About the Author: Anita Blom, born and raised in the Netherlands, is living in Sweden. She worked as an operation manager for the Workers’ Educational Association. She has been a board member, incl chairperson, of stuttering organisations on local, national, European and International level, and an advisory board member of several international stuttering organisations.  She was a national and international keynote speaker on stuttering, had her own stuttering consultant company, was one of the Stutter Social hosts, was a project leader of several stuttering projects, and twice Member of the Year. She has an award-winning stuttering activist, acknowledged by Voice Unearthed on the Wall Of Inspiration, Stamma, and many others, on local, national and international level. She was also a leader of national and international children and youth camps for over 20 years.  Anita, aka Scatsis, has stuttered since she was 9 and had a troublesome youth because of her stuttering. She went from being silent, to giving stuttering a voice, from pre-school children to the European Parliament, now inspiring people who stutter of all ages, they can make a difference. Do check out her previous papers to the ISAD online conferences. Due to health issues she now has to take it slow, but is still an inspiration to many, especially young people who stutter and those with ME/cfs. Her device, that’s now been used all over the world is “Sure I stutter. What are you good at?”.

People who stutter (PWS) are nervous. PWS are afraid to speak. A PWS has the responsibility to participate in therapy of his or her own choice, and to do so in an open, active and co-operative manner. NO! THIS ENDS HERE AND NOW!

PWS are as different as fingerprints. We all stutter in different ways. We have different backgrounds, cultures, religions, experiences etc, which all affect the way we stutter and the way we feel and deal with it. Just because many PWS stutter more on the phone, others not at all. Some PWS (and also fluent people!) freeze when talking to a large audience, while others love it. Some PWS have been bullied and in some countries children who stutter (CWS) even get a beating when they stutter in class…, while others have great memories from their youth, where stuttering wasn’t an issue at all. Most PWS don’t want you to finish their sentences, but some do.

Yes, some PWS are nervous. As nervous as any other fluent person who faces a difficult situation, for example a job interview. Judging this person by his/her speech is a waste of a probably very skillful person who’s used to giving it all. While others go for their goals as they know their self-worth. Yes, some PWS are afraid to speak. As this is fear No 1 for the entire population. And guess what. Others couldn’t care less as they simply love to talk, no matter how it comes out.

So why are there still so many people who decide what we can and cannot do or need? Society still sees all PWS as one, including all the judgmental tales, just as they are putting men/women, blondes/redheads, football supporters and masseuses in boxes. People love boxes. But can we at least get rid of the burdens people put upon us?? Is it our RESPONSIBILITY to go to therapy?? Is it our responsibility to not stutter?

There were times when people with disabilities (PWD) were hidden in institutions, as it made other people unhappy to see them. (So, they made the PWD unhappy instead…) Today we know better. More and more places are adjusted to the needs of PWD. We see people in wheelchairs in TV series. We don’t tell people who are deaf to hide their deafness. We don’t force blind people to throw away their white sticks, as these might be in the way of people who have full vision. And yet, we’re told it’s our responsibility to be fluent??

Luckily, more and more people get it. In many countries we have the legal right to ask for more time for tests, and discrimination is no longer allowed. (On paper that is…)More clinicians are listening to our needs, instead of giving us the old-fashioned therapy where fluency is the only goal, and instead of giving us a smorgasbord of options to try (see my previous ISAD papers), including less conventional options, such as CBT/ACT, mindfulness, meditation, singing, yoga, etc, and learn to love ourselves the way we are. And when we meet a clinician that doesn’t fit our needs and personalities, we can move on and find another. As also when it comes to therapy and therapists, one size does NOT fit all.

So, why do we still feel the need to hide, to not talk about stuttering? Why are there still so many synonyms for stuttering, keeping the actual word stuttering into the “bad” box? Why is “Did I stutter” still being used to express stupidity? Why do we still laugh at PWS? I’m proud I managed to stop a “comedy series”, where a PWS was bullied, made fun of, tied down and his eardrums blown out by a football horn, while being called a stupid woodpecker. Now don’t get me wrong. Stand up comedian Nina G is so incredibly funny. And when I say “I come from a stuttering ass-ass-association”, I find that funny. Or when I say “I want six-six-six <something>”, which in Swedish is “Jag vill ha sex-sex-sex <something>.  But I stutter and I own it. I have the right to make these jokes about MY stuttering situations. As situations might be funny, but having a stutter and being judged is something different. (And I’m sure not all will agree with me here, which is fine and just another proof that one size does NOT fit all.)

So how can we make a difference? The short reply is for PWS to talk, and for “fluenters” to listen. The longer version is not that easy. Because we’re not all at that point that we’re ok to talk about our stutter. And some don’t feel the need to do so either, which is fine. But there’s still way too much shame and way too many opinionated people that stuttering is wrong and needs to be hidden or “cured”. And this pushes us into silence, covert stuttering, mental health issues and even bank loans to find The Cure! And why? For other people’s sake??

Quacks and self-promoted “experts” earn big money on our shame. “If I can do it, so can you”. No. If you can become fluent, congrats. But I’m not you. And if you found your happiness in fluency, wonderful. So why not share that with all of us and see if this might work for a few others as well? You might even get to come to Sweden and receive the Nobel Prize.  But don’t tell me that if I don’t “succeed” it’s my fault (so your money-back policy is a scam). As I’m not you.

Shame, our own and/or society’s, prevents us from stuttering openly. But how should people know how to react if they don’t know how? How can they understand stuttering a little bit better if we don’t explain? It took me years to get rid of my shame, as I was told stuttering was shameful, throughout my entire childhood, that it was my fault, and that I should get rid if it. Thinking I was a nuisance to other people because of my stutter, hearing I would never be able to study, get a job, get a family or be someone who matters, made me try to end my life. Until I realized it wasn’t my fault. And that it wasn’t up to me to stop stuttering, but up to others to simply start listening.

And this is why I’m so happy for the ISAD and this online conference, where we can raise awareness. So, let’s start here. Tell one person, on October 22, the ISAD, what day it is and why it’s important to raise awareness. Put a leaflet or a book on your visitor toilet. Leave a bunch of leaflets at the local library or schools. Go to a stuttering event and tell people about it. Maybe there are other covert PWS who thought they were the only ones. Use its name: stuttering (or cluttering if you clutter), instead of going round the word. For if we don’t use it, the word stuttering becomes toxic, wrong. It’s called stuttering. And it just is.

Parents, your child might stutter, and as a parent myself, I understand you feel sad and helpless to see your child struggle. So I strongly advise you to see a Speech and Language Pathologist (SLP). But make sure it’s a certified one, and that s/he meets you and your child’s individual needs. If the only goal is fluency, find another one. Rather having a child who loves to go out and play, and maybe himself one day wants to climb the children’s toys on the playground, then to push it to climb the mount Everest, as if that were the only option, and maybe get scars for life (or worse…). And please bring your child (and yourself) to children and youth camps for YPWS and other stuttering events, where the main goal is to have FUN. As here they, and you, will find people who get it. Kids, adults and amazing SLPs. I’ve been hosting stutter camps for many years, until I got ill, but I’m most happy to tell you about our camps and give you my personal advice on how to start one if there isn’t any in your neighborhood.

I have the right to stutter. It’s the way I talk. And my only responsibility is to be a good person, to myself and to others, the best way I can. I’m Good Enough. And Good Enough is a One Size That DOES Fit All.

Anita Blom

“Sure I stutter. What are you good at?”