About the Author: Rik Mets, 30 years old, happily married, expecting father, cat-daddy and living in Bunschoten, The Netherlands. I work as a history teacher, mentor and coach at a secondary Montessori school in Almere. My spare time I try to fill with reading, writing and occasionally playing the guitar.

There are two questions people usually ask me: ‘For how long have you stuttered?’ and ‘What can you do to overcome it?’ I feel the second question is indicative of the discourse around stuttering, namely that it is mostly seen in a negative way. To put it simply, to stutter is bad and it needs to be cured. At least, this is how it has been in my experience. If you do not agree, based on your experiences or evidence you have, please feel free to share in the comments. To state my position however, I would like to share a few experiences supporting my view that stuttering is mostly seen as something bad. After that, I will propose a different view, in line with this year’s theme, the power of listening. 

A few years ago I was asked to talk about my experiences as a person who stutters on a talk show on national television. Across the table from me sat a former member of the Dutch parliament, who had stuttered in her youth. She claimed she could never have become a representative if she had still stuttered, suggesting to the audience that speaking with a stutter is a negative thing. It has to be overcome in order to achieve your dreams, she claimed. This of course is one person’s opinion. But as recently as 2016, the Dutch Stuttering Awareness Day was focused on detecting and curing stuttering in young children. The sooner parents send their children to a speech therapist, the easier long-term stuttering can be prevented. That was the message both the Dutch stutter association and the association of speech therapists wanted to share that year. Stuttering is bad, it needs to be prevented. 

These are just two examples. There are many more. I remember a poll held in a Facebook group, a couple of years ago, where someone asked if people would give up their left leg if it would make them speak fluently. Surprisingly, quite a few people responded with ‘yes’. But I also think of the many people who stutter I have met over the years, who have been bullied, have social anxiety or have a negative self-image because of the way they speak. Continuous criticism from family, ‘friends’, teachers or co-workers on your speaking can leave deep tracks in your psyche. I am afraid many of you readers will recognise this. I know I do. 

That is why I fully support this year’s ISAD theme, the power of listening. When speaking does not come easy, listening becomes all the more important. Moreover, I have personally found that listening to a person who stutters can actually be quite relaxing, as long as you really take the time. So often we ask someone a question, but we don’t really want to wait for the answer. 

‘How are you doing?’
‘Yeah, alright.’
‘Good. Bye now.’ 

And that’s the end of that conversation. With someone who stutters, this might not work. You can’t expect a quick answer, so you simply have to wait and take your time. Relax, and just listen.

(Fun fact, my wife has ADHD, but even she has learned to take her time listening to me and she finds it relaxing as well.) 

The world around us is full of fast paced, quick conversations and we are overloaded by a constant flow of information. On top of that, listening to someone else often means thinking about what to respond instead of trying to understand the meaning of what they are saying. For a person who stutters, a quick response is often not really possible, so we can focus more on the listening. What is the other really trying to say? Perhaps their body language is not saying the same thing as their words? Listen first, answer next. I often use this as an example of how stuttering is not something negative, but a positive thing in my life.  

There will of course be many essays, stories and videos on how PWS have the power to listen and how this can help in a polarized, fast paced world. It really is something we can teach the world. I look forward to reading many examples of how the power of listening has impacted your lives and those of others. But what I hope is that the stuttering community can take it a step further and use this as a way to change the discourse about stuttering. Instead of following the old narrative that to stutter is bad and that it needs to be cured, turn it into something positive. To stutter is not all bad. Don’t fight it, embrace it. Don’t ignore it, make it a part of who you are. 

Tell others: ‘yeah, I stutter, but look at what it has given me. It has given me the power to listen, among other things.’ See if they listen!