About the authors:
| Author: My name is Hayley Rawlings (shown right in picture), I am 23 and from Wales. I have stammered for as long as I can remember but there have been times where I have been more fluent than others. I work as a support worker for individuals with autism and have found that my stammer has enabled me to be more empathetic in my job. Since attending the ELSA Youth Meeting this year, I have set up a young adults group in line with the British Stammering Association. I have done this in a hope to offer a more concentrated support line for stammerers between the ages of 18 – 30. If you would like to know anything else, feel free to ask. |
| Contributor Robyn Murray: (shown center in picture) I am a 23 year old Radiotherapist. I live in Wales and share a house with Hayley Rawlings. I have known Hayley since we were 7 years old. |
| Contributor Kirstie Challenger: (shown left in picture) I am 23 years old, currently working in payroll and studying to become and accountant. I also live with Hayley and we have been good friends for 6 years. We have written this article to help awareness of stammering. |
I spent many years through school choosing who to be ‘overt’ and ‘covert’ with. I used to put my stammer down to being comfortable with people, but now I’m beginning to think that it was only because I never tried to hide it.
In the past couple of years I have been on a journey of acceptance towards my stammer, it has slowly grown into my friend and not my enemy. It was only when I came back from the ELSA Youth Meeting, this year, that I began to speak about my stammer openly with my friends. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel comfortable speaking about it, it was because I thought if I made it a big deal in my life, it would become a big deal.
The responses that I had surprised me at first. I had friends say they were proud of me, many were especially interested in learning about my stammer and others asked question after question. It gave me the idea to ask my two closest friends, who I have lived with for two years and have experienced the highs, lows and incredible journey I have been on.
We have written this article to encourage others to speak about their stammer with the people who are closest to them. In my experience, it won’t be spoken about unless you speak about it first. We have to get rid of ‘the elephant in the room’ together.
“When I first met Hayley in primary school I didn’t realise she stammered, it only became prominent when we became better friends. Soon after, my mum noticed that I too was starting to stammer, maybe as a form of subconscious empathy, or because I thought it was an interesting quirk, something that made her stand out from everybody else, I’m not entirely sure. Growing up I’ve learned that not only does Hayley’s stammer get worse around people she’s more comfortable with, but when she’s experiencing stressful situations too; Hayley would often ask me to make phone calls for her so that she wouldn’t have to speak to people, but over the past year, she has embraced her stammer more and doesn’t let it get in her way. Hayley’s stammer is something that I don’t feel I notice very much, it has never made me feel awkward, or made me think of her any differently to any of my other friends and it pains me to think of her feeling self-conscious about it. Hayley’s stammer is part of who she is, and is the driving force behind her charitable and caring personality. If I had the choice, I would never change her so she didn’t stammer, and I know she feels the same.”
Robyn Murray
“I have known Hayley since high school but was not aware of her stammer until we became friends. We have remained firm friends for 6 years now and have been living together for two. I have found that Hayley’s stammer is especially apparent when she is among close friends or when talking about a subject she feels particularly strongly about. So, bearing in mind the length of time I have known her for and our current living situation it would be fair to say that I experience her stammer on a daily basis. I could not imagine her without her stammer. It makes her who she is and has fuelled her passion for helping people, both in her professional and personal life. It’s a personality trait which I would most definitely miss if she were to try to cover it up. I am so grateful Hayley has not let her stammer hold her back in any way, as if she had, I would not have had the opportunity to get to know her and as a result gain a lifelong friend. ”
Kirstie Challenger
First off, thank you Hayley for sharing your story about stammering. Also, thank you Robyn and Kirstie for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Growing up, I never really encountered many individuals who stammered. However, it wasn’t until recently, I became more aware of the term “stammering.” I currently volunteer with a speech therapist at an elementary school, and I am now seeing more individuals/kids who do stammer. Originally, I had no idea that they were stammering; I just thought they were nervous because I was in the room with them. But, once I knew they were stammering, I found myself unsure of what to do. Hayley, how do you want other people to react when you begin to stammer? I find myself unsure of how to react when these children do, and I want them to feel comfortable. So, any advice or tips would be helpful.
Also, something I found very interesting was Robyn mentioned that she would make phone calls for you because you did not want to talk to people over the phone. I know you don’t have her make the phone calls anymore. But, I was wondering do you tell people right away that you stammer, or do you find yourself not stammering at all while on the phone?
Thank you again ladies for the insight on stammering and telling your stories.
Hi Dariene, thank you for taking the time to read this article and commenting. It’s great that you are volunteering with a speech therapist and I really appreciate you asking how to react so you can support the individuals more.
It’s difficult to understand what to do and that’s something many PWS forget. Some people would think to finish their sentences when the majority of stammerers don’t like that. Many look away because they are afraid of embarrassing the individual. Others have nodded and agreed with whatever I was saying so they won’t have to bother me into explaining further. These things only happen because people genuinely don’t know how to behave around PWS and that is down to the awareness. I would say to give them time, reassure them it’s okay, keep eye contact, give a little smile, never let them give up on a word and most of all encourage them to talk about it. I have always said that the psychological aspect of stammering is an effect and not a cause. This can come from a bad experience while stammering, and these bad experiences only mainly happen because others don’t know how to react.
Since I have started making all of my own phone calls again, I tell people I stammer at the beginning of the call. It reduces all anxiety and I can talk a lot more fluently, it also let’s the other person know to be patient. I have always stammered more on the phone, not sure why, maybe it’s because I can’t physically see the person I am speaking to. In the past I have had people hang up on me because they couldn’t hear me, or I had blocked for so long that they thought I had gone. But, since becoming open on the phone, I am yet to have a bad experience.
Thank you again for reading.
Hayley,
I cannot express to you how helpful you have been. Your courage to share your story has helped me have a better understanding on stammering. I truly appreciate your insight and knowledge. I wish you nothing but the best.
Best Regards,
Darlene Oushana
Hi Haley and Friends,
Thanks you for sharing your candid story about your journey. It’s wonderful that you have had such a positive experience sharing your stammering with friends. I loved how your friend Robyn said that your stammer makes you who you are and that it is the driving force behind your charitable and caring personality. It seems the challenges we encounter in life often make us who we are.
You are brave to start the young adults group through the British Stammering Association. It seems like a great idea to have a group specific to ages 18-30 as there are probably topics of concern that are more specific to age/stages of life. I’m wondering about some of the topics that have come up for discussion in your group and how you have supported each other in getting through those concerns?
Best,
Susane
Hi Susane,
Thank you for reading and your lovely reply. I believe it has made me who I am today too. I feel I’m a stronger person for it and I can relate to other disabilities which helps me in my professional life as I’m a support worker for individuals with autism.
I believe there are many topics of concern for 18-30 year olds, especially who stammer. My stammer never became a huge thing in my life until I left school, found a job, moved out and became completely independent. This was when I sunk into a stammering hole (I call it) and used avoidance techniques that I never normally did. I realised I was getting stressed out about my stammer, that would make me stammer more and the stammer increased. Luckily by speaking and meeting with others who stammer I soon got out of all these techniques and became completely open. It’s been a difficult few years but I’m not determined to help others reach this point. Most of the topics on the group have been around these issues, especially going off to university. There has also been people ask for advice on coping with friendships and that’s what inspired me to write this article. I think by speaking to people your own age group helps you relate more to them in everyday life.
Hello girls,
My name is Lety, and I am currently a student in a Post-Baccalaureate Communication Disorders program at Chapman University; I hope to start my masters in Communication Disorders in Fall 2015.
As I was reading your stories, I couldn’t help but think of a close friend of mine. I have known my friend for 10 years now, and he stutters. I did some quick research, and learned that stuttering and stammering can be used synonymously, is this true? Also, the way Robyn and Kirstie describe the stammer as “part of who she is” and “could not imagine [Hayley] without her stammer”, really describes the way I feel about my friend as well. Hayley, I think that it is wonderful that you have learned to accept your “enemy” as your friend. Kirstie and Robyn, it truly shows how supportive you two are, and that is an estimable quality that every great friend possesses.
A question that I do have for you Haley is: At what point did you realize that you were becoming more and more comfortable with your stammer?
Robyn and Kirstie: Did you ever ask Hayley about her stammer, or did you just wait until she was ready to talk about it more in depth?
Again, thank you for sharing your stories.
Sincerely,
Lety
Hi Lety,
Thank you for reading and commenting on our article. Awesome choice in subject 😉
I have heard of stammering being used synonymously and I certainly think it was in our case. Robyn and I have always been very close, even more that sisters. When we were younger we thought it was something she had ‘picked up’, but it didn’t last for more than two years. The more we think about it seems that it was a subconscious behaviour that would make me feel more comfortable when communicating. It’s really interesting and would love to learn more if you know anything.
It’s lovely that you feel the same way with your friend. Has your friend ever asked you how you feel? For a PWS stammering is all they think about when speaking, it’s huge! But for a listener it’s really not that much of a big deal, I found this out after speaking with a PWS. That’s why I find meeting another person who stammers so important.
It has been a very difficult few years trying to become comfortable with my stammer. It didn’t happen over night and I really had to work at it. I went back to speech therapy when I was 20 after a really bad relapse of stammering. Since I had left school and had to become completely independent, my stammer got increasingly worse. I would start using avoidance techniques that I never used before. I also got into a viscous circle of being stressed out about my stammer, therefore the stammer would get worse. The first step was realising there is no cure and I would never be fluent. I then slowly began to embrace it and treat it as part of me. I met others who stammered and I also attended the last ELSA youth meeting which really changed my life (I have another article on here called ‘The Young Voice of Europe).
Robyn and Kirstie have said that I only spoke about it briefly but it would always be pushed under the carpet. Since returning from ELSA I have been extremely more open and they can’t stop me talking 😉
Thank you again for reading
Hayley
Thank you for the great article ladies. Stammering transcends friendships & identities
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Hi ladies,
Thank you very much for sharing your insights on being a friend to a PWS! I myself had a slight stammer as a child that I was very aware of but no one else seemed to be (from my perspective anyway). Like you, Hayley, I decided not to make it a big deal because I thought it would just draw more attention to it. However, I have never been on the opposite end where someone close to me had a stammer. Kirstie and Robyn, your thoughtful contributions to Hayley’s story are so endearing. I hope that in the future if I gain a friend with a stammer that I will remain as genuine and supportive as you two ladies are to Hayley.
A few questions for Hayley: You mentioned that just in the last few years you have been on a journey to “accept” your stammer. I’m curious to know what initially moved you to embark on this journey, and what are some personal gains you hope to make along the way?
Thank you again for sharing your insightful stories!
Best wishes,
Krystina
Hi Krystina
Thank you for reading and replying to our article.
My journey to ‘acceptance’ has been a difficult one. It began after my stammer had got increasingly worse due to stress. It was a mixture of gaining independence and a couple of family issues. I referred myself to speech therapy and soon realised that I would never be fluent. I thought the only way to cope with the stammer was to accept and embrace it. I began looking up people who stammer, got in touch with a local support group and I attended this years ELSA youth meeting. By meeting others who stammered and listening to their stories, it made me realise that I had to befriend it. I stopped all avoidance techniques that I used, like asking others to make phone calls for me. I also told people that I stammered on meeting them, it reduces all initial anxiety for me. I also believe it came with age, as you get older you seem to care less and less what others think. I have a very supportive family and network of friends so my attitude now is if you don’t like me then I don’t like you. It took some work but I finally got there in the end. My personal gains now are to help others on their journey to acceptance. I never thought it would be possible to be ‘happy’ to stammer but I would never be where I am today without it.
Thank you again
Hayley
Hello Ladies,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of friendship and acceptance. It is truly inspiring. Hayley, I thought your statement about letting your stammer become your friend instead of your enemy was profound. How do you think we can inspire others to gravitate toward the same view? Robyn, I love how you describe Hayley’s stammering as a driving force behind her positive personality traits. How do you think we can inspire each other to see the positive?
Thanks again,
Tessa
Hi Tessa
Thank you for reading our article and your lovely reply. The first step I took to befriend my stammer was to accept it. I had to accept that I would never be fluent, it would always be a part of me and that it wouldn’t pull me down. It was difficult but it’s possible for all PWS. A lot of stammerers think they are the only ones in the world with this condition, I certainly did. When I met others it really opened my eyes and I realised that it wasn’t as big of a deal to listeners as we think. My stammer has made me who I am today, I am tougher, wiser and quick to spot the ‘mean’ people in a crowd. We think we can inspire others to see this by making them realise that they are stronger than they think they are. We all have to fight at times, but we must win otherwise the stammer will take control.
Thank you again
Hayley + Friends
Hi Hayley,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your paper, as well as the delightful contributions from your friends, Robyn and Kirstie. You are, indeed, fortunate to have such support.
We appear to have several things in common.:-) We both reside in Wales, while our lives have been influenced by communication issues. Like me, you are also deriving benefit from speaking more openly about your oral struggles. But, that’s where our similarities end. You are youthful and energetic, whereas I am slightly “longer in the tooth”. 🙂
I was heartened to read that you embarked upon a policy of greater openness at a relatively young age. In the absence of the Internet, I did not learn about the value of following such a path until 2000.
Revealing my “darkest secrets” to all and sundry has had a hugely desensitizing effect, as well as contributing immensely to greater self-acceptance. I am now able to talk openly about those experiences without any shame, embarrassment or emotional charge.
During the past 13 years, I have undertaken a busy programme of talks to several hundred community organisations in an attempt to create a greater public awareness about stuttering. Perhaps you might also wish to consider such a venture when you feel that the time is right.
Hayley, I wish you every success for the future.
Kindest regards
Alan Badmington
Hi Alan,
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on our article. I am so fortunate and never take it for granted.
Lovely to hear you are from Wales, great place aye 🙂 Even though I am young, I’ve only been overt for the past year or so. I kind of jumped in at the deep end and didn’t drown, luckily. It was after realising that I would never become fluent and the only other option was to befriend it. It’s great to hear you are doing the same thing. My main problem with stammering is the awareness, not many people know what to do or say because they may not have come across it before. Surprising as it’s 1 in 100 people, but we do like to hide.
Several hundred? You must be busy. I have considered doing talks to raise awareness but haven’t got around to it yet. How have you gone about it? Would love to hear more.
Thank you again
Best wishes
Hayley
Wow–such a very inspiring and positive read! Your journey truly is beautiful to the core. You mention talking to friends and close friends about your stammering and your journey to acceptance of your stammer, have you been open to talking about it to people you are not particularly close to as well? If so, what have their responses been?similar or different? If different, how so ?
I look forward to your reply.
Thanks in advance for your time,
Desirae Ott
Hi Desirae,
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to our article.
I have been more open to people I don’t know in the past year or so. I am especially open to people who I have just met, it takes all future tension away. The responses I get are always good ones. I’m yet to experience a negative reply to ‘I have a stammer’, which is a really good thing. I have found that strangers don’t often ask as many questions as people who I do know. Maybe that’s because they aren’t as comfortable with me yet, or maybe they simply don’t think it’s a big deal. The lack of awareness in stammering is huge, many people don’t know how to act, where to look or what to say. I don’t blame them in these situations, I don’t think I would know how to act if I met someone with a disorder I had never come across.
Thanks again
Hayley
Hayley,
Your story is so amazing! It’s so powerful and inspiring! The community of friends you have around you seems so great. It’s wonderful that you have set up a young adults group with the British Stammering Association. I’m sure you will continue to inspire the youth and create a positive impact on this world.
Brynn
Hi Brynn
Thank you so much for reading and your kind words. We can all make a positive impact if we talk talk talk and talk.
Hayley,
That is awesome that you have started a group for young people who stammer. I am an aspiring speech and language pathologist in my first year of the master’s program at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point. I am doing a research project actually right now about support groups comparing Asperger’s and Stuttering. Support groups are an inspiring. I was just wondering had you met many other people who stammered before attending the ELSA youth meeting?
It was also a wonderful idea to have perspectives of friends, it added to the presentation well.
Emily
Hi Emily
Thank you for taking the time to reply. That must be a very interesting research project. I’m assuming that there are some similarities in social situations? I would love to help, if you have any questions feel free to ask.
I had attended a support group for a year or so before ELSA but everyone there is a lot older than me. The support group was really beneficial for me because it was the first time I had met other PWS’s but it was really nice to meet others the same age at ELSA. I honestly think meeting others with the same condition is the best type of therapy for me.
Thank you again for your time
Hayley
Hayley & friends,
I want to begin with mentioning how much I, as well as many others, appreciate your insight on this topic. I am currently a Masters student at Illinois State University and we are always called to focus not only on the disorder, but the emotions tied to it. I am SO glad to hear you are having an easier time with self-acceptance after attending the ELSA conference. I also found it interesting that your friends say it makes you who you are – I really think it was a beautiful way to describe how a individual difference can shape a personality. You have provided me with a new perspective on reacting to stuttering (the term for “stammering” in the US 😉 ) situations and have emphasized the fact that everyone may prefer a different response. That will guide my thinking, as a future clinician, as I work with this population.
Again, I truly enjoyed reading your passage and wish you all the best of luck in the future.
– Elizabeth Nolan
(Graduate Student, Illinois State University.)
Hi Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for reading and your kind words, I am so glad I have helped you see another side to stammering (stuttering ;)). It took me a few difficult years to realise it myself, but it is possible. I think the most important thing for a PWS to realise is that their stammer isn’t a big deal to others. It was all I would ever think about and that is when it can begin to do some psychological damage. Luckily I spotted it myself and referred myself to speech therapy at 20. I soon realised I would never be fluent, stopped using avoidance techniques and learned to accept it.
Thank you again and all the luck in the world for your Masters
Hayley
Hayley and friends,
First off thank you for sharing your experiences with us. We have a few questions for you that we were wondering as we read through your story.
Robyn and Kirstie: When Hayley first started discussing her stuttering with you what were your thoughts and feelings? Were you surprised that she finally wanted to share the information or relieved? Also, before she openly discussed with you that she had a stutter how did you feel?
Hayley: Our questions for you are what were some of the factors that kept you from talking about your stutter with your friends? Another question we have is what is the differences you see in how people react to your stutter (e.g. friends vs people you have just met)?
Again thank you for sharing your story with us. As graduate students that are currently in a fluency class there are many questions we have about how people feel about their stutter, but there is only so much insight you can gain from a class.
Thanks,
Keri and Shauni
Hi Keri and Shauni
Thank you for taking the time to read our article.
Robyn and Kirstie – It was just something that we accepted. We never wanted to bring it up because it seemed as if Hayley was dealing with it in her own way. It was nice when she was finally able to talk about it because there were many questions we wanted to ask.
Hayley – The main factor that stopped me talking about it was the realisation of the stammer. I felt, for many years, that if I spoke about my stammer then I would be turning it into a bigger deal than it was. I like to ‘get on with things’ in life and this was a prime example. When it comes to how friends and strangers react differently, I mainly see confusion with strangers. Many people may not have come across a stammer before so they don’t know how to react. My friends are use to it by now and I can joke around with them. The main problem with stammering is the awareness, many think we simply ‘forget’ our words or our brains are confused for a few seconds.
Thank you again for commenting. If there is anything else I can help you with, my email is hayleyrawlings2002@hotmail.com
Thanks
Hayley
Hi Hayley, Robyn and Kirstie,
thank you for sharing your stories! They were so eloquently put and very insightful, especially to someone like me who does not have a lot of experience with people who stutter. I find it very interesting that both Robyn and Kirstie did not realize Hayley stuttered until they got to know her more. I have usually found that it is the other way around- an individual who stutters may stutter more around someone unfamiliar. Hayley, I am very glad to hear that stuttering is a driving force in your ability to help others and I am also glad you have cultivated such great friendships with people who are so appreciative of you! Thank you again for sharing!
Eileen
Hi Eileen
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on our article. The reason the girls didn’t know I stammered was because I tried to be more fluent with people I didn’t know. When I was at ease with someone then I would stammer more. I only realised this in the past year as I always put it down to being the ‘opposite’ of most stammers. Now I see that I subconsciously did everything I could not to stammer.
Your kind words mean so much, thank you again
Hayley
I also wanted to ask a question- have you found that people have questioned your ability to be an effective support worker because of your stuttering? If so, how do you address that and educate them?
Thanks again!
Eileen
I luckily haven’t had anyone question my ability within my role. When I went through the application process I told them beforehand and reminded them in the interview and still got the job. I honestly believe it has made me better at my job as many who I work with have communication problems. Sometimes challenging behaviour and communication problems can get mixed up but I feel I can relate and empathise more with these individuals.
Thanks
Hayley
Thank-you so much for sharing your story ladies! I am currently a first year master student studying to be a speech language pathologist (SLP). Your insights inspired me and I look forward to working with students who have the same positive attitudes as you. I was curious if you ever visited an SLP as a child? If so, did you find certain strategies to be more or less beneficial than others? Either way, it sounds like you have had great support systems around you throughout your life. Robyn and Kirstie, you sound like wonderful friends. Hayley, I am also curious how you came to be involved with ELSA?
I look forward to hearing back from you,
Emily
Hi Emily,
I had visited a SLT twice as a child. The first time I went I would never stammer when I was in the appointment, then come home and stammer like crazy. We weren’t sure why it was happening at the time but I’m beginning to think I subconsciously did everything I could not to stammer (I was quite good at that with strangers too). I went back again when I was around 14 but I never took it as seriously as I did when I was an adult. I don’t think any strategy really helped until I learnt to accept the stammer would always be there. I have and still have awesome people around me who support me, for that I am so thankful for. I don’t think I could have done it otherwise. I became involved with Elsa after I met one of the previous members and he told me how it changed his life. I then went on their website and applied. I have another article on here called ELSA – The young Voice Of Europe if you would like to know more. Anything else I can do to help you in your studies then feel free to email me on hayleyrawlings2002@hotmail.com
Many thanks for taking the time to read and comment
Hayley
Hayley, Robyn and Kirstie,
This is an awesome story! Hayley, I love how open you were about your stutter. The way you described these past couple years as a journey of acceptance really depicts what it really is, which is a journey. As a graduate student in speech pathology I am learning more and more about stuttering, but to be able to hear about direct experiences from someone who stutters makes it easier to understand the emotional aspects behind the stutter. I love that your friends wrote about their experience being a friend of a person with a stutter. This is an interesting perspective that we don’t see often. It is clear that you are growing to accept your stutter, which is awesome! That is definitely something to be proud of. What advice would you give someone who has a friend who stutters but doesn’t like talking about it?
Thanks!
Molly
Hi Molly
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Advice that I would give anyone who has a friend that stammers is let them talk in their own time. I have met other PWS who don’t want to make a big deal out of it and just get on with life (I used to be one of these). You have to let them make the change themselves and give them time when they decide to do so. My journey took me around 3 years and I don’t think I’m anywhere near the end yet. I would say as long as it’s not interfering with their life too much then let them get on with it. Another thing would be not to make jokes unless they make jokes first, I can have a laugh with friends now but at the start it would be on my terms. Stammering can have many psychological effects and there’s no right or wrong way to deal with it, it’s all personal to the individual.
If you would like any help on anything else, please don’t hesitate to email me hayleyrawlings2002@hotmail.com
Many thanks again for you lovely reply
Hayley
Hayley, Robyn, and Kirstie,
Thank you for sharing your stories with us. It is very eye opening to hear all of your personal experiences as a PWS or friend of PWS. One of the things that we found interesting was the fact that neither Robyn nor Kirstie noticed your stammer before you all became friends. Why do you think this was? Did you (Robyn and Kirstie) ever notice Hayley’s stammer before she began talking about it? Did you two ever think about mentioning something? We only ask because if that were us, we might mention something to our friends.
Thanks again,
Michele and Rachel
Hi Michele and Rachel,
I have always stammered more with people who I am close to and I think it’s because I’m more comfortable. I spent many years wondering why this was as it wasn’t the same as other stories I had heard. I’ve recently put it down to being a covert stammer with strangers and doing everything I could not to stammer. When I was with people who I felt safe with then I would overtly stammer. The girls knew I stammered after some time and I would bring it up from time to time but I would never go into detail. I never wanted the stammer to become a big part of my life so I thought if I didn’t acknowledge it then it wouldn’t.
Thank you for replying
Hayley
Hi Hayley,
I want to first take the time to thank you for telling your story. I am extremely impressed by all that you have done so far and how much you and your friends embrace your stammering as a unique characteristic that makes you who you are!
I volunteer at a play group for autistic children and I know how difficult some days can be. I wanted to ask if your stammering makes working with the autistic population more difficult. I ask this because I know that with stress and/or frustration, stammering can become worse and I wonder if that may affect you while working with this population. If so, I am curious to know how you react in these situations.
Thank you again for sharing your truly inspiring story.
All the best,
Samantha
(Graduate Student)
Hi Samantha
Many thanks for reading and commenting. I surprisingly don’t stammer when I’m working with a individual. The only thing I find hard is passing information to other staff members, but they all know I stammer now so it’s not too bad. I find that my stammer helps me in work because many people with autism have communication problems. Communication problems can often get confused with behavioural problems too and I think I am a lot more understanding and empathetic because of the stammer.
Thank you again for your kind words
Hayley
Hi Hayley and friends,
I love hearing the friends’ perspective of stuttering and how supportive they are. I feel like their perspectives are similar to most people’s, that Hayley’s stuttering is just a part of who she is and they wouldn’t change it at all. I loved what Robyn said about how stuttering helped form her personality.
I was curious if you use a strategy for phone calls, Hayley, or if you just roll with it?
Thank you,
Laura
Hi Laura
Thank you for taking the time to reply to our article. I used to avoid phone calls at all costs and Robyn would make most of them for me. I now make sure I do everything myself or I will fall back into avoidance techniques. I begin the conversation by saying ‘I have a stammer’ so the other person is aware that if I don’t reply straight away then I’m still there. So far that has worked out well and I’m yet to have a bad experience.
Thanks again
Hayley
Hayley,
What lovely friends you have in your life!
It always amazes me the more comfortable a person gets around his/her friends the more he/she lets his/her guard down and the real inner-person just shines through. Beautiful!
Do you ever intentionally stutter to see strangers, acquaintances, or close friends’ reactions?
I know you said you stutter more when you are stressed but do you or your friends notice any differences in the intensity when you are sad or angry? Since you live with your best friends, is your stutter ever a dead give-away that you had a bad day or are maybe mad at them? Do they know to then ask right away, “what’s wrong?”
Lastly, have any of your patients ever asked about your stutter when in therapy?
~ Angelina
Hello Hayley, Robyn and Kirstie,
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Hayley you seem like a very confident individual. I am currently studying Speech-Language Pathology and I have found in my studies that confidence tends to help with fluency. I love the fact that you have found a balance or a comfortable level of being fluent vs. nonfluent. You also seem to be confident and comfortable in who you are!! That is AWESOME! I think most of us wish we could feel that comfortable just in every day life.
I do have a couple of quick questions for you. Was there something in particular or a moment in time that made you a more confident communicator? Did your parents also play a role in your confident communication skills? If so, how? Can you offer any suggestions about how I can help to promote confidence in my patients?
Best-
Kristin
Hello Hayley and friends,
Thank you very much for sharing your story. I am a speech-language pathology graduate student. In my fluency class we learn a lot about stuttering, assessment and therapy, we also have several guest speakers who share their own experience. Reading about the point of view of friends, how you don’t notice it as much, and would not change anything, is adding valuable information to my knowledge. Thank you again!
Hi Hayley,
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is amazing to hear a story about a young professional such as yourself and how your stutter affects your everyday life. I think that it is awesome that you are in such an accepting mindset in regards to stuttering and that you have such a wonderful support system around you. I found it interesting to read that you seem to stutter more when around family members and loved ones (as well in stressful situations). I saw in earlier comments that you sought out a Speech-Language Pathologist when you were 20 years old. Did you benefit from and feel empowered by your SLP? Did they help you increase your self-esteem as a communicator? As a current graduate student working to obtain my Master’s degree in Communication Sciences and Disorders, I am curious to hear about what strategies have worked and not worked for people who stutter.
Thank you again for sharing!
-Kelly
Hi Hayley,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. As a current Graduate Student in Speech Language Pathology, it is very inspiring to read about your acceptance and success with stuttering. One thing that is apparent in your post and the previous comments is that meeting and talking to others who stutter has really helped you accept stuttering. Is this something you would suggest in a speech therapy program? Also, you have mentioned you began speech therapy when you were 20 years old. Was there anything the therapist did that made a big impact on your acceptance and fluency? As a future clinician, I would love to be able to provide my clients a way for acceptance that you have demonstrated here.
Again, thank you for sharing!
Crystal
Hi Hayley,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us! It means a lot to us to hear how a person who stutters is overcoming it and embracing it! I think that it is amazing that you have friends who are so supportive of you and help you. Currently, I am a graduate student who is taking a course in stuttering. One project we did was to practice our fake stutter for future therapy we might give to clients who stutter. I thought this was a great experience for me to see how people react to stuttering and what ways we can help those who stutter deal with stressful situations. I was wondering what kind of advice do you have for SLP’s as we navigate through helping clients with their stuttering and helping them to have an accepting mindset. Also, if we have friends who stutter, what advice would you give to us for interacting with them and supporting them?
Thanks!
Angela
Haley and friends,
I am a first year graduate student at Illinois State University. Thank you for sharing your story! It is inspirational and refreshing to read about individuals who accept their stutter for what it is and shape it to be a positive quality. That is so wonderful that you accept your stammer as simply a characteristic of who you are and not the defining feature of who you are as a person. I have a friend who stutters, and I have seen her frustrations as well as her moments of fluency. She has confided in me as a friend and accepting listener to talk with her about her communication multiple times. I have noticed that some of our friends finish her words that she struggles to say thinking they are helping her out or doing her a favor. In actuality, she has told me this really bothers her. I think our friends are completing her words for her with good intentions because they can anticipate what word she is stuck on. Have you ever experienced this? Do you find it helpful or rude if your friend listener decides to give a “helping hand” while you are speaking?
Thank you! Again, I truly enjoined reading your story!
Layna Boyd
Haley,
Like many others on here, I am also a graduate student obtaining my degree in Speech-Language Pathology. Your story is very inspiring and admirable! I noticed in one of your replies that you inform people on the telephone that you stammer. Is this usually effective for you? For my Fluency Disorders class we had the opportunity to voluntarily stutter while making phone calls. I was often interrupted and had phrases and words completed for me. Do you think informing someone beforehand helps decrease the interruptions and increase patience?
Thank you!
Kayla Wooten
Sorry for the misspelling of your name! Hayley*
Hi Hayley, Robyn and Kirstie,
I am a graduate student studying speech language pathology and am so grateful to you for sharing your story. Should I ever have to treat a PWS in the future, it will certainly be helpful to let them know about your story, so they can understand that their true friends will continue to love them even if they stammer.
I also happen to have a friend with a stammer (around 30 years old), but we have never talked about it. Do you have any advice for broaching the subject with him? Or do you recommend ignoring it unless he brings it up?
Hi Hayley,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! I am so happy to hear about the support you are receiving from your friends. Unfortunately, not everyone who stutters and stammers has support like you received, so I am so happy to hear your story! I really like how you said “it won’t be spoken about unless you speak about it first.” That statement is so true! In order for others to become aware and educated about stuttering, it needs to be spoken about and not hidden. I excited for you as you continue on your journey with advocating about stuttering.
Thank you,
Rachel
Hayley,
Thank you for presenting about your journey with stammering. I really enjoyed reading about how you courageously confided in your friends. Also, it was great to hear from your friends point of view and about how they support you. It is wonderful to be able to build trust with friends and develop close relationships! Do you find anything that your familiar listeners do frustrating? Do you have any tips or suggestions for them when they are interacting with you? Thank you again for sharing your inspiring story!
Sara
Hello!
Hayley, you ARE very brave for embracing your stammer. I think it’s something that lots of people are unfortunately never able to do. As you have eluded to, it appears to have been a great thing for you as I’m sure it is for everyone that also comes to terms with their own speech patterns. Also, I REALLY like how you have incorporated your stammer into your own outlook and empathy for others. Everyone has something “different” about themselves and if we all took the high road as you have done, the world would be a much more beautiful and compassionate place. To Robyn and Kirstie, thank you for sharing your perspectives. You sound like great, genuine and thoughtful women. I’m sure you are an invaluable support system to Hayley as she no doubt is for you. Take care!
Hello Hayley and friends,
Thank you for sharing your personal experience and story with us. I, like many of the other commenters am studying to become a speech-language pathologist. It is so helpful to someone learning about fluency disorders and stuttering to hear personal experiences. Awareness and stuttering education is something that definitely needs to continue. Do you all have any suggestions of ways a school based speech language pathologist could help students along their journey?
Thanks,
Rachel
Haley, Robyn and Kristie,
First of all, thank you so much for sharing your story and your beautiful friendship. Its so nice to see young woman band together and really connect. Not to mention, accept each other for who they all are individually…because of that I am amazed!
I am currently in graduate school to become a speech-language pathologist and because of your story I would love to build in the idea of sharing one’s personal story with friends into future therapy goals for future clients.
Haley, did you have any experiences with this during speech therapy that you are willing to share or any advice that I can use to encourage people to share their personal stories of stuttering with friends in the future?
-Kate Carreno
*Hayley and Kirstie…my spelling of your names was auto corrected by Word. I’m so sorry!
Hayley,
I really enjoyed reading your story and you sound like you have amazing friends! I am also studying to be a speech-language pathologist and I found your article not only insightful, but useful as well. I think it is important to show younger children who stutter that they can be themselves and comfortable with who they are while having friends who care about them regardless of whether they are fluent or not. We had a young 15 year old boy come to our class and share his experience with being a person who stutters. He expressed how apprehensive he is with his classmates because of his stutter. I think it would be really beneficial for him to read what strong friendships you have so he can see that having a stutter does not change who you are or affect what people think of you!
Thank you for sharing your story!
Kate
Hayley,
Are you saying we need more awareness because without the awareness we are almost making stuttering seem like it is a negative thing and that we can bring attention to it? Is this correct? I think so many people do not know even what stuttering is and therefore do not want to bring it up or draw attention. If more awareness for stuttering as a whole was made, the outlook on stuttering would definitely improve.
Robyn,
I absolutely love these words: “I thought it was an interesting quirk, something that made her stand out from everybody else.” That is how I think of stuttering, low pitch, raspy voice, etc. These are all just characteristics, that when put together make a person unique! How do you react to Hayley’s stuttering?
Thank you Hayley, Robyn, and Kirstie for sharing!
Sincerely,
Mallory Golden
Hayley,
Thank you for being so open and sharing your incredible story! I am a first year graduate student at Illinois State University and it is always great to hear from the direct perspective of a PWS. As mentioned by others, you truly do have wonderful friends. The way they describe your stutter in such a positive light and stating that it makes you who you are is inspiring. As you touched on, and from what I have learned in class, stuttering can often be paired with negative emotions. Seeing that your stutter has motivated you instead of holding you back is so wonderful to hear. I think that with your experience, positive attitude, and charitable nature, you will help many people embrace their stutter. I will definitely remember your words when I am a clinician in the future!
Thank you again for sharing your story!
Lindsey Sieck
Hayley,
I appreciate your honesty in telling your story. It’s inspiring to see beautiful friendships such as the ones you have who see you for who are both as a PWS and as more than than. I’m currently working on my Master’s in Speech-Language Pathology. How do you think your group of friends has supported or affected in any way your confidence as a PWS? Has their perspective on stuttering changed since beginning such a close friendship with you? Do you think that, as a clinician, it would be important to reach out to the people who love and support the person who stutters and work with them as well?
Thank you again for sharing your story!
Robin and Kristie,
First of all I, as one of the organizers of the ELSA Youth Meeting, would like to apologize for being partly responsible for less speaking-time for you girls. I understand Hayley doesn’t stop talking since last July! Besides that I want to compliment you on being such great friends and support to Hayley, she really deserves friends like you two and I’m sure she’s the best friend you can wish for.
Hayley,
I know you only since last July, which probably is longer then most of the contributors here, and I’m privileged to have met you! If I see what you have accomplished in the last few months it’s amazing and it really shows you’re on a mission. Being volunteer now for a couple of years myself I can assure you that everything you do for other people, comes back to you. So prepare for a huge portion of positive energy!
Keep on talking!
Richard Bourgondiën
Thank you ladies for sharing your story on acceptance of stammering. I think it is very inspiring that you can look at stammering as part of a person’s personality, not a disability. I am a speech-language pathology graduate student currently enrolled in a fluency course. Many people are so unaware of what stammering is and fear the unknown. I have not heard of many people, such as yourselves, that are comfortable with stammering. I love the amount of acceptance you show towards your friends and I hope to find more people that have the ability to look past the differences and accept people for who they are.
Hi Hayley,
Thanks so much for sharing your story! I think it is very inspiring that you have shared your story with others, and have also included your friend’s viewpoints as well. I am curious, have you ever had an experience in which you did not want to participate in something because of your stutter? Do you think your friends agree/disagree that your stutter may or may not have impacted such decisions? Thanks again so much for sharing!
Valarie
Hello Hayley, Robyn, and Kirstie,
Thank you for sharing your story. I find it very inspiring. You make a very important point that I think a lot of people worry about with any given situation. That is you make a big deal about something, it will become a big deal. This is not always the case and some things need to be discussed. The other point you made that I love is that you have to address the “elephant in the room” together. By working together, you not only address the circumstance, but you also address the emotions and feelings. This can be a very liberating experience. Robyn and Kirstie the amount of love and support you show for Hayley is truly wonderful. It is the definition of friendship at its finest. You have taken Hayley’s stammer and embraced it, but you never let if define her.
Thank you,
Leslie
Thank you for sharing your story! It was delightful to read a story filled with such acceptance and friendship. I am a first year graduate student working to become an SLP and your story sparked a few questions.
Hayley, do you or have you ever seen a speech therapist? If so, was there any type of counseling/support given to you to help deal with the emotional aspects of your stammer? What kinds of support do you plan to offer through your young adults group?
Robin and Kirstie, I enjoyed reading your honest reflections about Hayley and her stammer. You two are true friends and show a tremendous amount of kindness and support. Has there ever been a time where you have seen an individual react negatively to Hayley’s stammer? If so, how did this impact her and did you do anything in particular to address the situation?
Thank you again for your story!
Meghan
This is a great story, thank you for sharing! Hayley, I am sure your story and experiences are extremely helpful to people who stutter and their loved ones. I think your journey of acceptance is incredible and it is awesome that you can use your experiences to help others in your career.
Hayley, do you feel like it was Robyn and Kirstie’s specific responses to your stuttering that has impacted your acceptance or the fact you had friends to share, discuss, and listen to your story? What advice would you give to friends and family of people who stutter?
Thank you,
Emily
Hayley and friends,
Thank you for sharing your experience in such a unique way. I enjoyed learning about your experience through the view point of all three of you. It proved to me that stuttering can become part of a personality, but not define it. Hayley, it is very clear that you have two wonderful friends you love you very much! May I ask if you were at all nervous about how they would respond?
Hayley and friends,
Thank you so much for sharing, I enjoyed reading about your personal journey with stammering. It is so inspiring to read about persons who stammer overcoming their fear and reservations and accepting who they are. How lucky you girls are to have each other for support! You mentioned that you were hesitant to being open about your stammer for fear that it would become a big deal in your life. However, it seems you ultimately had a positive response. How did you balance normal conversations with educating close family/friends about stammering?
Thanks,
Karen
Hi Hayley,
Thank you for sharing your story. You and other people who stutter are truly an inspiration. As a student speech pathology major, I received the incredible opportunity to spend two weeks (practically 24/7) with people who stutter from across the United States. During that time, I caught a glimpse of the struggles of living with a stutter and how it can have the potential to limit one’s hopes, ambitions and dreams. I’m so glad that you are not allowing stuttering to stand in the way of all you can be! I was really excited to read that you are in charge of a support group. Many of the clients at the clinic had never met another person who stuttered. Even though many people have been affected by stuttering, it truly is the elephant that few are willing to talk about. Thank you again for sharing.
Sara
Hi Hayley,
Thank you for sharing your story. It is so refreshing to hear about your journey; your openness and positive attitude are noteworthy! My father is a man who stutters; he grew up in the 1930’s and 40’s. Your story inspires me to talk with him about his experiences. I will need to be the one to open up the conversation, and I’m excited to do so. Do you have a suggestion for the best way to begin?
All the best to you,
Cammi
Hi Hayley,
I am a graduate student in the US studying to become a speech language pathologist. I’m happy that a program like ELSA was so beneficial for you. I am so impressed with your friends and your open relationships. I was wondering how you first brought up the topic of stuttering with your friends? I hope to encourage future clients to create open friendships like yours. Do you have any tips?
Thank you,
Aviva
Hi Hayley,
Thank you for sharing your story! The way you have embraced your stutter, and the fact that your friends feel the same way, is truly inspiring. Your friends were right when they told you how proud they were! It is great that you are taking action and encouraging others to open up about their experiences with stuttering. One of my friends has a stutter, and it took almost a year for them to bring it up and talk about it with me. Once we talked about it, it opened my eyes to the journey she went through, and I was very inspired to hear her tell me about the benefits she received from speech-language therapy throughout her life, as I am a graduate student in speech-language pathology. After we talked about it, she told me how relieved and happy she felt. How did you feel after talking to your friends about your stutter? Relieved? The mindset you have is wonderful, and the way that you are using your acceptance to encourage others is an inspiration!
Thank you again!
Rachel
Hayley, Robyn, and Kirstie,
I’m currently in graduate school, so I have limited treatment experience in stuttering. One client I had expressed a fear of people not wanting to be his friend due to his stutter. I’m excited to be able to add stories like yours to my knowledge base about various people’s experiences in order to be able to better serve my clients in the future.
Best wishes,
Heather