 About the Author:Benita D’Souza, 24, a full time stammerer, having stammered the majority of my life. I work as a social worker with children and families in the UK. |
Hello Everyone! My name is Benita D’Souza. I’m 24 and originally from India, and I have been living in the United Kingdom for the last 3 years. I have struggled with a stutter for the majority of my life. I’ve definitely inherited this beautiful gene from my family because both of my parents stutter, and I have close relatives who stutter too. Throughout my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood, I felt that my stutter prevented me from fitting in and allowing me to be my authentic self.
Unhealthy early childhood experiences at school, at home, and in society, all related to stuttering, undoubtedly laid the foundation for these core beliefs. I remember how teachers in my school would deliberately choose me to read out a chapter of a book in front of everyone, even though they knew how hard that was for me. Naturally, I would encounter difficulties in such situations, leading to laughter from other students. Instead of making reasonable adjustments for me, my teachers ridiculed me in front of the class, and I felt embarrassed. It was challenging for me to make friends, and even though I often knew the answers in class, I held back and did not raise my hand to avoid further shame and misunderstandings.
Even nowadays and in the UK, stuttering is still often seen as a barrier to communication because the speech is dysfluent and consists of never-ending involuntary blocks, repetitions, prolongations, body movements, etc.
Four years ago, I began my journey to becoming a qualified social worker, and one of my social work professors in India was one of the first people to empathize with me and help me reshape how I view my stammer. After all those years during which I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me, I felt relieved and encouraged, and I began questioning my core beliefs and tried to view my stutter with a smile rather than a frown.
Below are my thoughts that helped me in the last few years to view my stammer as an enrichment to my life rather than a flaw, challenging the beliefs I had grown up with.
What if I saw stuttering as normal rather than abnormal? Could I perhaps view my stuttering as a kind opportunity to transform the way society listens and connects with me? Expecting the listener to stay mindful, calm, and compassionate is crucial in our struggle to express ourselves at our own pace and complete our statements. It is a two-way process.
As a PWS, to be truly heard and listened to is definitely an empowering experience. It acknowledges the value and worth of the blocks, repetitions, prolongations, and words that come out of one’s mouth. We live in a society that’s fast-paced and believes that being fluent is the only way to speak or sound. Maybe we can make an effort to broaden our wisdom and knowledge, and understand that someone who stutters can teach us patience and empathy. It challenges us to slow down and tune into the message rather than getting stuck into how it’s delivered.
Listening also has the power to change the narrative around stuttering. Instead of seeing it as a flaw or abnormality, we can start to see it as a unique way of speaking that carries its own rhythm, grace, and courage. When we offer a kind space and time to someone who stutters, we are not just hearing their words; we are honouring their courage, effort, and humanity. Saying my first name frequently presents a struggle, a common experience among people with stutter, and leaves us vulnerable in social situations. I recall instances where the individual I came across showed patience and kindness, fostering a sense of respect and understanding in me.
For people with a stutter, knowing that they are being heard and listened to without judgement is incredibly reassuring that it’s okay to stutter. It offers a space for us to be our authentic selves, express ourselves efficiently, and be free from the pressure to conform to the world of fluency. This helps build confidence, reduce anxiety, and foster genuine connections.
Therefore, the next time you engage in a conversation with an individual with a stutter, endeavour to recall the significance of active listening. Allow them to speak at their own pace; listen with your eyes and heart rather than just your ears. As a result, you will realize the profound impact that genuine listening has on both the speaker and yourself.
My journey with my stutter turned out to be a life-changing discovery and an unforeseen realization after viewing my stutter from a lens of active listening.
Benita, Thank you for sharing your experience with stuttering! Your story is very moving and I think a lot of people with stuttering can relate to your experience. People often feel the need to finish sentences or fill in the words for people who stutter instead of giving them time to say what they wish to express. Also, remarks like “relax” and “slow down” are not constructive and can discourage the individual from participating in conversation. I think most people do not mean to come off as negative as they might not be aware of the effect their words and actions have when they interact with people who stutter. So, it is important to be patient, like you mentioned, and give them the power to use express their thoughts.
Thank again you for sharing!
Thank you Niki Patel for taking the time to go through my expression and I’m also glad that you found it motivating. I think it is very important for the society to start thinking about active listening from the lens of viewing stuttering positively.
Thanks again 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story, Benita! Really appreciated your insight…“When we offer a kind space and time to someone who stutters, we are not just hearing their words; we are honouring their courage, effort, and humanity…”
Thank you Ana Paula Mumy for taking time to go through my expression. I agree with you and also beleive that it is the need of the hour for society to start being aware, that offering space and time for PWS can make a revolutionary impact on listeners and receivers end.
Thanks again 🙂
Hi Benita, Thank you so much for sharing your experiences that shaped you. I wish the educational systems would be more aware and inclusive of people that stutter. I’m so sorry for what your teachers put you through. Teachers have an obligation to provide a positive learning environment where all learners can thrive and should be taken seriously.
I love how you describe the communication exchange as a two-way process, where the listener is patient and calm and speaker can communicate at their own pace, well said! I think this truly symbolizes the power of listening at its best when listeners provide speakers with the opportunity to speak at their pace. To add to what you beautifully described, it does takes courage to speak in a world that has not yet adapted to all speakers. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
Thank you Yohana Angulo for reading my expression. I am glad my article helped you with new insights regarding active listening.
Thank you again 🙂
Hi Benita,
Wow, congratulations on your journey! I would love to read only positive things about teachers, but probably, like everybody else, they are an expression of the world in which we live.
However, I am glad that a professor helped you on your path, it restores my faith in my profession! It would be nice to find ways to teach students and teachers (especially, lol) to listen actively.
Andrea
Thank you Andrea for reading my expression. I think it is very important for teachers ( one of the important professions) to be educated with importance of active listening and empathy so that children with a stammer can feel empowered the way I came across it.
Thanks again 😊
Hey Benita!
I really enjoyed reading your personal statement. The part that really struck a cord with me was the part about teachers making you read allowed and knowing how you would be treated by your peers. I think it is important to shade light on these experiences for those to learn from and do better.
Hey Benita!
I really enjoyed reading your personal statement. The section of your post that really stuck with me was the part about you not wanting to conform to the world of fluency. Before reading that sentence, I never viewed the fluency and disfluency worlds as separate, but I agree and can now see why you may feel that way. I think that your post is so powerful, and I respect the courage you have to share our story. It is so important for everyone in the world to give everyone the chance to share their thoughts/ideas and allow them to be their authentic selves. The world should do better at being inclusive to everybody!
Benita,
Your story was incredibly powerful and inspiring! Your courage and resilience in your personal experiences with stuttering are truly admirable. Your journey is a testament for the ability to overcome adversity and find strength in unique challenges.
I was moved by your emphasis on the importance of active listening and empathy. Your experiences highlight the societal need for greater understanding and acceptance of individuals who stutter. By sharing your story, you’re not only raising awareness but also empowering others who may be facing similar challenges. Your perspective on stuttering as an enrichment rather than a flaw is a valuable one. It challenges the societal norms that often stigmatize individuals with speech impairments. Your journey is a reminder that everyone’s communication style is unique, and we should celebrate diversity in all its forms. Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Emma
Benita, your journey of reframing your stutter from a source of shame to a point of empowerment is truly inspiring! How do you think society can better support individuals with speech differences to create more inclusive environments? Additionally, what specific changes have you noticed in your interactions since adopting this new perspective?
Hi Benita. What a thoughtful read. I love how you challenge the perception of stuttering as a flaw and instead see it as a unique and enriching way of communicating. Your emphasis on active, patient listening is a good reminder that true connection goes beyond fluency. Thank you for sharing.