About the Author: Benita D’Souza, 24, a full time stammerer, having stammered the majority of my life. I work as a social worker with children and families in the UK.

Hello Everyone! My name is Benita D’Souza. I’m 24 and originally from India, and I have been living in the United Kingdom for the last 3 years. I have struggled with a stutter for the majority of my life. I’ve definitely inherited this beautiful gene from my family because both of my parents stutter, and I have close relatives who stutter too. Throughout my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood, I felt that my stutter prevented me from fitting in and allowing me to be my authentic self.

Unhealthy early childhood experiences at school, at home, and in society, all related to stuttering, undoubtedly laid the foundation for these core beliefs. I remember how teachers in my school would deliberately choose me to read out a chapter of a book in front of everyone, even though they knew how hard that was for me. Naturally, I would encounter difficulties in such situations, leading to laughter from other students. Instead of making reasonable adjustments for me, my teachers ridiculed me in front of the class, and I felt embarrassed. It was challenging for me to make friends, and even though I often knew the answers in class, I held back and did not raise my hand to avoid further shame and misunderstandings.

Even nowadays and in the UK, stuttering is still often seen as a barrier to communication because the speech is dysfluent and consists of never-ending involuntary blocks, repetitions, prolongations, body movements, etc.

Four years ago, I began my journey to becoming a qualified social worker, and one of my social work professors in India was one of the first people to empathize with me and help me reshape how I view my stammer. After all those years during which I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me, I felt relieved and encouraged, and I began questioning my core beliefs and tried to view my stutter with a smile rather than a frown.

Below are my thoughts that helped me in the last few years to view my stammer as an enrichment to my life rather than a flaw, challenging the beliefs I had grown up with.

What if I saw stuttering as normal rather than abnormal? Could I perhaps view my stuttering as a kind opportunity to transform the way society listens and connects with me? Expecting the listener to stay mindful, calm, and compassionate is crucial in our struggle to express ourselves at our own pace and complete our statements. It is a two-way process.

As a PWS, to be truly heard and listened to is definitely an empowering experience. It acknowledges the value and worth of the blocks, repetitions, prolongations, and words that come out of one’s mouth. We live in a society that’s fast-paced and believes that being fluent is the only way to speak or sound. Maybe we can make an effort to broaden our wisdom and knowledge, and understand that someone who stutters can teach us patience and empathy. It challenges us to slow down and tune into the message rather than getting stuck into how it’s delivered. 

Listening also has the power to change the narrative around stuttering. Instead of seeing it as a flaw or abnormality, we can start to see it as a unique way of speaking that carries its own rhythm, grace, and courage. When we offer a kind space and time to someone who stutters, we are not just hearing their words; we are honouring their courage, effort, and humanity. Saying my first name frequently presents a struggle, a common experience among people with stutter, and leaves us vulnerable in social situations. I recall instances where the individual I came across showed patience and kindness, fostering a sense of respect and understanding in me.

For people with a stutter, knowing that they are being heard and listened to without judgement is incredibly reassuring that it’s okay to stutter. It offers a space for us to be our authentic selves, express ourselves efficiently, and be free from the pressure to conform to the world of fluency. This helps build confidence, reduce anxiety, and foster genuine connections.

Therefore, the next time you engage in a conversation with an individual with a stutter, endeavour to recall the significance of active listening. Allow them to speak at their own pace; listen with your eyes and heart rather than just your ears. As a result, you will realize the profound impact that genuine listening has on both the speaker and yourself.

My journey with my stutter turned out to be a life-changing discovery and an unforeseen realization after viewing my stutter from a lens of active listening.