About the Author: Phyllis Edwards grew up thinking she had a tongue monster in her mouth, without a lot of resources or support for having a stammer. With resilience and perseverance Phyllis has grown a community of loving and supportive family and friends. Phyllis is a trained and registered Early Childhood Teacher and loves her work as a relieving teacher at a local Montessori centre. Phyllis loves writing, pottering in the garden and catching up with friends. Phyllis lives in Levin, New Zealand with her husband Donald.

The theme for this year’s International Stuttering Awareness Day Online Conference resonates strongly with me for two reasons. Firstly, in relation to my learning and experience as an Early Childhood Teacher in a Montessori context. Secondly, in my interactions and individual growth as part of the worldwide stuttering community.

Different sizes to fit different learning opportunities

During my time as a relieving early childhood teacher at a local Montessori centre, I noticed two examples where one size does NOT fit all. These have helped clarify my understanding of this year’s theme and see how it relates to learning and understanding.

The first example was during ‘Mahi Time’ where I noticed a 4-year-old girl engrossed in what she was doing. She would pick up a puzzle piece, look closely at the shape of the puzzle and try to fit the piece in. Every time she found a piece that fit she would smile and quietly clap her hands. If it didn’t fit she would put it to one side and then pick up another piece. When she had one piece left she picked it up and turned to me—she waved it in the air before putting it into the puzzle! I felt so pleased for her and I was impressed by her perseverance and ability to problem-solve to achieve her goal.

The second example was seeing a 4-year-old boy busy working on a cutting activity with pre-drawn lines on the paper. After several attempts the paper kept falling onto the table and the scissors kept slipping out of his hand. He picked up the paper and looked very closely. Then he put the paper down and picked up the scissors with a look of concentration on his face. Holding the scissors with one hand, he moved them around, trying out different positions. When he found a good position, he picked up the paper in his other hand. Taking a last look at both the scissors and the paper, he began to cut slowly across the pre-drawn line. When the cut paper strip fell onto the table he smiled with a look of satisfaction on his face. 

As I unpacked these interactions with my ever-supportive centre supervisor, Whaea Ash, it helped me to gain a clearer understanding of the theme ‘one size does NOT fit all’. Whaea Ash helpfully explained that the Montessori approach to learning supports individual growth and development in an environment designed to meet different needs. Setting up a range of activities on trays that are visible to the tamariki (children) promotes curiosity—so the tamariki try the activities themselves and become engaged in the activities set out, thus creating learning opportunities. I reflected to Whaea Ash that I noticed how all the children become engaged and work on their interests individually during Mahi Time.

I had noticed how much interest and attention to detail the children showed when they were using a set of cards with exercises on them. “What are these?” I asked Whaea Ash. She explained that, “the cards have pictures on them that demonstrate different physical movements, so that the children can copy. This helps to stimulate and promote their curiosity to go on and try the physical movements for themselves. This allows the children to become fully engaged in their chosen activity”.

Choice, curiosity, perseverance and individuality are all being expressed and explored in the Montessori approach to early childhood education—where a diversity of expressions, learning, and ‘sizes’ facilitate a ‘fit’ for all involved. 

Different sizes to fit growth opportunities

Another reason this year’s theme means so much to me is because it gives me the opportunity to write about another environment—our stuttering community. 

I still remember what an empowering feeling it was to realise that I was not the only person in the world with a stammer and to discover the different groups set up. I noticed that all of these groups seemed to have a common thread among the diversity—to provide support for group members at different stages with different needs. 

One of the first pages that caught my interest was the So So What If I Stammer group started by  Brandon Muffoletto. I was drawn to the title of this group because it made me realise that yes—so what if I have a stammer? I can still follow my dreams and goals! 

Over time, as you become part of this online community of stutterers and stammerers, you gain the confidence to step out of your comfort zone and become more integrated into this supportive group. For example, after I wrote my first online paper, the inspiring Pamela Mertz read it and invited me to be interviewed for the Women Who Stutter podcast and Facebook page. I was quite nervous but Pamela was so encouraging and supportive. This experience gave me the confidence to share more and reply to the inspiring comments and questions that I related to, and to connect with other women on pages, such as the Women Who Stammer page administered by Christine Simpson and her team. 

One day I came across the World Stuttering Network page and happened to hear Tom Scharstein mention that the young man he was interviewing, Cody Packer, came from New Zealand. I was so excited to have found another New Zealander with a stammer! I contacted Cody and we were able to meet up and have remained in contact. Cody’s support has been invaluable. 

I recently completed a course Coming Home To Your Inner Child offered by Cody Packer. The final task was to go to the mirror and look ourselves in the eyes and say, “I love you, I’m so proud of everything you’ve been through”. And then we were to come back to the Skype meeting and say what we saw. I wasn’t sure I could do this, but felt I had to at least try. And to my huge surprise, I got such a shock from what I saw. I ran back into the Skype meeting and (jumping around crying, laughing, and yahooing, all at the same time) I somehow managed to exclaim, “How did that happen?! I looked in the mirror and I saw a cheeky old lady who didn’t seem worried, she even looked proud of herself!”

The WSN admin team of Tom Scharstein, Tricia Kathleen Hildeck Hedinger, Marvin J. Wiley, and others, continue to be an excellent support. I have long appreciated the continued opportunities they present, inviting people to register their interest in being presenters at upcoming events. After reading these, I knew in my heart that I wanted to apply to be a presenter, but I felt anxious. As I was thinking about what I should do, I sought advice from Alexis Parker Connolly and Anita Blom. 

Alexis Parker Connolly and I first met on the STAMMA page, and quickly developed a strong sisterly bond. During one of our regular Skype chats I just burst in straight away “Alexis, I don’t know what to do”. I told her how I was feeling, “I want to do this but I feel so torn”. Alexis listened and smiled and said: “You go for it Phyllis, you can do this!”

Anita Blom came into my life in 2018 when I noticed how much I was enjoying and learning from the helpful and positive comments she posted on the various Facebook groups that she contributes to. I asked Anita if she would mind being my mentor and she kindly accepted. I asked her a similar question: “I have seen these opportunities to present offered on the WSN group but I am not sure if I am brave enough, or if I have enough knowledge to take part”. Anita messaged back and said “Phyllis, I think maybe you should think about carrying it forward”.

So I applied to be a presenter for the Art Through Communication event. When the day came to present I was quite happy to get up at 2AM. Although I felt a little worry, it was more excitement because of the support from Tom, Trisha, and their team. The way the event was organised helped me to feel like having a stammer didn’t need to hold me back and this was an opportunity to showcase our creative works and share our interests in our own individual ways—another example of where accepting and providing for a diversity of ‘sizes’ helps find a ‘fit’ for everyone.

One of the best things about being part of our worldwide stuttering and stammering community is being able to learn from each other. In 2019 I was able to take part in two workshop sessions which showcase the diversity of our community. Daniele Rossi’s Drawing Comics art workshop, and Erik Raj’s talk about mobile device apps. Both of these workshops catered to individual needs and interests of the group, and gave everybody who wanted to an opportunity to take part or interact at the level they felt comfortable with. 

Recently Erik messaged me and asked if I would mind reviewing a video game that he had created called Jump Rogi. I was really happy to do this because I know how Erik always thinks outside the square! So I invited a variety of people to play it with me and I could soon see them all—young and old—enjoying playing the game, with various degrees of skill levels. And then seeing them all go away, taking something positive from having played the game, with a smile on their faces.

A positive spin-off from participating in these groups, workshops, online forums and other events offered by WSN, has been the desire to document and share these experiences. The STAMMA page has encouraged us to document and share our feelings and experiences with others and they have been very happy to print reflections of these experiences. I have now been fortunate enough to contribute to three STAMMAFests presented by WSN.

This year, while presenting at STAMMAFest, I experienced such a lightbulb moment, that I couldn’t wait to write it down and send it to STAMMA. I was able to combine two of my passions and share a talk called The Joys Of Being An Early Childhood Teacher With A Stammer. I got such a surprise when I suddenly realised, hey, I am enjoying this and I am proud to share my thoughts! If just one other person can relate to my thoughts, then that’s so good and worth sharing them, and writing them down. 

Thank you to all the organisations and people who support and make opportunities for us document and share, for providing platforms and offering experiences. I still remember the first time I felt able to stand up at the mic and share. I was inspired by Anita Blom’s keynote speech, and by a young girl who stood to speak and take a turn on the open mic. I felt confidence in knowing it doesn’t matter how many words you say, or if you stutter, because the encouragement and support in the room were just wonderful—I remember feeling very emotional afterward.

So thank you to all the stammering community, to my family and friends, whose support and empathy have helped me grow from a little girl who thought she had a tongue monster in her mouth to a woman who is finally—63 years later—becoming a proud and loud woman with a stammer. A woman who is happy to look in the mirror. A woman who is proud to be part of a community that has encouraged and supported me to take part and experience activities and talk to people. By listening and sharing our individual perspectives we can help and be helped. It is by recognising our diverse needs and gifts that we can enthusiastically affirm that one size does NOT fit all.