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My name is Rik Mets. I am 31 years old and I am a part time history teacher, a full time PWS, and I hail from the Netherlands. |
Let’s get one thing straight: it sucks to stutter. No matter the degree in which you stutter, no matter how much you have accepted it, no matter how understanding family and friends can be, it is still utterly frustrating to have a way of speaking that is different from most people. For not many people really want to be different, especially if it is for something that is regarded as negative. You don’t want to be the kid getting picked on at school. And also, let’s be honest. It is just annoying to always have people finish your sentences or look away when you have a block. Haven’t we all had the moments when we thought, ‘I will just say nothing’, when we knew that the other wouldn’t have the patience to listen? So yeah, it sucks to stutter.
Over the years I have learned to accept my stutter and to see it as a part of who I am. That is what I try to give back to people, as I have written also in my earlier ISAD contributions. To stutter is not something to be ashamed of. If you are a person who stutters, do not let it hold you back in your ambitions and dreams. I have been a history teacher for almost ten years now, working with teenagers daily. Had stuttering been an issue for me, I wouldn’t have been able to pursue this career. But still, that doesn’t mean that I am always okay with the fact that I stutter. It still sucks at times.
And yet I can honestly say that stuttering has brought me many good things in my life. I want to share here the most personal, but also the best one. A couple of years ago I was going through a bit of a rough patch, not happy work-wise and feeling quite lonely. As most of us are or have been, I was a member of a dating-app, without much success. I was about to delete my account, when someone sent me a text: ‘What a terrible joke, I like it.’ I responded and after a couple of messages back and forth we had a date.
What was the joke, you may ask? In my biography I had written that ‘I stutter, so if you like lóóóng conversations, I’m your guy’. That was what triggered this person. Not the rest of my biography, which to be honest was quite boring. After all, ninety percent of all dating-profiles look exactly alike. That is why we look mostly at the pictures and if someone’s hot enough, we might read what they have to say about themselves. But if you have something that’s different, you set yourself apart from the others and you might meet someone interesting. If I hadn’t mentioned the fact that I stutter (and of course that I can joke about it), this person would never have sent me a text and we would have never been on a date.
That is the message I give to other PWS, my friends, colleagues and students. It is okay to be ‘different’, and you can even use it to your advantage. Thus your challenge can be your strength.
For those who are interested in what happened with the girl and me? Well, we had a couple of, you might say, successful dates. We got married in 2021 and had a beautiful baby girl last January. All because I made a joke about my stuttering.
What a nice story with a happy end Rik! Thanks for sharing!
That’s interesting story and I’m happy for you Rik. I totally agree with you. No matter how you get use to or accept your stuttering it can sometimes suck. Accepting your stuttering does not mean it will stop bothering or be problem for you at times. It means accepting all the flaws, challenges, and the “sucking” that comes with the stuttering and living happy in spite of it.
On the subject of jokes and sucking – I once heard a story about 1960s musician Don Van Vliet aka Captain Beefheart. Before he became famous he worked as a door to door vacuum cleaner salesman. The machine had lots of gadgets. He knocked on the door of famous author Aldous Huxley – who asked him what it did. He replied -It sucks!
Hello Rik – In my dictionary ‘suck’ means to be inferior or objectionable. Do you agree with that definition? I would find it hard to think that stammering sucks and then accept it like you do. Maybe it all depends on your definitions of suck and accept? I note that the first two papers talk about stammering sucking – what do you think about stammering pride? I will be exploring these issues further in an upcoming reply to James Hayden.
Dear Tim,
Personally I find your definition of ‘suck’ a bit harsh. For me it something that is just not so nice and can be annoying at times, but it is a part of who I am. Don’t we all have something about ourselves that we are not overly fond of? A charactertrait or something in our appareance?
Another example is that I have terrible eyesight, but I have worn glasses since I was seven years old, so I am okay with that. It doesn’t mean that I am proud to wear glasses or that I particularly like it, but I have accepted it. Still, it’s annoying that I can’t find my way to the bathroom at night without my glasses.
For the same reasong I have accepted that this is the way I speak, while it can still be annoying at times. And to me that’s okay. We can’t expect to be completely happy with who we are all the time, that just adds unnecessary pressure.
Hi Rik – thanks for your reply. I totally get where you are coming from. In my old age I am probably getting a bit pedantic about semantics! I am also getting frustrated with theoretically wanting to accept my stammer, while emotionally being unable to do so. I am probably a little jealous of you too – because I always thought I could never be a teacher because of my stammer. Best wishes to you and your family. PS I also used to think I could never be a husband or father – but have been both for forty years now!
Lovely story, Rik. Thanks for sharing!
Such a beautiful story to read, Rik.
Thanks for sharing, Nic
Love the story! Thanks for sharing this!
Hi Rik! I love how you showed that what feels like a challenge can also be a strength, and your humor and resilience are inspiring. Your message is a powerful reminder that being different can lead to something beautiful. I love that a joke led you to find your wife. What an awesome story. Thank you for reminding us that it’s okay to be ourselves, and that what makes us different can also be what makes us truly remarkable.
Such a beautiful story! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing your story, Rik. I really honored your honesty in saying that even after years of acceptance, stuttering can still feel frustrating and difficult at times. But seeing the way you were able to reframe your experience was inspiring and showed how unique you are.
Hi Rik, Your positive attitude is really inspiring and is a great reminder that our differences are strengths, and how being authentic can open doors we never expected. Thank you for sharing your story!
As someone who has experienced both frustration and acceptance, what do you wish SLPs understood better about working with people who stutter?
Of course I cannot speak for all PWS of SLP’s, but in my (dated) experience speech therapy is often focused on the speech itself. Perhaps if we focus more on the underlying feelings en emotions, we touch the root of the ‘problem’. Does a PWS want to be a fluent speaker or does he/she want to accept the way they speak?
Hi Rik!
I enjoyed reading your story. It was heartfelt-and a little funny in a good way. I loved how you expressed how something that once felt like a weakness actually became a source of connection and confidence. The way you used humor to embrace your stutter instead of hiding it was inspiring, and it was cool to see how it planted the seed for building your family.
Question: Was humor always a way you coped with stuttering, or did it take time for you to feel comfortable enough to make light of it?
Dear Hugo,
That’s a good question! Actually, For me humor has always been sort of a shield, a coping mechanism. As long as I make jokes, I don’t have to think about things too seriously. Over the years I have learned to use humor in various situations. I feel it helps me to put things in perspective, to lighten the mood. So yeah, it took me some time to learn how to use humor in the right way, but it is something I have used for many years.
Hi Rik!
I enjoyed reading your story and appreciate your sense of humor. Thank you for sharing your story!
Hi Rik, thanks for the heartwarming story. I am and getting marry soon. I met my fiance on dating app as well after using it for around a year. He is a direct opposite of my “ideal type”, but he 100% accept my stutter.
Hi Rik! It was refreshing to hear this side of someone who stutters. Thanks for sharing.
Hello,
I want to say I love your story; it was very heartwarming. I was intrigued by how you made such a tiny remark about stuttering into such a positive. As a society, we often hear negative connotations about stuttering. Still, you’ve turned what could be a regular life into a positive one by using a dating app, highlighting what makes you different, and showing that it’s okay to be different.
This was a truly wonderful story to read—one of my favorites by far. I especially appreciated your wife’s response that it was a “bad joke,” yet that was precisely what made it so enjoyable. Your story offers a meaningful reminder of how humor and authenticity can foster genuine human connection. Congratulations to the both of you on becoming parents!
I appreciate how your story demonstrates that being able to find humor and light-heartedness within the challenges opens the door to different and perhaps more productive ways of dealing with the challenges. – Ana Paula Mumy
This reflection provides such an honest and meaningful perspective on the experience of stuttering. As a second-year graduate student in speech-language pathology, I really connected with your point that acceptance and frustration can exist at the same time. Your story shows how openness and self-acceptance can turn challenges into opportunities for connection and growth. It’s a powerful reminder of how important it is to address both the emotional and communicative sides of stuttering in our work as future clinicians.
I love this story! I love that you owned your stutter and it’s apart of you! I too use humor for various aspect of my life and found that it helps me become more comfortable with who I am. Also, congratulations on starting your life and becoming parents! That is such a huge accomplishment!
Hey Rik! My name is Michalla Silvey and I am a second year graduate student perusing my degree to become a speech-language pathologist. Growing up my dad stuttered and he still does today. I watched his friends and employees make jokes about his stutter and that was hard at times. I enjoyed reading your post about stuttering and how you acknowledge about the difficult times you experience even if you have accepted that you stutter. Thank you for providing this reflection and being so open for others to read about your experience and gain insight as well. What a happy ending to your story as well. Congratulations and wishing you many happy years to come!
Thank you for sharing,
Michalla Silvey
Hi Rik,
My name is Meghan, and I am a speech-language pathology graduate student from Texas. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I think it is important to realize, especially for those of us working with people who stutter, that no matter how many strategies or therapy sessions we provide, we can’t completely take away the fact that stuttering “sucks.” I think it is important to remember that sometimes we just have to let our clients feel what they feel and then go from there. I also met my husband on a dating app, so I truly appreciated your story and the humor with which you shared it. Also, I can’t imagine teaching high schoolers every single day. I commend you on that! Congratulations on your marriage and your recent addition to your family! Thank you again for sharing your story.
Wishing you well,
Meghan Quinn
I had never considered that people may look away when a pws has a block. I can see how that would be very frustrating. Your story is beautiful!
Rik, Thank you for sharing this story.
That is a good point that being different is a double-edged sword, and recognizing both the positive and negative is important. It is amazing to think that something so real, so right here in front of you, such as your family, could easily have not existed. I also have a relationship and family that started from a dating app. I forget about it sometimes, but at several points, the potential for the relationship could have been extinguished, and my daughters would not exist. I love them so much, and it is insane to think that they are anything less than destined to be here. It is a reminder that we are all products of happy little accidents.
Hello Rik thank you for sharing your beautiful story! I love how honest you are about the struggles of stuttering but also how you’ve turned it into something positive. Thank you for showing that acceptance can lead to confidence and connection.
Hey Rik, thank you for sharing this – what strikes me most is how you hold both truths at once – that stuttering genuinely sucks sometimes, and that you’ve built a meaningful life that includes it. I really enjoyed this. Thanks!
Hi Rik, I love your story! Thank you for sharing it so honestly, the way you describe both the struggle and strength associated with stuttering is truly moving. I am a sucker for a happy ending and I am glad to hear how your humor and openness to embrace who you are lead you to such a happy outcome! This post is encouraging for all, thank you for sharing! 🙂
Rik,
I just loved your story. I have read many of your contributions over the years through this ISAD online forum, and you are always spot on. You are a great writer.
I bet you are a fun teacher too!
Once I realized that stuttering made me memorable (in a good way) it was so much easier for me to let go of the shame I carried for too long.
Pam
Hoi Rik
We’ve walked the same road for some years now, and had both long deep talks and many loud laughs, because of your journey, and your amazing sense of humor. 😀 Yes, stuttering sucks at times, simply because we both love to talk and make jokes and are frustrated when words don’t come out. But stuttering also gave us forever friends, and it made you found your lovely wife, and a child to share your love with. And how your students must love you, for being their teacher. Stay you, my friend, and keep your humor. Hopelijk tot ziens.
Happy ISAD
Anita
Hi Rik!
I really enjoyed reading your entry. You are an amazing writer. Have you ever had something you once saw as a weakness turn out to be one of your biggest strengths?