Dear S-S-Stutter – Edward Neequaye

Edward NeequayeAbout the Author:

Edward Neequaye is a chartered accountant and tech entrepreneur from Accra, Ghana. He is also a member of the Ghana Stammering Association (GSA).

Dear S-s-s…,

Yes, you, S-s-s, Stutter!

It’s been such a l-l-loooong ride! The more I hope you vanish, the more prominent you become in my affairs. There have been days when I have cried myself to sleep because of you. I’ve pondered, why me? Why have you made my life so difficult, so miserable, and at times, so disappointing?

I have memories of a young me standing in front of the whole class in primary 5, reading and stuttering while everyone laughed. I was determined to show them I am not stupid, but that it is you who prevents the fluent flow of the smart ideas I possess. So for years, I buried my head in my books, excelling in written exams to compensate for my reticence in class discussions.

I recall being a group leader for a project in Business School, doing most of the work and assigning the presentation to “fluent” people, only to be unexpectedly called upon by our lecturer to present. That day was a total embarrassment. I couldn’t complete a single sentence. After class, I was unsure how to handle the situation, unsure of whom to talk to, and my head hung low. I wondered why I hadn’t taken the evasive route like my stuttering friends Perry and Michael, who willingly sacrificed their grades to avoid the embarrassment I brought upon myself.

What about my Y Combinator interview? It was a total mess – you were choking me, and I lost all hope of making the final selection.

You were my prayer point during church revivals. Yet, you’ve never left me – my unwavering companion. So now, no problem, let’s have a conversation. I am fed up with your influence over my life. I don’t care what you decide to do when I’m about to speak.

And now, you are welcome. I would gladly hug you and take you along on my journey.

I’ve led a quiet life, mostly avoiding opportunities and situations that involve lots of speaking, but not anymore. I yearn to enjoy life, to truly live, and to speak freely, regardless of what unfolds – the blocks, repetitions, and prolongations. You and your attributes are a part of me, and I have embraced them.

I would gladly introduce you to my friends — old and new alike — my colleagues, my interviewers, and anyone who cares to know. I will confidently tell them, “My n-n-name is Er-er-er…Edward Neequaye, and I have a s-s-stutter.”

Your friend,

Ed

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Dear S-S-Stutter – Edward Neequaye — 78 Comments

  1. Dear Ed: Oh I love this. So honest and powerful. I wish you all the best as you continue your journey!!

    • Thank you Dori. Writing this brought a lot of emotions and I spent days wondering if I should share it or not. Glad I shared it!

  2. Ed, hearing of your change in perspective is inspiring. Wishing you luck as you continue living life alongside your new friend!

    • This is so lovely Edward! Thanks for putting out this beautiful piece.And thank you for embracing her now.

      All the best in your future endeavours.

      • Thank you so much Elias! The support from you and your team at the Ghana Stuttering Association in helping me get my first therapy session was very useful in my decision to embrace my stuttering journey.

    • Thank you! It’s taken some years to come to this perspective and publicly share the stories in this letter. Looking forward to a great “friendship” with my stutter

  3. Ed,
    Thank you for being so open & honest. I can only imagine the experiences you’ve had, and even reading about how cruel others can be is so disheartening. I was reading another post, and it emphasized how PWS are not to adapt to everyone else, instead the population as a whole needs to adapt to PWS. I am very relieved to learn that you have embraced this journey, I am sure it is a day to day decision as well. I hope that you continue to be confident!

    • Thank you Jessica for the kind words. It’s not going to be an easy journey but one I am committed to pursuing each day with confidence.

  4. Congratulations bro. I am so happy with the step that you have taken to embrace your stutter.

    • Thank you Emmanuel for encouraging me to share this. I have been greatly inspired by your dedication to helping our community and thankful for the therapy sessions you gave me. I would not have had the courage to write this letter without all those sessions.

  5. Ed, this was so inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and showing how far you have came in your stuttering journey. Your experience will definitely help someone on the same journey as you! I wish you all the best!

    • Thanks Macey for the kind words. It is my hope that this letter would inspire others to share their story and embrace their journey

  6. “I was determined to show them I am not stupid, but that it is you who prevents the fluent flow of the smart ideas I possess.” YES, I can totally relate to this. It seems we people who stutter often have to work twice as hard to appear competent.
    And I had a similar situation in college where I did the most work on a group project, only to let my classmate do the presentation because he had the “best voice,” and later everyone referred to it as my classmate’s project even though he only did the presentation. After that, I thought, “Never again! I will present my own work.”
    Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter to yourself.

    • Hi Koran, happy to know you made the decision to own your works as well! Appreciate you sharing that as well. Thank you

  7. Ed, Thank you for sharing and being so open about your experiences with stuttering. I like how you expressed all the emotions you have felt in your journey with stuttering. Amazingly, you have embraced your life to its fullest potential, and your story will continue to inspire others.

  8. Ed, I find your testimony to be incredibly inspiring. Despite having difficult experiences that impacted you mentally and emotionally, you are determined to not allow these challenges to hold you back and prevent you from living your life to the full. I commend your courage and willingness to overcome your fears in order to partake in all the wonderful opportunities your life has to offer. I’m sure you will continue to inspire many individuals as you boldly share your authentic self with confidence.

  9. Hi Edward, I really enjoyed your post! I think it’s an amazing that you now have the confidence and courage to put yourself forward being 100% you! I think this is such an important quality, especially after struggling with some different personal experiences. This is a very relatable experience. I urge you to continue on your journey with your self-love! Thanks for a great post!

    -Cadyia Pugh

    • Hello Cadyia, thanks for the kind words. I’m glad I was finally able to make this decision

  10. Hello Edward,
    This is a very inspiring, honest and genuine letter. I would love to share it with some students and encourage them to write their own. Your letter gives hope, and I am sure it´s empowering many people.
    – Cynthia

    • Hi Cynthia, thanks for the kind words. Please share with them. I felt a burden taken off me when I wrote this letter. It was a moment to let go all the negative emotions and experiences I have had with stuttering and open myself for positive ones

  11. Hey Edward,
    WOW! That was so touching. Im so glad you have got to a point in your journey where you can fully embrace your stutter and be exactly who you are. What advice would you give your younger self? and anyone who has not yet found the confidence to embrace their stutter?
    Thanks!

    • Hi Steph, personally I spent so many years and so much energy trying to hide my stutter. I would advise my younger self to rather focus on improving my communication skills and confidence as that is what eventually matters most, not how smoothly I deliver my speech. Also, until recently, I did not see any therapist at all, so I missed out greatly. It was instrumental in getting me to embrace my stutter and not loathe it.

  12. Hi Edward,

    This is a great letter. So honest and powerful. Thank you for sharing. My question:

    Have you actually introduced your stutter to others? What has been their reaction?

    Pam

    • Hi Pamela, yes, I did introduce my stutter publicly for the first time at an entrepreneurship event I attended a week after sending this submission. It was not an easy one but it brought lots of “freedom” to me after doing that. My therapist also shared a study on self-disclose titled “Toward a better understanding of the process of disclosure events among people who stutter” by Michael P. Boylea and Rodney Gabel which I have found useful. I recently watched “Stuttering Professor: A Case for Scrappy Teachers” a TEDx talk by Jeffery MacCormack and learned a lot from how he introduces his stuttering to his students.

      Typically, when I disclose my stutter, I notice people tend to open their eyes wider and become more attentive, especially if they were previously focused on something else.

  13. Hello Edward,
    Thank you so much for sharing your outlook on stuttering and how it has impacted you. I thinking is amazing how you are choosing to step out and be involved in the world of communication without letting your stutter hold you back. As someone who does not stutter and a college student, I cannot begin to understand the difficulties and fears that would come from things such as presentations. I applaud you for what you have accomplished thus far and thank you again for sharing your insight.

  14. Hello Edward,
    What a neat perspective to personify stuttering! I can only imagine how long and challenging your journey must have been to get to the point of accepting stuttering and living your best life. I am a grad student, studying to be an SLP. I love this outlook and hope to continue increasing my skill set and knowledge on how I can facilitate and be an instrument in helping others have a similar (and unique) outcome.

  15. Hi Edward,

    Thank you for sharing this. What advice would you give to a person who is considering starting to disclose their stutter but isn’t sure they are ready?

    • Hi BrandiD, tough one, but in my case, it started with therapy to help me embrace stuttering, and some of the stuff I did was intentionally stuttering even in friendly and no-pressure environment just for me to get used to accepting it as normal. I also found “Toward a better understanding of the process of disclosure events among people who stutter” by Michael P. Boylea and Rodney Gabel and “Stuttering Professor: A Case for Scrappy Teachers” a TEDx talk by Jeffery MacCormack very useful. I read and watched some did their disclosure and that helped me build confidence in doing mine.

  16. Hi Edward,

    I really enjoyed reading your article. As a person who does not live with a stutter and has not endured the effects that brings on ones life, I enjoyed reading your perspective and gaining insight of those that stutter. As a student currently studying Speech Language Pathology, I hope to encourage my current and future clients who stutter to embraced their stutter as a part of their unique self, just as you stated you had! Thank you for sharing your experiences.

  17. Wow! This was so honest and powerful. Thank you for sharing your honest feelings. Reading this has been very beneficial to me as I become an SLP. It is so important to understand the impact that stuttering can have on clients and this is it! It is so encouraging that you have embraced your stutter! I know that you will inspire others who have similar stories!

  18. Hi Edward,

    This was an impactful post you have written. It really put it in perspective how stuttering had a “chokehold” on your quality of life. in spite of your stutter you pushed and pushed to excel and show how this stutter had no affect on you, but it had an affect on you mentally. Until, you decided your stutter was not a demon to be kept in your closet, but a friend that’s welcomed along your journey. Your stutter was valued and transitioned into a embrace instead. Thank you for putting the impact of stuttering into a post while also showing how stuttering does not define you.

    Best,
    Tori

  19. Hi Edward!
    This is an incredible piece you have written. Truly impactful. As someone with OCD, I often relate to the side of being upset and yearning for it to go away. You mentioned that you now see your stutter as a welcome companion in life, something you embrace. If you don’t mind sharing, what specific lessons/experiences changed your perspective? And when having difficult days now, how do you choose gratitude over anger and impatience?
    You are an inspiration, keep up the good work!

    • Thanks! I think I just got tired of searching for solutions for it. The more I loathe it, the more it affects my quality of life. Early this year was a tough moment for me, as I had several interviews for fundraising and other business related activities and I found myself being very sad after each meeting. It started affecting my confidence really badly. I started seeing a therapist and I was glad they were honest with me – there is no way it is going to go away!

      Still early days but I try to maintain a positive outlook generally

  20. Hey Edward,
    First of all, your story was extremely inspiring. I really admire how your mindset with your stutter flipped from shame to complete embrace, that is something that no one should ever be ashamed of and I am happy that you got to this point. You mentioned that part of that change in mindset was succeeded by you not wanting it to have the influence that it did over your life.
    Was there any specific moment in your life that caused this change? And do you think it happened pretty immediately after that or is it still a road of accepting?

    • Hi Quinn, thanks for reading my letter. Yeah, it’s still a road of fully accepting and not allowing it to control my life. And getting to this point is as a result of activities that happened early this year and I sort of got fed up and started seeing an SLP and that is where the change in perspective started.

  21. Hi Ed,
    I believe your story was so powerful and filled with many emotions. You painted a picture of what it is like to stutter and how small activities like presenting a project can make such a huge impact on your self-confidence. These are often things “fluent” individuals take for granted. However, despite the obstacles, you decided not to let this change who you are or stop you from chasing your dreams. As an SLP grad student, I found this very helpful in gaining a better understanding of how stuttering can impact so many emotions. Such a great story, and I’m so glad you shared your experiences.
    -Abby

  22. Hi Ed,

    Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with stuttering. The stories you shared sound incredibly challenging and disheartening and it’s so amazing to hear how your perspective on your stutter has changed. I love how you demonstrated that you’ve embraced stuttering by including disfluencies in your writing, especially after hearing you motivation to excel in written exams while in school. Thank you for sharing such an impactful post.

  23. Thank you so much for being vulnerable through this post. How you voiced your experiences opened my eyes to the things “fluent” people take for granted. I am wondering if you have had different responses throughout age groups. Have older people responded differently to the introduction of your stutter than those who are younger?

    • I think for most young people it comes as a surprise that someone, probably because they might not have experienced a disclosure like this before. But generally people pay attention more after disclosure

  24. Hello Edward,
    Thank you for sharing your experience. This was so powerful and inspiring. Is there anything in particular that helped shift your perspective with your stutter? What helped you gain this confidence? As a future SLP I hope to instill this confidence in my students as well. Thanks again for sharing, I really enjoyed reading your experience.

    • It’s coming to the understanding that my stutter is going nowhere so it is better I embrace it and stop hiding it. For years, I have put in more energy at hiding it and after realizing that it is getting harder by the day and hiding is no longer going to be a viable option, I decided it is time to change.

      For the confidence, I am still working on it. One thing my SLP told me was most of the way I see things are from my mind than what people actually think so even when I stutter badly, I just tell myself, people really don’t care really much and I need not be overly critical on myself

  25. Hello Edward,
    This was such a beautiful letter! It was really inspiring to hear the shift in perspective from viewing your stutter as an obstacle or controlling force to embracing it as part of you. Thank you for sharing your experiences and showing that fluency is not the end-all-be-all.

  26. Hello Edward,
    This experience was so poetic and well thought out. I truly learned a lot about what it feels like for you to stutter. Your piece was very moving and emotional for me as the reader. I can tell from this experience that your whole life has somewhat been affected by stuttering whether it was in front of others or even in your own mind. But I love that at the end you decided to do a turnaround and truly accept your stutter for what it is no matter what. I enjoyed that you even put in stuttering moments into this response.

    I actually had a couple of questions to ask. One is did you try speech therapy and how did that affect you? Two, at what point did you accept your stutter and what event caused it? What advice would you give to someone who will willingly feel a class just so they don’t have to speak?

    • Thanks for reading my post. Yes, it was after trying speech therapy that I realized I have been “fighting the wrong battle” all my life and that I should focus on being a better communicator and not being a “smooth talker”. So it changed my perspective so much. My advice is for such a person to be open about their stuttering so they don’t have a burden to talking smoothly like their colleagues

  27. Hi Edward,

    I loved the honesty in your letter and reading about your journey to where you feel empowered and confident now! It made me think of this quote:

    “In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.”
    – Lewis Carroll

    I hope you keep sharing your story to others, and continuing the journey to not let stuttering control your life. Take care!

    • Thanks for the kind words and also for sharing my story. It is my hope it inspires other stutterers out there to live their lives to the fullest

  28. Edward,
    I really enjoyed your post. I especially like how it was written as a letter to your stutter. I am currently a speech-language pathology student, and reading this was very eye-opening as to what emotions you feel in your everyday life as a person who stutters. You are such a resilient person, and I am so glad I got to read your story.

    Thank you for sharing!
    -Alaina

  29. Hi Edward,
    I thoroughly enjoyed reading your letter to the thing that has kept you in reticence for so long and your triumph over it! I can’t imagine how tough it must’ve been to be open and honest about the emotional toll you have experienced with stuttering. It felt like you were saying stuttering will no longer control you, but you will have control over it. Certainly, you are proving to do that! Thank you for sharing your journey, and you should be very proud of your continued confidence.

    -Kaitlyn

  30. Edward,

    I enjoyed reading your letter to your stutter. Thank you for being so open and honest about your experience.

    Best,
    Nicole

  31. Ed,
    I appreciate the way you personify your stutter, making it a living, breathing thing. It seems logical to want to lecture something that has caused you challenges on so many important occasions. However, I also love the way you show your change in your attitude, now “welcoming” your stutter and signing your letter as “your friend,” indicating that you have embraced your stutter at this point in your life. You have such a healthy attitude toward something that has caused you so many trials. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  32. Hi Edward

    I was so glad to read you made friends with your stutter. Just like with friends, we’re not always looking eye to eye, but life it so much easier when you shake hands, instead of fighting each other. And so thankful to read African voices, as I know you struggle with opinions on a different level. I hope many other PWS in your part of the world will read your paper, to feel your pride and self-worth. We’re good enough. We just need to convince others, and ourselves.

    Happy ISAD and keep talking

    Anita

    • Thanks Anita for reading my post. Glad to have got the chance my journey and I hope it inspires many others on a similar journey.

      “We’re good enough!” Thanks for that confirmation

  33. Hi Edward! I enjoyed reading your paper. My question is what is your advice for people who are struggling with confidence regarding their stutter?

    • My advice would be to be open about it, speak a therapist on ways you can be a good communicator irrespective of your stutter and staying positive as it is a long journey

  34. Edward,

    Thank you for sharing your experience a giving us as reader a glace of the daily difficulties that comes with having a stutter. As a person who doesn’t stutter your vulnerability and emotions have been heard. I can only imagine what it was like through out schooling and presenting in front of a classroom full of people. You are brave for sharing your experience with us, and I love how you have now accepted what has to come. It takes a a lot for a person to accept what they wish they could change about themselves, only to come to realize they are perfect just the way they are. There is so much more to a person than just a stutter and you are an example of that. I hope you continue to have such a positive outlook with all you do and enjoy all that life has to offer! Thank you for sharing your story.

  35. Ed, your honest and vulnerable letter resonates with the strength and courage you’ve found in embracing your stutter. It’s a powerful depiction of the journey you’ve been on and the resilience you’ve displayed in the face of challenges. Your decision to welcome and accept your stutter as a part of who you are is inspiring, as it reflects your determination to live life to the fullest. Your openness and confidence in introducing yourself to others with your stutter sets you apart as a role model of self-acceptance. Keep sharing your story, Ed, as it can inspire others to embrace their uniqueness and live life authentically. Thank you!

  36. Hello Edward,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with so much vulnerability. I am currently studying to become a speech-language pathologist and am currently studying fluency disorders. Being someone who is a fluent speaker it is difficult to fully understand the challenges individuals who stutter face. Your post has allowed me to gain a new perspective.

    Thank you again, Olivia.

  37. Hello Edward,
    Your narrative, in my opinion, was really moving and emotional. You provided an example of what it’s like to stutter and demonstrated how even seemingly insignificant tasks, like presenting a project, may have a profound effect on one’s self-confidence. These are things that “fluent” people frequently take for granted. You made the decision, therefore, to keep going after your goals and to not allow anything alter who you are in spite of the difficulties. I found this to be incredibly helpful in better understanding how stuttering may affect so many different emotions as a graduate student studying SLP. What a wonderful story, and I’m so happy you shared your insights.

  38. Ed, I absolutely loved this piece! As a fluent person, it is difficult to understand how much stuttering truly effects a person emotionally. This brought me a new perspective and I could connect to your story while not having the same experiences as you. Thank you for sharing this!

  39. Edward,

    This post is so vulnerable and filled with emotions. Thank you so much for sharing. I am a speech-language pathology graduate student currently studying fluency disorders. I am a fluent speaker, so it sometimes is hard to thoroughly understand the emotional effects stuttering creates, especially on children as they are battling being a teenager. Your experience has given me a new perspective.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    • Glad you find it useful! It was lots of emotions writing this letter and at the end I could feel lots of burden taken off my shoulders

  40. Edward,
    The piece that you have written here is so raw and vulnerable yet beautiful and motivating all at the same time. I imagine many people who stutter can relate in some capacity to your experience with how you felt about your stuttering. I could feel the amount of emotions you had from your experiences and I was pleasantly surprised when I arrived at your last 3 paragraphs. When you mentioned “I yearn to enjoy life, to truly live, and to speak freely, regardless of what unfolds”, I could sense that you have unfolded a new version of your life. I believe that this next chapter for you will be your best chapter yet as you control the narrative of your life rather than your stutter controlling you! All the best!