About the Author: My name is Victoria Wiggins. I live in the UK with my 2 children, Sam and Abigail. You may have seen Sam on social media over the past few years. I do not stammer but Sam does, I have learnt so much about stammering over the past 12 years.

Raising a child with a stammer from a parent’s perspective 

I’m Victoria Wiggins, many of you will know me as Sam’s mum! Sam is the courageous, playful and loving little boy you may have seen on social media who just can’t stop talking!!

Sam has had a stammer since he could speak, when he was much smaller it didn’t really bother him very much and I don’t think he really noticed. When he reached the age of about five I noticed that he started to swap words and use words he found easier. Sometimes these sentences didn’t make sense. 

Instead of asking ‘what is that?’ he would ask ‘how is that?’ or instead of saying something is ‘warm’ he would say it was ‘hot’. There were certain letters that Sam really struggled with, ‘w’ being one of these letters. 

At times I could see the frustration as he tried so hard to get his words out, it broke my heart as a mum, and I wanted to make it better. We made an appointment with speech and language therapy, and I was hopeful they would ‘cure’ his stammer. All kinds of thoughts were running through my head…. How would he get a job?, kids in school would be mean!, how would he manage in the world!

At his first speech therapy appointment I cried. It was more like therapy for me, I asked so many questions. Sam was amazing, he played games, read books and wasn’t bothered about his stammer at all. At this appointment and the next few I learned that stammering couldn’t be ‘fixed’ it was the way he spoke and that it was OK. We learnt techniques to help Sam when he was finding it tricky such as slowing down my speech and getting down to his level when he was speaking. These techniques really helped Sam in the early days.

Over the next few years we worked on acceptance. I can honestly say that I believe this has been the key to Sam being comfortable with who he is today. Once I had accepted that Sam had a stammer, it didn’t need to be cured and that he was going to be OK, I was able to support Sam and help him to become a confident young man.

Sam has dipped in and out of speech therapy over the years and has learnt many techniques to use during his tricky times, such as sliding into words instead of bumping. Speech therapy has been very much led by Sam, when he feels he needs a little help he will ask to see his therapist.

One of the most valuable things Sam has done with his speech therapist was a presentation for his class. Each year at the start of a new school year he would present this to his new teacher and peers. In the early days the speech therapist would help but as Sam has become more confident he has presented this himself. It explains what stammering is, celebrities that stammer, how to help someone with a stammer and what not to do. Both Sam and I believe that education is key, by teaching children all about his stammer and how to help Sam, they have been very understanding and thankfully he hasn’t had to deal with much bullying or children being mean.

During lockdown Sam found his stammer very trick, probably the hardest it had ever been. (We use the words tricky and easy rather than good and bad. We don’t believe that stammering is bad, it is just the way some people speak.) Sam was very sad and asked a lot of questions about his stammer, he didn’t want to stammer anymore. We sat together and wrote down his feelings. Before long we had his first poem! We turned a negative situation into a positive and Sam began opening up about his stammer and wanted to help other children like him.

Over the last few years Sam’s confidence has grown, he has written many poems to help educate people and help other children like him. He has appeared in newspapers, the news, TV programmes etc. He now loves talking about stammering and feels more confident. Sam knows he will have a stammer most probably for the rest of his life. Yes, sometimes this does make him sad, sometimes he has down days but that’s OK. We all have down days, it’s what we do about it that counts.

Sam gets right back up, stands tall and talks, something he’s very good at. This boy loves to talk. I can’t stop him from talking; he even talks in his sleep! 

What I want to say from one parent to another is that it’s going to be OK. Sure there are going to be hard days but you will get through. Once I had accepted that this is the way Sam speaks as do many other people and I stopped trying to ‘make it better’, I was able to support Sam and teach him acceptance too. I believe that the reason Sam is so positive is because he isn’t trying to be ‘perfect’ , he isn’t trying to be ‘fluent’, he’s just being the best version of himself that he can be.

There have been times that Sam has come home from school in tears as someone has made fun of him, or times adults have asked him if he has forgotten his name as he couldn’t say it, but we have tried to prepare him for the big world. We have been open and honest and explained that you can’t control how other people behave. Unfortunately there are mean people out there who will make fun of you for all kinds of reasons. What he can do is control how he reacts, what he says and how he deals with situations. We have tried to make sure that he is prepared for these situations as best we can, but most importantly that he can talk to us about anything and there’s nothing we can’t sort out together.

Sam continues to educate the world about stammering by being seen and being heard, he’s helped so many children along the way and I am so proud to be his mum.

My final bit of advice. It’s going to be OK, reach out to other parents of children who stammer. My inbox is always open and I’m always happy to chat.