What can a listener do?
I was wondering if you have had an experience where a listener has made you feel extremely comfortable. Such as active listening techniques or body language. On the other side of that, is there anything a listener has done that has made you shut down? I am wondering this because I have a client who is interested in making a PowerPoint for his class. He has stuttered for his whole life, but he is ready to work on self-disclosure. When we started talking about what the listener could do, he seemed stumped.
Thank you!
Ashley,
Hi! Thanks for asking questions and your advocating for learning more to benefit the people you work with.
Active/Mindful listening is something a few colleagues of mind (Dr. Derek Daniels from Wayne State University and Dr. James Panico from the University of Southern Illinois Edwardsville) have been looking at and presenting about, so I’m excited you asked. I will only talk a little here, but you can email me personally (spalasik@Uakron.edu) and I can send you a PDF of one of our presentations.
1. The first thing we can think about is we want to lean in to show we are engaged with someone else. This is not just for people who stutter, but all listening partners. We don’t have to lean over a table and make it awkward, but leaning forward just a little.
2. Posture is a big part of engagement. An OPEN posture, our arms at our side, or fingers cross is better than arms folded over our chest (this is a closed poster).
3. Our voice is an important active/mindful listening. We want our voice to be calming, welcoming, and accepting which is soft, smooth, and easy going.
4. By asking questions about what someone likes shows we are interested and are willing to listen.
5. Eye contact lets people know we care and that we are present with them. Being present with another human is all we have, at any give time.
There is much more, but these are a few ideas to get anyone started to PRACTICING Active/Mindful listening skills.
Be you. Be well!
With compassion and kindness,
Scott
Hi Ashley,
In addition to the excellent suggestions by Scott (and I’m sure you’ll get more when you email him), I feel your client could also talk about things that listeners might to with extremely good intentions, but shouldn’t. Some such examples that I can think of at the moment are:
1. completing a word or a sentence with an intent to help
2. subconsciously (and very subtly)changing body language. Leaning in, perhaps, only when they hear a block..
3. In a group discussion or one-on-one conversation, consciously (again with an intent to help) or subconsciously reducing the number of open ended questions they ask a person who stutters
… once you give him these examples I’m sure he will think of many more tips that he would want to give his listeners!
Regards
Pallavi
Hi Ashley,
Thank you so much for your interesting question. When I’ve worked with young people who stammer considering this same question, I’ve found it useful to ask them to think about someone they really enjoy talking to you and someone they feel less comfortable talking to. I’ve found that linking it to individuals in this way can sometimes help to make the task ‘feel’ more accessible. That then provides a good platform for discussing what each of those people do that contribute to that comfortable/uncomfortable experience, and this information can then be used during opportunities for self-advocacy, such as the presentation you described.
Best wishes,
Kirsten