About the Author: |
I was always a good listener. Mostly, I can thank stuttering for that. But, for me that was a blessing and a curse.
A blessing because it helped me find a way to my profession – I practice psychotherapy, so I listen to people’s stories and problems daily. But, most of my life it was a curse.
Today I am much more of a fluent speaker, but when I was younger I often chose to stay silent, especially in a bigger group (meaning more than one person). Because of the enormous shame I would feel when I stuttered, I was always trying really hard to hide my stutter. The best way was not talking at all. So, people would often talk and talk and I would not be able to stop them. Even if I could express myself without stuttering I lost any ability to stand up for myself. Of course, low self- esteem didn’t help. Often my personal boundaries were not respected. It mostly wasn’t other people’s fault, because they didn’t know, since I didn’t tell them.
It took me a long time to figure out what my personal boundaries are. Now I am a much better listener, because I allow myself to distance myself from people who are not listening to me. I have a voice now and I want to be heard.
Hi Vesna,
Thank you for sharing your story so openly. It’s powerful to hear how your experiences with stuttering shaped your path to becoming a therapist and a listener in such a deep way. I can understand how that ability to listen so closely could feel like both a gift and a burden, especially when it came at the cost of your own voice being silenced.
Your journey from staying silent to finding your voice is truly inspiring. It’s a reminder of how much courage it takes not only to speak, but also to set boundaries and claim your space in conversations. I admire how you’ve taken ownership of your voice and your boundaries now, recognizing that they are just as important as the listening you offer to others.
Your growth as both a listener and a speaker is a beautiful example of self-empowerment, and it’s a testament to the strength it takes to reclaim our voices after they’ve been quiet for so long. Thank you for sharing that part of your journey.
Warmly,
Taylor
Hi Taylor,
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment!
It has been an interesting journey finding my own personal space. For me that was one of the most important issues when I started going to therapy myself – how to stand up for myself. Even in such trivial situations like when a friend of mine wants to go for a walk and I don’t fwwl like going, I wasn’t able to say “no”, because I was constantly afraid that I will upset the other person and then that person will be angry with me and finally reject me. Who I was wasn’t good enough, I had to please everybody in order to keep them from rejecting me.
Finding personal boundries meant finding my personal worth and love for myself. I had to accept that I was worthy.
When you do not say what you want to say to the other person, slowly you start to resent that person and you risk loosing him/her. It helped me to become aware of my own responsibility in the relationships. It was not other people’s task to know how I feel, they can not read my mind, I have to say it. Of course, in kind and respecting manner.
My son, when he starting stuttering, was a huge motivation to go into this process, because I wanted to be a good role model for him. I didn’t want him to go through life thinking that other people’s needs are more important then his own.
Thank you once again for reading my paper and for writing these kind words!
Hi Vensa,
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I think it was extremely powerful to hear. I would love to hear about some of the things you do to help preserve your mental health when working with all of your clients. I imagine that it took a lot of time and self healing to get to the point where you could advocate for yourself while helping others and that is an invaluable skill. Thank you again for sharing!
Thank you so much for your comment and question!
For me personal boundries didn’t mean just psysical boundries, but also emotional. I used to be too much involved with other people’s stories and pain. I felt it all like my own. That is very exhausting and I couldn’t work as therapist like that. Nor I could objectively see the situation my client is talking about.
I hope this was helpful!
Thank you so much for your comment and question!
For me personal boundries didn’t mean just psysical boundries, but also emotional. I used to be too much involved with other people’s stories and pain. I felt it all like my own. That is very exhausting and I couldn’t work as therapist like that. Nor I could objectively see the situation my client is talking about.
I hope this was helpful!
Your story is incredibly moving and sheds light on the complexities of being a good listener while struggling to find your own voice. It’s inspiring to hear how you’ve transformed what once felt like a curse into a strength in your profession as a psychotherapist. The journey of reclaiming your voice and learning to assert your boundaries is so powerful, especially when it comes to feeling heard and respected. I would love to know how has this shift impacted your work with clients, particularly in helping them discover and express their own boundaries?
Thank you so much for your kind comment and question!
My journey with stuttering has helped me find my true passion and that is psychotherapy. But first I started my own therapies where I started learning about personal boundries. I didn’t even know that it was ok to say no, that it is ok to respect your own needs. For me before that was egoistic.
So, before I started working with clients I have already defined my boundries.
I think it would be very hard to work with people otherwise.
First of all, it is important for me to be able to emotionally separate myself from the stories of my clients, meaning that I wouldn’t be able to do this job very long, it would cause burnout. But, I am attached to my clients and I am able to understand them and feel a strong empathy for them, I learned that with my stuttering. I love listening to their stories and I feel so proud of them when they make a progress.
The boundries are also important in this profession because I am indirectly teaching my clients what it means to have personal boundries through my actions and reactions. Of course, always thinking of their well being. Always trying not to hurt somebody.
I hope this answers your question!
Hi Vesna,
I’m young speech therapy student and I think that stuttering is a difficult, but also an amazing experience. It takes a lot of efford to accept yourself and I am proud that you did it despite your shame. It’s wonderfull you saw an opportunity in something that was your curse. I’m trying to be a good listener too, and I wanted you to know, that I hear you. You didn’t allowed yourself to live in silence just becouse you speak differently. I wish more people could hear your voice and maybe they would know how to behave in front of person who stutter. Thank you for sharing your story to the world!
I am so touched by your comment! Thank you for that! Thank you for hearing me, I wasn’t being heard for most of my life! I have a strong feeling that you will be an amazing speech therapist with so much empathy and understanding for your clients! Sometimes we just need somebody to listen. I am happy and honored that you reached out to me.
If you need any kind od help, please contact me!
Hi Vesna,
Your story is very inspiring and gives strength. The fact that you help people who stutter is wonderful because you know exactly what they are struggling with and how to help them. It’s good that you mention acceptance, which I think is the most important. I am impressed by your profession and the fact that you are not afraid to speak at conferences in front of many people. I’m a person who doesn’t stutter and I have a problem with it because I’m stressed. I am glad that I was able to learn about your story and thanks to this it gave me the strength and courage to get out of my comfort zone. Thank you for sharing your story around the world!
Hi Ola! Thank you so much for your beautiful comment!
I think that acceptance is extremely important, not just with stuttering. Accepting ourselves as we are means better quality of life. The relationship that we have with ourselves will determine the relationships with other people. If we respect and love ourselves, other will also.
I am so happy if my story inspires you to get out of your comfort zone, outside our comfort zone there are amazing opportunities. I am rooting for you, please do not give up!
So happy you found your voice. I hope you will make others listen as well, as what you’re saying is worth listening to, which this papers proofs.
Thank you very much, Anita for reading my paper! Your comment means a lot to me!
Vesna
Hi Vesna. I am intrigued by your story. Being able to accept the shame they have lived through and fully stand on that to grow and develop their personal story is amazing. Accepting oneself is extremely difficult, and you did just that. AMAZING! Your profession is impressive since you are not afraid to stand to speak at conferences in front of many people. Your story is encouraging. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Skyler! Thank you for your comment! Accepting myself and finding out my personal boundries was a process and it is still not finished. My children are my huge motivation, especially my son who stutters. I want to be a good role model for them. And for my clients, of course.
Have a great day!