About the Author: |
I was always a good listener. Mostly, I can thank stuttering for that. But, for me that was a blessing and a curse.
A blessing because it helped me find a way to my profession – I practice psychotherapy, so I listen to people’s stories and problems daily. But, most of my life it was a curse.
Today I am much more of a fluent speaker, but when I was younger I often chose to stay silent, especially in a bigger group (meaning more than one person). Because of the enormous shame I would feel when I stuttered, I was always trying really hard to hide my stutter. The best way was not talking at all. So, people would often talk and talk and I would not be able to stop them. Even if I could express myself without stuttering I lost any ability to stand up for myself. Of course, low self- esteem didn’t help. Often my personal boundaries were not respected. It mostly wasn’t other people’s fault, because they didn’t know, since I didn’t tell them.
It took me a long time to figure out what my personal boundaries are. Now I am a much better listener, because I allow myself to distance myself from people who are not listening to me. I have a voice now and I want to be heard.
Hi Vesna,
Thank you for sharing your story so openly. It’s powerful to hear how your experiences with stuttering shaped your path to becoming a therapist and a listener in such a deep way. I can understand how that ability to listen so closely could feel like both a gift and a burden, especially when it came at the cost of your own voice being silenced.
Your journey from staying silent to finding your voice is truly inspiring. It’s a reminder of how much courage it takes not only to speak, but also to set boundaries and claim your space in conversations. I admire how you’ve taken ownership of your voice and your boundaries now, recognizing that they are just as important as the listening you offer to others.
Your growth as both a listener and a speaker is a beautiful example of self-empowerment, and it’s a testament to the strength it takes to reclaim our voices after they’ve been quiet for so long. Thank you for sharing that part of your journey.
Warmly,
Taylor
Hi Taylor,
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment!
It has been an interesting journey finding my own personal space. For me that was one of the most important issues when I started going to therapy myself – how to stand up for myself. Even in such trivial situations like when a friend of mine wants to go for a walk and I don’t fwwl like going, I wasn’t able to say “no”, because I was constantly afraid that I will upset the other person and then that person will be angry with me and finally reject me. Who I was wasn’t good enough, I had to please everybody in order to keep them from rejecting me.
Finding personal boundries meant finding my personal worth and love for myself. I had to accept that I was worthy.
When you do not say what you want to say to the other person, slowly you start to resent that person and you risk loosing him/her. It helped me to become aware of my own responsibility in the relationships. It was not other people’s task to know how I feel, they can not read my mind, I have to say it. Of course, in kind and respecting manner.
My son, when he starting stuttering, was a huge motivation to go into this process, because I wanted to be a good role model for him. I didn’t want him to go through life thinking that other people’s needs are more important then his own.
Thank you once again for reading my paper and for writing these kind words!
Hi Vensa,
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I think it was extremely powerful to hear. I would love to hear about some of the things you do to help preserve your mental health when working with all of your clients. I imagine that it took a lot of time and self healing to get to the point where you could advocate for yourself while helping others and that is an invaluable skill. Thank you again for sharing!
Thank you so much for your comment and question!
For me personal boundries didn’t mean just psysical boundries, but also emotional. I used to be too much involved with other people’s stories and pain. I felt it all like my own. That is very exhausting and I couldn’t work as therapist like that. Nor I could objectively see the situation my client is talking about.
I hope this was helpful!
Thank you so much for your comment and question!
For me personal boundries didn’t mean just psysical boundries, but also emotional. I used to be too much involved with other people’s stories and pain. I felt it all like my own. That is very exhausting and I couldn’t work as therapist like that. Nor I could objectively see the situation my client is talking about.
I hope this was helpful!