Advise for a future SLP
Hello, my name is Sarah and I am a second-year graduate student. I am currently in the school setting and we have a stuttering group. This group has 3 middle-school-aged girls. One of these girls seems to be in denial about her stuttering, does not use strategies, and uses many defense mechanisms. She claims that when someone brings up her stuttering, she threatens to beat them up. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced this themselves or seen this in their peers before. She seems to have lost all motivation in school and future plans for her life. Through experience, would it be better for her to have one-on-one therapy to have more emotional conversations? I want to be able to help her find motivation in life, but I don’t want to take her away from peers who have the same stuttering experiences as her.
Hello there!
It’s very sad to hear that this one girl is in denial. I can relate <3
Based on the little information I've received, it sounds to me like she doesn't have the same experience with stuttering as the others in the group. Being in a group of children, or adults for that matter, where your impression is that they are mastering stuttering, have positive feelings about it, and don't identify with the difficulty as much as you do, can be very demotivating and feel like a defeat. I had a strong need to have the painful feeling I had about living with stuttering acknowledged, and I didn't gain much from meeting other children who stuttered. This is because I got the impression (and it's important to distinguish between impression and reality because many don't dare to say out loud in front of others that maybe everything isn't as rosy as it seems) that all the other children didn't care that they stuttered, and it became difficult for me to relate to them in the same way that perhaps the intention from the speech therapist was. I think it's very important and nice to meet others who stutter, but as a child, I also needed someone to see and understand my struggles around stuttering. I don´t think the focus should always be on turning it into something positive or just thinking positive thoughts when the reality can be that everything inside the stuttering child is very dark. I believe acknowledgment is the key word in my response to you.
In terms of therapy, I, myself found out that techniques like “jumping” and “extending” sounds and letters didn't work well for me (we use these words in Norwegian, but I could not find the right term in English for “jumping” and “extending”). This was more because I could use them effectively during therapy sessions, no problem, but I was never comfortable applying these techniques in front of others, because if I did, I felt like I lost against the stuttering.It has for many years been a competition, whereas if I dared to help myself with different strategies I was saying "fine you win", to my stuttering, and I would loose. Since I was a covert stutterer until last year, the best approach for me is to make friends with my stutter and learn to live with it in the best way possible. However, as you know, stuttering is highly individual, and what worked for me may not necessarily work for others. Nevertheless, I believe that stuttering is often closely linked to our inner well-being. Therefore, a treatment approach that focuses on both the stuttering (not just fluency as the ultimate goal) and the individual's mental health is a good mix. I think stuttering treatment works well when both of these components are well balanced, and when the stutterer's wishes are taken into account. Maybe there are other things this girl struggles with, and the stuttering beeing the root to all sad and angry feelings deep down…
I might not have interpreted your message the way it was intended, but I hope my answer was somewhat helpful nonetheless. Have a wonderful day!
Best regards,
Ylva
Hi Sarah
Ylva already brings up a lot of great reflections and advice. I still have a problem with people saying in chat groups “I could do it and so can you”. Do we have the same stutter, the same brain and body, the same background, experiences, parents, teachers, and goals?? Or “stuttering isn’t a problem”. Well, for one it isn’t, for another it is. I might stutter and not care, or hide my stutter and feel like a failure if one stuttered word comes out of my mouth. One size does NOT fit all.
So yes, hearing others walking on clouds, not minding their stutter, might make this girl feel like a failure. We don’t know what she has heard from others, the support, or lack thereof, she has. From your story it feels like she’s given up. And I so get that. I was told it was my fault. If I only wanted to be fluent… That it was useless to even study, as my life wasn’t gonna get easier, nor successful. When you hear this often enough, you start believing it.
It’s not easy to be young. You’re wondering about your future, your body, your friends, your school results, what to become, etc. Most kids at that age want to fit in. So should you be you, or try to hide who you are and aim to just fit in at all costs? And on top of that, you stutter… So you see an SLP who you think might judge you, count your stutters, use what you say against you (yup, that actually happened to me), so can you trust this person who needs to know the true you to be able to help you?
As that’s exactly what you will have to do. Ask questions. Listen. Don’t start focusing on the stutter, but on the person behind the stutter. Who is s/he. What does s/he want, not only from therapy, but also from life. How are relationships with family, friends, school etc. Tell him/her that you’re not judging, not counting syllables, not reaching for fluency (which might feel like forcing her to climb the mount Everest in a wheelchair) just finding out where s/he is, and where s/he wants to be. So yes, one-on-one might fit. Or to bring a friend. Or match her with one peer (or even an adult who stutters) who you know is understanding. When you write “but I don’t want to take her away from peers who have the same stuttering experiences as her”, remember the theme. It might not be what you think, as every single one in that group are all but the same and probably won’t have the same stuttering experiences, not background. So you’ll need to try and find out who SHE is, where she is, and where she wants to be.
Show the way to meet others who stutter, like camps, meetings, chat groups (check out Penny’s paper on playing video games with other kids who stutter). But also group therapy to proof they are not alone and can support each other. Let him/meet other adults who stutter. Bring a friend into the therapy room and let them do homework together. But… add fun!! When it’s fun, it’s more likely to continue, and to open up. And when giving assignments, do them yourself too. Don’t give assignments you’re not willing to do. Also offer help to speak to the classroom, you or your client, or maybe someone from a local support group. To talk to the class and/or the teachers (but decide that together).
I recently was at a weekend where a group of PWS who stutter practice public speaking together. With the funniest assignments, that made us ROFL! I had a social studies teacher in school who literally jumped on the table to make a point. Don’t just be the therapist. Be the friend. 🙂
Keep them talking
Anita