About the Author: I’m Liv, a 27 year old person who stammers and also has ADHD.  I spent most of my life feeling ashamed of my stammer and trying to hide it. Now I stammer openly, have just attended a youth exchange for people who stammer and want to use my experience to help others live free of shame and live the life they want, knowing that their stammer doesn’t need to stop them from doing that.

Healing from shame through the power of listening – Growing up.

Growing up, I felt like I had to hide my stammer.  It wasn’t discussed at home, except when my parents would comment ‘your stammer is terrible’, which made me feel deeply ashamed.

I dreaded giving presentations at school because I was worried people would judge me for stammering.  Although no one ever did, I still felt that what I had to say wasn’t worth listening to.

My teachers at school believed my stammer needed fixing so they sent me for speech therapy which only focused on breathing techniques, but did nothing to address the shame I felt about stammering.  My teachers also told me I was rude for not being able to answer them properly when they asked how I was, as the only word I felt comfortable saying was ‘yeah’, which just made me feel worse.  My parents also told me that no one would wait for me and would often finish my sentences for me, so I didn’t feel that I was worth listening to.

Because of this, I stopped speaking for a while, because I thought that was safer, as I was so ashamed of stammering.

I eventually felt so bad that I’d planned how to end my life. Thankfully I didn’t go through with it as I found friends who did wait for me and who always listened to what I had to say. As a result, I realized that I didn’t need to be ashamed anymore and it really is okay to stammer.  I never believed I was worth listening to until a friend said to me ‘but why wouldn’t people wait’?  This instantly changed something for me and made me question the belief I’d held that no one would wait.  Other friends gently encouraged me to keep talking even when I felt like I had nothing to say. 

Joining the stammering community and attending the youth exchange this year only re-confirmed this.  Being in a community where you know people will listen to you and wait is the most wonderful feeling of all, because you know everyone understands what it’s like to stammer!  As people who stammer, we can believe that what we have to say isn’t worth listening to, but I promise every single person who stammers has something valuable to say and is absolutely worth being listened to, so keep talking, even if you’ve been taught that silence is safer! .