 About the Author:
I’m Bercel Lakatos, university student, 20 years old, from Hungary. I’m starting my second year of International Relations, studying in Budapest. I’ve stuttered since the age of two, but somehow, I hadn’t met any other people who stuttered up until half a year ago. Then the world opened up to me in a sense that now I know around a hundred people who stutter. I’d like society to become more aware of stuttering. I’d like a future in which one doesn’t have to explain what stuttering is as it has become a familiar phenomenon to everyone. In my profession I’d like to represent stuttering and deprive it from negative stigma, by working with international associations. In my free-time I run, go hiking, do folk dance or read books, both fiction and non-fiction. I’m also keen on playing music and singing. |
In this video, I describe how people who stutter can help teach the world to listen by encouraging people to show respect and patience to anyone you are listening to.
If anything comes up, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts 🙂
Bercel, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you discuss your experience with stuttering and your hopes for the future of the world in terms of having a better understanding of what stuttering is and how to respectfully respond to someone who stutters. I could not agree more that patience is key. The world so quickly forgets, with its rushed tendencies, that the things in life that are truly worthwhile come from waiting patiently. Your discussion about your experience with the stuttering youth exchange was moving. The way you and the group members understood each other and the mutual desire to be heard and accepted depicted a connection that should be experienced with all individuals, worldwide. Because, at the end of the day, this is all that any individual hopes for. To be heard and accepted. I believe that people who stutter have something very special to teach the world, and patience is just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks again for sharing!
Hi Carol, I was happy to share that. Sometimes it’s just incomprehensible for me why people rush all the time and stuck on little things like stuttering, even though I tend to do the same. But if we think about it thoroughly, why would fluent speech equal efficient speech? Thanks for your words, cheers.
Hey Bercel, I enjoyed your video. “Everyone has the right to express themselves” you said, no matter how they talk. I agree 100%. It was really interesting and heartening to hear about how the youth exchange affected you, when we’re in an environment where that expression comes without the barriers and expectations of the outside world. With time I hope that the youth exchange world and the outside world won’t be so different in the future. Thank you again for sharing 🙂
Hi Gina, thanks for your comment. That youth exchange was indeed life-changing for me, especially in terms of acceptance of stuttering, previously I was worried to meet other people who stuttered, not wanting to confront myself.
Our mission as the stuttering community is to explain to the outside world what stuttering really is, helping people become more patient towards that minority as it has already happened with many minorities in the past, now it’s time for people who stutter. Of course, people who don’t stutter will not ever fully comprehend how stuttering feels like, so the setting of that youth exchange is not entirely replicable in the outside world, I can ascertain. Although similar levels of active listening are within reach, I believe.
Hello Bercel! I am a second year graduate student in speech language pathology and I am currently exploring fluency and hearing from people who stutter is such an insightful experience. I appreciate your perspective and your overall goal of representing stuttering and working to reduce its stigma. It is so amazing that you were able to connect with a supportive community and meet others who stutter. I am curious how you think SLPs can better support people who stutter and how therapists can foster a comfortable atmosphere for clients? I also wonder if there are specific cultural considerations you feel are important for SLPs to be aware of when providing support for individuals who stutter in different countries? Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your insight!
Hello Caitlin, thanks for your kind comment. I have already been to four speech therapists throughout my life and had friends telling me stories about their experiences with therapy. To be honest, I would be concentrating on the needs of the client instead of sticking to a pre-set agenda. Some PWS seek therapy to get rid of stuttering or sometimes to better control it, making it invisible. I think one should respect their goals on that and try to support them. Although, as I see it, stuttering cannot be eliminated from one’s life. It can be set hidden by using certain techniques but at the end of the day one will always feel that unique feeling which comes with stuttering, no matter what.
On the other hand, some people try to reach SLPs as a means to get more confident in their speech, but not with the specific intention of becoming a fluent speaker. Personally, if I sought therapy now, the latter would be my approach as a client. All in all, if I were you in the future, I would ask my clients what their intentions are, not forcing anyting on them.
When it comes to cultural differences in terms of stuttering, it’s hard to generalize. I have not had that much experience in international settings with PWS that I can give a verdict on this. One thing that can be said is that people from countries of Eastern Europe tend to be less knowledgeable about stuttering, and a slightly higher level of stigma might exist there. In these countries SLPs still focus more on fluency-shaping rather than acceptance and confidence, especially the older generations. I hope this helps!
I listened to a podcast which discussed radical empathy. This was a new concept to me. As a future SLP, I got the impression that this is an idea unique to the stuttering community. Nonetheless, it was the first example I had really heard about holding space for each PWS’ lived experiences and having those be validated/understood as similar, yet incredibly different. Are there any other concepts or ideas to immerse myself in as a clinician who wants to affirm stuttering and validate those experiences? If so, I would love to hear more!
Hi, thanks for reaching me. I have no knowledge on what radical empathy truly is, though I think that being radically empathetic with PWS could be a bit counterproductive. I mean that many PWS are keen on being natural in a conversation as possible, as I see it. Needless to say, empathy is indeed important when it comes to dealing with stuttering, but by showing as listener that you are very empathetic can seem as paternalistic. Of course, I understand one’s intentions when they meet PWS and seek to help them. The key I think is communication, asking the client how they feel about their stuttering.
Talking about other ideas, I think that open stuttering is one of the best on the market. I suppose you have already heard about the concept that PWS should be assertive and show their stuttering in public, sometimes even voluntarily, to become more confident with the feeling of stuttering. Here the key is to reduce stigma and to show people during the first encounter your true self, who stutters. As a future SLP, I think, you could encourage your clients to initiate conversations while stuttering deliberately. That is what has come to my mind at the moment, tell me if you need any further clarification.
Teaching others to listen with empathy is a valuable skill for anyone to learn. Are there strategies or ways you have taught others to listen with empathy that you have found to be more successful than others you have tried?
Hi! Good question, it makes me think. Based on my experiences, being as natural as possible in a conversation has helped me.
On crucial point is that I am not expecting my partner that they are going to be perfect in their listening. Everyone gets tired or disinterested. Sometimes people seem annoyed not due to my stuttering but because where are not on the same page. Maybe they could not follow what I was saying. Maybe they just need to go to the restroom and have priorities. When I see that my partner is not following me, I stop talking after a certain time and observe. A dialogue needs two participants, not one. Nonotheless, it might be that we are not for each other. When we fail to understand each other, it is usually not either partners’ “fault” but the situation does not work out.
On the other hand, one has to learn to be assertive. Keeping an eye contact with your partner is a means to conveying the message that you really mean what you are saying. More specifically, when it comes to stuttering, oftentimes the lack of information causes the problem. People who would like to help PWS tend to fill in one’s words or avoid eye contact, believing that it could put PWS in an uncomfortable situation. After having known someone for some time, usually a few hours or a few acquaintances I tell them I would like them to wait patiently for what I am going to say, nothing else truly helps me. Moreover, there are instances, when people interrupt me or talk over me. Then I think what I was going to say. In big parties or classrooms where there is usually a cacophony this is indeed a hard thing and requires determination but is worth it. I am happy to add things to the list if you are further interested.
When having a client who stuttered, this was something I learned fairly quickly. I feel like I have not always been a great empathetic listener, but when working with this individual I realized just how important that skill is and how much of an impact it makes in the relationship between SLP and client. When someone is able to empathetically listen, a relationship is more likely to blossom as the PWS trusts and sees the care from the clinician.
Hello! That’s indeed an important realization that listening is crucial. I have already met SLPs who seem very competent in their own field but would fill in my words when I stuttered. I hope that more and more professionals will come the very same realization as you.
Hi Bercel
Your video made me smile with joy, as you’re so spot on. The speed of talking today is so fast, people no longer have time to reflect. When we stutter, people will have to slow down (at least if they are willing to listen to the great things that we’re saying 😉 ) . I was told at a meeting that, when I raised my hand and started talking, people “woke up”, as they had to concentrate to really listen. Also interpreters liked it when I spoke, as they could translate every single word I said. Stuttering might be a nuisance, it sure makes people listen. Especially to people who have something important, or funny to say. Like you, my friend. So proud of your journey and so happy our paths crossed.
Keep talking, and singing karaoke 😉
Anita
Hello Anita,
thanks for your words. Waking up the people in a meeting is truly a powerful tool, can be used deliberately, giving the meeting a special taste. As PWS, I think we have all got that compliment in our lives that how inspiring we were to speak up in a situation despite our stuttering. We do have a condition which attracts attention. The point is to realize: this attention can be used to achieve great things.
See you soon,
Bercel
Hi Bercel! I had never thought about how society interrupts each other “with ease” and we are all competing for our thoughts to be heard. This resonates with me because I think I tend to interrupt with ease regularly. I think I do this because I am often interrupted while I’m speaking. You explain that if we all are respectful and don’t interrupt then we won’t feel the need to compete because we will get our turn. Your message is very powerful, and I thank you for sharing your insight that gives me the opportunity to take a different approach while communicating with others. Wishing you all the best!
Hi Davida! I also tend to interrupt people, especially when I’m excited. In the media, especially during debates, it’s mainstream to interrupt one another, because who is more convincing than who can talk over the others? I hope this is about to change, it’s on us.