appreciate the nuance of “open listening” with patience and genuine presence, for the sake of understanding and connection. Thank you for this reflection!
Thanks Ana Paula! Appreciate you and this comment
Aidan and Ezra,
What a great piece. You’ve nailed it. So many people – PWS or not – are so uncomfortable with silence, that often one will rush to fill that silence, even if the words chosen to fill the silence are nonsensical or irrelevant to the conversation.
People forget that silence is the space required to process and reflect upon what has just been said in order to respond. This may take a few seconds or even a whole minute (omg)and as you note, it’s not just for people who stutter.
Thank you for this great ISAD contribution.
Pam
yesss. Apparently I’m very strange and that when I do job interviews I always pause after they asked me the question to give myself a little moment to. I’ve been told to say “that’s a great question” and think while you say that, but I can’t really do that. So I say “great, let me take a moment to think”
One time a person doing the interview caught up with me afterward to tell me how much she appreciated that I did that and that she had never seen someone do it and all the people she’s interviewed. She said to her, it signaled that I was really taking the time to absorb the question to be able to answer it and not just spout out something pre-prepared.
I was a little more self-conscious after that for a while LOL but I was glad she told me because it made me realize it was beneficial
I really appreciate the concept of “open listening” as outlined in the article, especially since it’s something that resonates with me as a graduate student in speech-language pathology. I’ve learned that silence, though sometimes uncomfortable, is essential. In my recent experiences with clients, creating that “space” is crucial. It allows them to process and respond, and I’ve noticed that when I give them time, I learn more about how they think and communicate.
As a student, I often find myself focused on getting clients to achieve targets and providing cues. But sometimes, they just need space and time to absorb the instructions. This is especially true for my elementary students, who can easily become overwhelmed with too much information. They often benefit more from visuals and the space to process what they’re hearing. This article really emphasizes how listening with openness and patience creates a better environment for both communication and connection.
Love this comment, thanks so much for your thoughts and ways it can apply to the speech therapy room!
I still get overwhelmed with too much information. Like when my friends try to verbally teach me how to play a board game and I end up not intaking almost anything. So then we begin to play instead and practice and patience go such a long way. Feels relatable to what you shared here
Aidan and Ezra, thank you for this article. It really helped me understand how important it is to just focus on what someone wanted to tell me. This way speaker and listener can benefit. Speaker gets the person opportunity to fully express their minds without any interruptions. And for listener it helps to focus on the meaning of the words. At the end of the day, the most important thing is a meaning of the message, not the form, not sound of the words. Everybody wants to communicate without fear that someone may interrupt us. It is simple but often overlooked. There is one sentence that reach out to me especially ’’Stuttering is often labeled a ’fluency disorder’ because it disrupts our expectations of conversational flow with repetitions and pauses. For anyone unaccustomed to silence”. I think it summerise well how people use to call people who stutter, but there is nothing wrong with the person who stutter. There shouldn’t be using a word disorder. The only thing that isn’t right is expectations of how conversation should’ve looked like. As a speech therapy student, it gives me some new perspective to understand stuttering. Thank you so much for sharing your point of view and speaking about this important topic.
Thank you so much for this comment. It makes me really excited to know that speech therapist and graduate students are being exposed to these ideas… because you will come across people who stutter that have never heard the idea that there’s nothing wrong with them. So having this knowledge will go a long way – not to tell them they’re wrong, but to open up the possibilities for them.
Thank you Aidan and Ezra for this excellent essay. I like the term, the space between the words, which to me is about having patience with silence. And patience with ourselves. I am not sure about asking a listener to not make us feel rushed, to me this is a process which occurs over time.
So glad the line resonates!
I definitely agree that it’s not always helpful. It can be hard to create suggestions like this because it varies so much depending on the speaker or the listener or the situation. There are times where the directness of it though can be helpful- for people who stutter and people who don’t.
At work, I once directly told someone, “you keep talking over me and you need to let me finish what I’m saying”. To me, that was another way of saying don’t rush me. I wasn’t even stuttering I don’t think (I can’t remember so it definitely wasn’t the “issue”.) She actually immediately stopped and made space for me, which I was really impressed by! Sometimes people are very charged or excited in the moment and may not be realizing what they’re doing.
Spot on! By active, or open listening, we not only hear the person talking, we also see them, feel them, embrace them. And with a person talking, and pausing, the listener gets the chance to take in the words, ponder over its meaning and find words to reply, not just rushing into saying something, whatever, to break the (milliseconds!) silence. To actively listen is a skill, but to speak, giving the listener time to actually listen, is also a gift. In today’s world that seems to go FF, even when it comes to speaking, a person who takes time to speak, and to listen, is a person I’d gladly spend time with.
Keep talking, and listening
Anita
Thank you Anita ❤️ I so agree