About the Author: My name is Phyllis Edwards, I live in New Zealand. My supportive husband and I have two equally supportive grown-up sons, and  I feel blessed to have a group of long-term friends who have encouraged and accepted me through my journey. I love having the opportunity to write these online papers which I find a joy to write. This year’s theme I felt was another close to the heart, as young people are given such boosts of self-esteem, which will encourage them to follow all their dreams and goals.

When I was a little girl growing up with a stammer, I longed to have someone listen to me. I was a little girl who took a while to get her words out… like when I wanted to show my family a treasure I had found in the garden… or even just saying ‘I love you’ was hard to do. I didn’t think about listening to answers, I just wanted to be heard. 

Nowadays many children who happen to have a stammer are surrounded by so much understanding, support, and knowledge. Their lives are so different and positive. Having a stammer might only be a minor part of their lives and does not need to stand in the way of them achieving their goals and dreams. 

It was not until I was an adult that I felt able to follow my dreams and goals. For me, working as an early childhood teacher was a key part in gaining confidence. I soon realised that the only person who worried about my having a stammer was me! It was my colleagues, the children and their families who taught me love and acceptance of my stammer.

I am blessed to now be working at Levin Montessori Preschool as a relieving teacher. It’s an environment where the children can experience both the joy of being heard and listening to others. These opportunities are woven into the programme. Examples include mat times where children are encouraged to put their hands up and can share news, take part in conversations about the weather and the days of the week, welcome new children, take part in lovely send-offs when their friends graduate to school, or lead the grace karakia (a prayer before eating). 

I recently watched a young girl demonstrate the confidence she had learned through listening. At mat time the teachers present new activities for mahi time (work time). One of the teachers had planned to present a new mahi activity. She asked for a volunteer to get the new mahi activity from the shelf. The girl happily went and got the mahi activity and placed it by the teacher on a mat. Then this young girl began confidently presenting the new activity—and her teacher encouraged her to continue. We all sat quietly and watched as this young lady presented the new mahi to her friends—just how she had watched her teachers present before. She observed and this listening gave her confidence to present and lead.  

Another encouraging thing I see in the early childhood education environment is the children’s confidence in listening and being heard as they share their ideas of play. Body language changes as a child’s confidence grows—sometimes a child may want to share a good idea or answer a question at mat time but is clearly hesitant. Listening to other children taking part at mat times and seeing them encouraged by the teachers grows confidence. It is a joy to see the proud look on a child’s face when they put their hand up to answer a question or to share some news for the first time. Listening is a powerful teacher and confidence-builder.

Teachers respond to many of these magical learning moments by recording them in the children’s profile books. Parents look forward to teachers sharing at the end of the day how their child’s day has gone. Parents listen and ask questions, and the next day they often return and share how the child talked about what fun they had, what they made, and what friends they played with the day before. Listening and reflecting has an amazing power to validate belonging and identity.

Recently, I noticed a parent ‘Shea’ had taken time out of his day to come in during Matariki Week to play his guitar as a rehearsal for an upcoming Kapa Haka festival. The songs he played for the children were ‘morena tamariki ma’, ‘Tohora nui’, ‘Tāwhirimātea—a song about the weather’, ‘Matariki Song’, and ‘Tūtira Mai Ngā Iwi’. I mentioned to Whaea Ash (our supervisor) that I had noticed how much interest and eagerness the children had shown in the variety of activities and experiences presented during Matariki. Matariki is a constellation that appears in the winter sky in the southern hemisphere and marks a significant season in Māori culture. 

A collaborative team took the time to listen, prepare and facilitate Matariki activities for the children, helping them build their sense of belonging and identity. Ash shared with me the planning list the staff prepared at their hui (meeting) leading up to and including Matariki Week. Each week the team focused on two stars in the constellation and the centre celebrated them. For example, the star Tupuānuku is associated with gardens, so we looked at what grows within the ground and activities included germinating seeds to plant in our garden. The week included lots of creative art experiences such as sharing aspirations through decorating stars. 

The week culminated with a celebration where we enjoyed sharing kai (food) brought in by the children’s whānau (family and friends) to contribute to the hangi (a ground-steamed meal) which Ash’s father-in-law came in to cook. The tamariki (children) sang the waiata (special songs) that they had been rehearsing. Listening and planning meant the week was a celebration of belonging, discovery and cultural expression. We were all blessed by the work the teaching team and volunteers put in.  

Listening well does not always need to be a verbal or auditory exchange. The power of listening and sharing is just as important in the online space. As an adult with a stammer, I found online Facebook pages and groups to be one of the most helpful and empowering discoveries. These places gave me and others an opportunity to talk and listen to each other. 

It was on the STAMMA community pages I learnt there was a conference coming up in Iceland. My ever-supportive husband and I just happened to end up going. As I sat and listened, I was so inspired by the brave people who had chosen to speak on the open mic. I wished I could be that brave! Listening and watching others gave me the boldness to embrace an opportunity to speak. When the lady holding the open mic announced there was time for one more person to speak, I felt I needed to get up and share. Somehow, I shouted out ‘Yes!’ and there I was, holding the mic thinking ‘I’m glad I am up here, but what to say?!’ So, I opened my mouth and shared a little bit about myself. Right from the start it was so comforting, and I could feel the support in the room as I realised others could relate to what I was saying. Afterwards I felt very emotional. I handed the microphone back to the kind lady and began to walk quickly off the stage. Then I heard this roaring noise! I thought I must have broken their microphone, but as I reached my seat, I realised that the sound was a standing ovation. What an empowering experience to be heard and understood!

Listening has given me some lifelong friends through the Facebook pages and groups. I look forward to my regular Skype meetings with Alexis Connolly-Parker. We met on STAMMA’s Facebook page. Our conversations are full of support and laughter. We listen to each other, encourage each other, and share what exciting ways we have ‘passed it forward’. My lovely adopted mentor Anita Blom suggested that maybe my ‘what next’ could be ‘passing it forward’. So, I began writing down my experiences of being an early childhood teacher with a stammer. I also started sharing publicly while attending events offered to us by the World Stuttering Network, such as Stutter Fest. Taking part in these experiences has helped me, as people take the time to listen. 

Being listened to is so important. This was recently highlighted to me when I went to pick up a prescription at our pharmacy. I had been served several times by this lady for off-the-shelf items   and always found it a happy experience, so I didn’t think about declaring my speech. But this time when the lady asked me how she could help I realised I needed to give her my name to collect the prescription. I made several attempts, but I just couldn’t get it out! This kind lady listened patiently and tried to help me by suggesting names. Then, after what seemed like a long time to me, I was relieved when I managed to say gruffly: ‘Phyllis Edwards’. She passed me the prescription and I said, ‘thank you’ and left.

As I reached the door, I was reminded of a discussion in the ‘Speak freely’ group, recently formed by Stutta. Some of the group members spoke in a positive way about their experiences of stumbling over introducing themselves. It didn’t stop them from achieving their goals, it was just something they dealt with as it came along. So, I stopped and went back to the lady at the counter. I said to her, ‘Look, I just wanted to come back to explain that I have a stammer, and I wanted to say thank you for handling a tricky situation so well’. She looked at me, smiled, and said ‘thank you’. As I walked away, I heard her saying, ‘awesome, awesome’ and I was so glad I had gone back and explained!

Listening has the power to help us advocate for others. Recently, we had to take our kitten Chestnut to the vet. When we went in, I mentioned to the vet that I happened to have a stammer. She thanked me for letting her know. The consultation went well and when it was over we said thank you and went out to pay. The receptionist was helpful and lovely, and I asked her if we needed any further appointments as I wasn’t sure, so the receptionist went to ask and returned a short time later with the vet. I think the caring receptionist may have asked the vet if I was OK, thinking I was upset. The vet reassured her that I had explained about my speech. I appreciated this and it reinforced for me that it was the right choice to declare my speech in this situation. 

Listening can be powerful—especially over a long time, even with everyday words and phrases. Four-year-old Levi comes to spend time with us on Friday mornings and we look forward to his visits. Levi has Down Syndrome and has experienced some speech delays. Each week I say, ‘Hello Levi, nice to see you’ as he arrives, and we enjoy our time together. The other morning my heart nearly exploded when Levi walked in, and before I spoke, he stood and smiled at me and said, ‘Hello Phyllis, nice to see you’. What a privilege to listen to Levi and hear his voice grow and his communication develop. If that doesn’t sum up the power of listening, I don’t know what does! 

I’m privileged to share my thoughts here and I want to acknowledge and say thank you to all the people and organisations that allow us to share our journeys. As I’ve shared some of my own story I am reminded of the importance of listening and sharing for our children who stutter or stammer… So thank you to all the groups, therapists, teachers and carers. So, thank you to all the STAMMA board members, STAMMA’s Facebook page, Pamela Mertz, Anita Blom, and others. Without your support I wouldn’t be doing this. I deeply appreciate how you give us these opportunities. 

Being heard and listening to others can help us break down our barriers, help us make friends, let us feel whole, show us that we belong, bring us comfort, and help us grow. This is the power of listening.